[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

Can we hear poems about Tobit, Judith, Wisdom, Sirach, Baruch, and 1 & 2 Maccabees please? (If it's easier for you, maybe you can wrap them up into one big poem!)

While we're at it, how about the Qur'an and the Rig-Veda? As long as you papists uncritically believe whatever isn't the KJV, you might as well go all the way.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

I know it is a bit homerish but I submit a haiku to add to the poetry.

He said: it’s written
man lives not on bread alone
but on words from God


matthew 4-4

[John_Alvin]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

What a shame! After returning from a two-year-absence, I have been greeted with the inability to create a thread. Even fervent bouts of prayer did not help! So here is a poem about the bastard children of the world.

Sometimes I do wrong, but I never forget
That God will be with me always.
And so it’s my job to sling each epithet
At God’s sworn enemy, the gays.

A Christian’s idea of good, wholesome fun
Should not include butt penetration.
As Baptists, we should stand together as one
And get these gays out of the nation.

These lazy-day gays as they spray their perfume
Have no place in the United States.
To our Christian values we all should exhume
And shame these men who masturbate.

Won’t you join with me, brothers, in freeing this land?
Will you rise up against these hell-spawn?
Let’s all pray together that mighty God’s hand
Will crush them and let them be gone!

[Wandering Minstrel]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

Poetry is a great way to praise
and expertly tuned to shame all the gays?
Bravo sir!

Your condemnation
of back door penetration
has given me reason to shout

If one fag has been saved from damnation
with the help of your rhythmic word combination
that's something to be proud about

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

I know it is a bit homerish but I submit a haiku to add to the poetry.

He said: it’s written
man lives not on bread alone
but on words from God

matthew 4-4

I have another Haiku for the collection, inspired by the beauty of Joel 1:5 (the plagues).

Joel 1:5
And wail, all you drinkers of wine,
Because of the new wine,
For it has been cut off from your mouth.

Ahem, here goes:

Addicted to misery
The sweet sting of sadness
White wine

I'm not 100% about the syllable count - I find it a bit homer-ish getting into the details like that.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

I don't know what a Haiku is (some sort of fish?) but would like to acknowledge Judges as particularly encouraging, helping us to understand how bad sin really is, particularly from God's point of view, and the steps He's prepared to take in the face of wickedness.

Judges 11:1 – 12:7 (excerpts)
Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty man of valour, and he was the son of an harlot … Jephthah fled from his brethren, and dwelt in the land of Tob … and it came to pass in process of time, that the children of Ammon made war against Israel … The elders of Gilead went to fetch Jephthah out of the land of Tob and they said unto Jephthah, Come, and be our captain, that we may fight with the children of Ammon … Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah … and Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD'S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands … And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child … And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth … he sent her away for two months and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed … And Jephthah judged Israel six years. Then died Jephthah the Gileadite, and was buried in one of the cities of Gilead.

All pretty unambiguous and Jephthah's good character comes shining through, even to the extent of ruling Israel as a Judge (under King God, the Israelites not yet having erred to the extent of demanding a human king) which let's face it is some accolade. The poem will be in green.

He was so brave and mighty,
His mother was a trollop,
What e'er he turned his hand to,
He dealt a massive wallop.

Ammonites are dreadful scum,
Their ethics fully blown;
Jephthah made a deal with God,
How could he have known?

Somewhat moot since God knows all,
And at this point His spirit was motivating Jephthah so nit-picking secularists really have their work cut out here,
The rout complete he headed home,
His daughter knew no fear.

To root out sin God killed His son,
But Jephthah kills a daughter,
A “Thank-you, God for giving me
This most impressive slaughter.”

[WWJDnow]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

O Lord, our creator, our master and friend
On thy Grace, for salvation, all must depend
You sent your own Son to suffer for our sins
We turn to you now as the End Time begins

Save us from witches, gays, Catholics and Jews
Bless us as we witness to spread your Good News
And help us make this a True Christian™ nation
Rapture us, O Lord, from thy tribulation

To sing your praises forever will please us
When we're in Heaven and sitting near Jesus

[WWJDnow]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

Stalwart Matthew, pious Mark
Dear Luke and great John
Threw the gauntlet at Satan
So now it is ON!

[Isabella White]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

O Lord, our creator, our master and friend
On thy Grace, for salvation, all must depend
You sent your own Son to suffer for our sins
We turn to you now as the End Time begins

Save us from witches, gays, Catholics and Jews
Bless us as we witness to spread your Good News
And help us make this a True Christian™ nation
Rapture us, O Lord, from thy tribulation

To sing your praises forever will please us
When we're in Heaven and sitting near Jesus

Oh! My goodness, dear Brother Now; how this has blessed my old heart -- to read of such a dedicated prayer from the depths of your sanctified soul. I can see, all so clearly, that the works through you in a mighty way.

I'm reminded of a lovely, heartfelt poem that Sister Clementine read at Mother's funeral (the burial), just before we went for afternoon tea, over at Sister Lulubelle's house. Oh, she made the most delightful summer berry tartlets and cardamon & orange shortbread -- I'll never forget them. And, did you know that it's always best to sprinkle finely-granulated sugar over your shortbread as soon as it is brought from the oven, just before cutting it?

Anyway, this poem always brings a tear to my eye, and you may be well-advised to get a handkerchief before reading this, as well:

The Lights Are On

Up in Heaven,
Stars are shining;
Down on Earth,
We're all whining.
Save a place,
At ' table;
We will join you,
When we're able.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Poems about the Gospels

A Prayer for Good Ole America

We'll get back to good ole America
When the Democrats are all gone
No more handouts for the lazy
No children on my lawn

We'll get back to good ole America
When God returns to our schools
No more teaching evolution
All science is for fools

We'll get back to good ole America
When women start obeying
They'll cook and clean and raise the kids
And in their homes be staying

We'll get back to good ole America
When we stop sparing the rod
If children start to misbehave
Bring out the cattle prod

We'll get back to good ole America
When we kill off Medicare
We have no more need for doctors
With the power of prayer

We'll get back to good ole America
When the homos are in prison
Our marriages will then be safe
Jesus, He is risen!

We'll get back to good ole America
When we win the war on pot
Let the marijuana smokers
All sit in jail and rot

We'll get back to good ole America
When we stop making vaccine
We just need ivermectin and
Hydroxychloroquine

We'll get back to good ole America
When minorities know their places
No more living in the suburbs
By those from darker races

We'll get back good ole America
When Catholics in our nation
Ignore the lies that their priests tell
Like transubstantiation

Well get back to good ole America
When we deport all the Jews
They all belong in Isra-el
Or so says God's good news

We'll get back to good ole America
When the Muslims disappear
We have to kill them over there
So they won't kill us here

We'll get back to good ole America
When we nuke the damned Chinese
No stealing all our precious jobs
No drinking fruity teas

We'll get back to good ole America
When Trump's President for life
He'll rule us with an iron fist
Thus ending all our strife

Lord Jesus up in Heaven
Please listen to our prayer
Bring back good ole America
For white Christians everywhere!

[#DEVILFORPRESIDENT]

#DEVIL=LOVE CHRISTIAN=PERVERT

HAIL SATAN

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: #DEVIL=LOVE CHRISTIAN=PERVERT

HAIL SATAN

Good effort. Normally a poem has a second line, to rhyme with the first. We can help you if you're a bit stuck. Just need a word that rhymes with Satan.... hmm. Baton, no bacon, Daytona. No I'm out.