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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-22-2008, 01:28 AM
Absolutely! In Numbers 23:22 the Bible says:
Quote:
God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.
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The unicorn is mention eight more times throughout the Bible in Numbers 24:8; Deuteronomy 33:17; Job 39:9, 10; Psalm 22:21; 29:6; 92:10; Isaiah 34:7. The atheist is more than happy to point out this "obvious flaw" to True Christians™, thinking they can undermine the integrity of the Holy Bible. Even the newer "translations" like the New Infidel Version (NIV) try to cater to the atheists by replacing "unicorn" with "wild ox". (This is further proof that the NIV is a false Bible and anyone who reads it is going to hell.) However, this re-translation can not possibly be accurate. Let's look at the facts:
*The strength of the unicorn is a major theme of the Bible record about unicorns (Numbers 23:22; 24:8; Job 39:11)
*The unicorn is wild and cannot be tamed (Job 39:9-12)
*The unicorn is a dangerous animal (Psalm 22:21)
*The name unicorn means one-horned, although this could possibly refer to one prominent horn.
This is obviously not talking about a wild ox! So, next time some atheist says that the Bible talks about unicorns, smack him with your Bible and yell "I don't think so! Amen!". There is no possible way that this word could translate to anything else, and anyone who believes that the Bible isn't talking about unicorns is going to burn in Hell (even if they don't believe that's real either).
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-22-2008, 09:43 AM
Are there any unicorns left alive today? Or were they drowned in the flood?
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-22-2008, 03:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
This is obviously not talking about a wild ox!
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Some other folks think the unicorn is a rhinoceros. They certainly have a rhinoceros's temperament, but look at this:
Psalm 29:6 He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.
I've been to the zoo and I've seen young rhinoceri. They don't "skip like a calf". Unicorns are clearly equine animals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Guy
Are there any unicorns left alive today? Or were they drowned in the flood?
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They didn't drown in the flood because they were still around in David's time and in Isaiah's time. They might still be around today, but they are smart enough to avoid contact with humans. People thought the coelacanth's were gone, but they were all just living in a spot where people weren't fishing. Have you ever had coelacanth? It's delicious. The flavor is kind of like grouper, but the texture is like swordfish. The best way to eat them is to marinate the steaks for a couple of hours and throw them on the grill.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-23-2008, 11:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben
Some other folks think the unicorn is a rhinoceros. They certainly have a rhinoceros's temperament, but look at this:
Psalm 29:6 He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.
I've been to the zoo and I've seen young rhinoceri. They don't "skip like a calf". Unicorns are clearly equine animals.
They didn't drown in the flood because they were still around in David's time and in Isaiah's time. They might still be around today, but they are smart enough to avoid contact with humans. People thought the coelacanth's were gone, but they were all just living in a spot where people weren't fishing. Have you ever had coelacanth? It's delicious. The flavor is kind of like grouper, but the texture is like swordfish. The best way to eat them is to marinate the steaks for a couple of hours and throw them on the grill.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
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I wonder what Unicorn tastes like? Probably chicken...I know dolphin tastes a lot like turtle.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 09:27 PM
You guys are serious or what?
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Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
True Christian™
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 09:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memorex
You guys are serious or what?
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I think Brother Guy is just making a play on the "everything tastes like chicken" joke. Unicorns probably taste more like horse meat.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 09:42 PM
I was talking about this whole topic
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Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
True Christian™
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 10:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memorex
I was talking about this whole topic
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Yes, of course. The Bible says unicorns are real, and were still around as recently as the time of Isaiah, or at least that was the last recorded sighting of one.
The existence of unicorns is a serious topic of discussion among Christians.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 10:05 PM
But isn't an unicorn an evil creature? After all, on his head he has a horn (just like demons btw), which female and gay males can use to pleasure themselves sexually?
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Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
True Christian™
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-24-2008, 10:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memorex
But isn't an unicorn an evil creature? After all, on his head he has a horn (just like demons btw), which female and gay males can use to pleasure themselves sexually?
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How do horns make an animal evil? Cow have horns and they aren't evil.
I think you've seen one too many unicorn-bestiality-fantasy pictures on deviant art. That's not what unicorns are like. Did you not just read this thread, about a unicorn's temperament? A unicorn isn't going to sit there and be docile and let someone walk up to it and shove its horn up some orifice. Why would you think such a thing? The person would be gored and trampled before they even got their pants down/skirt up.
Are you on drugs? Drugs are not the answer. They are only a temporary escape. Jesus is the answer, friend.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-25-2008, 10:29 AM
Cows are evil! They've got four *profanity deleted*, which makes them twice as evil as women!!
Last edited by Wide-Open; 09-25-2008 at 11:20 AM.
Reason: Removed the reference to hooters
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-25-2008, 12:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memorex
Cows are evil! They've got four *profanity deleted*, which makes them twice as evil as women!!
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I think your line of Biblical reasoning has been diverted by an attack of hormones: Cows are generally Godly creatures. The only exception is the kine of Bashan (kine means cows and suggests homerism):
Am:4:1: Hear this word, ye kine of Bashan, that are in the mountain of Samaria, which oppress the poor, which crush the needy, which say to their masters, Bring, and let us drink.
Am:4:2: The Lord GOD hath sworn by his holiness, that, lo, the days shall come upon you, that he will take you away with hooks, and your posterity with fishhooks.
Am:4:3: And ye shall go out at the breaches, every cow at that which is before her; and ye shall cast them into the palace, saith the LORD.
So Memorex, beware of hooks.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 72
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 05:51 PM
Fools! God IS the UNICORN... it is the unicorn of judgment! be afraid, very afraid, for those who take this book too seriously will be godunicornshanked in their sleep!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by God Hates Me
Fools! God IS the UNICORN... it is the unicorn of judgment! be afraid, very afraid, for those who take this book too seriously will be godunicornshanked in their sleep!
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How can you take His good Book too seriously? He writes what to do, and we do it. It is as simple as that. Your attempt at sarcasm sickens me.
Do you think God is going to take your mocking lightly?
Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!
Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 06:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ebenezer Wright
How can you take His good Book too seriously? He writes what to do, and we do it. It is as simple as that. Your attempt at sarcasm sickens me.
Do you think God is going to take your mocking lightly?
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SHES probably watching you and laughing right now
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 07:07 PM
Who is shes?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 72
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Location: in hell :D
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 07:21 PM
If there IS a god shes certainly not a man
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-26-2008, 07:22 PM
You think His name is shes?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-27-2008, 05:46 AM
Not "shes." He's saying "SHES."
Stuff and nonsense!
Anyways, I've sadly never tried coelocanth, but I'd like to. Where could I get a hold of some?
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,744
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Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn? -
09-27-2008, 02:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Converter
Anyways, I've sadly never tried coelocanth, but I'd like to. Where could I get a hold of some?
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Mr Abel Standfast
True Christian Fisheries
Bin Batai
Sulawesi
Indonesia
State whether you want it frozen or salted – comes with free recipe card and an artist’s impression of God creating it. (God not visible on painting.)
$7,000 plus freight. (Prices may vary depending upon the 'expenses' of the Government Conservation Officer.)
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