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Default Metrosexuals - 10-06-2007, 11:55 PM

I've already delved into the subject of shaving one's genitals; now let us explore a broader threat: metrosexuality. Many men are grooming themselves excessively and wearing fruity, ostentatious clothing, strutting around like peacocks and making complete asses of themselves. It is a fact that metrosexuality is an early stage of homosexuality. It is a transitional period. It is the cocoon from which the homosexual emerges. Gentlemen, if you use any of the following items, you are in grave danger:

1. Tweezers
2. Mousse
3. Shower cap
4. Moisturizer
5. Loofah
6. Conditioner
7. Anything that says "herbal" or "exfoliating"
8. Sunscreen
9. Q-tips
10. Body Wash
11. Lip balm
12. Floss

If I knew what was on this man's face, I'd add it to the list.




You should spend a maximum of 7 minutes getting ready, this includes shaving. NO PRIMPING. And you should not even be eating cucumbers, let alone wearing them on your eyes.



Clothing should be modest. You have four colors from which to choose: black, white, navy blue, and gray. Undershorts should be exacty that--shorts. They should be white and extend to the knee or nearly so. No briefs, and certainly no "banana hammocks."



Many men are "teasing" their hair. I shouldn't even have to point out how gay this is. There are only two genuine types of hairsytles for men: combed straight back or parted to the side. Brilliantine and hairdressing are perfecty acceptable to achieve either end, provided it is done in a timely manner.



Be wary, gentlemen, or this might happen to you:


Last edited by Old Man Hatchet; 10-07-2007 at 04:55 PM.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 12:02 AM

Wait, so if you're not gay why would you make yourself look gay with cosmetics? Like a woman?

That is beyond the pale.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 12:18 AM

Is this about those sodomites who pose as well-groomed normal men but secretly want to be females, defying God's Divine Plan? I've never understood vermin like that. Possession by demons is the only possible explanation.

Quote:
"I will punish ... all such as are clothed with strange apparel. -- Zephaniah 1:8


God does not want us to dress in strange garb or keep abnormal habits. I have always found the mens' department at J. C. Penney's more than adequate for my needs. Praise Jesus.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 12:33 AM

I looked up that term on the Interweb and it was a bunch of gay pornstars and effeminate men with gelled hair and perfumed bottoms. None of the men appeared to be able to drive a tractor or survive in the woods should the Communist Chinese or the Islamists invade. They looked soft and damp palmed. Like girls with tallywackers.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 05:35 AM

Ryan Seacrest is gay because of his millions,(he is in the top twelve millionare thingy in the US now) not because of some gel on his hair. He kissed girls many of times but chose the wide road. Hope it is worth it too him. That camel eye thing....



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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 07:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seeker View Post
Ryan Seacrest is gay because of his millions, (he is in the top twelve millionare thingy in the US now) not because of some gel on his hair. He kissed girls many of times but chose the wide road. Hope it is worth it too him. That camel eye thing ....
Oh you mean this thingy here, in two of the Gospels ...

Mark 10:25
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

Luke 18:25
For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.


... But! ... is wealth really Ryan Seacrest's downfall? ... I think it's his hairdo ...

... and that quirky-twisted homer smile of his ...


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 08:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post


That is one good looking guy! Are you saying you wouldn't want to look like that? The more fool you!



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 09:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
That is one good looking guy! Are you saying you wouldn't want to look like that? The more fool you!
As a True Christian™ Pastor, I can assure you that I look better than that queer you so admire. Jesus gave me rock hard abs and looks that draw women like flies to honey. Only I don't need a bunch of girly perfumed goo in my hair, and I wear my boxers from the Godly JC Penney company, and I do not think that my God-given raw sexuality is the most important thing in my life.

My relationship with Christ is.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 09:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
As a True Christian™ Pastor, I can assure you that I look better than that queer you so admire. Jesus gave me rock hard abs and looks that draw women like flies to honey.
Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites. Your avatar only shows your face, so I have only your word that you resemble that guy with his long hair and his seemingly quite well endowed-ness and muscles and perfect tone etc

Quote:
Only I don't need a bunch of girly perfumed goo in my hair, and I wear my boxers from the Godly JC Penney company, and I do not think that my God-given raw sexuality is the most important thing in my life.
So then what, you let your hair stay greasy and have a weekly wash with lye soap? Blechhh



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 09:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites. Your avatar only shows your face, so I have only your word that you resemble that guy with his long hair and his seemingly quite well endowed-ness and muscles and perfect tone etc

I cannot begin to tell you how many offers I have had to be a masculine, Manly model for companies such as JC Penney and Ramrod Monthly. I have devoted my life to Jesus, and doing His bidding. I am not some boymeat for you to look at while you sin.


So then what, you let your hair stay greasy and have a weekly wash with lye soap? Blechhh
For your information, every morning and every evening I take a cake of soap and lather it into my hair, rinse it out, then repeat. I am able to maintain my stunning good looks without resorting to any artificial pomades or brilliantines.

I only use lye soap when I have come into contact with filthy females who are experiencing their monthly curse. Which is far too often.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 09:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I cannot begin to tell you how many offers I have had to be a masculine, Manly model for companies such as JC Penney and Ramrod Monthly. I have devoted my life to Jesus, and doing His bidding. I am not some boymeat for you to look at while you sin.
Again, I have only your word. And don't worry, I don't look at boymeat, I prefer looking at fullgrown manmeat...like that divine specimen whose pic I pointed out in this thread.

Quote:
For your information, every morning and every evening I take a cake of soap and lather it into my hair, rinse it out, then repeat. I am able to maintain my stunning good looks without resorting to any artificial pomades or brilliantines.
If not lye soap then what? I thought that was a favorite product for you hillbilly er...christian types.
I didn't think that you hillbilly umm...christian types were a fan of daily bathing either.

Quote:
I only use lye soap when I have come into contact with filthy females who are experiencing their monthly curse. Which is far too often.
How so? The women you 'minister' to while watching them in strip clubs?



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 02:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Oh yeah? I don't see pictures of you on any underwear model sites.
I think you are trying to provoke Pastor Zeke into accepting one of the many offers he has received from modeling agencies so you can see him in his skivvies. Shameless hussy.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 03:14 PM

Brother Hatchet and all,

Forgive me for intruding on you Mens' inner sanctum. I just came in to pull that witch Hellsinker out before she winks at you-all.

As long as I am in here, I'd like to add to the list those "Men" who wear those sissified pullover sweaters like neegroe Bill Cosby does.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 05:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Brother Hatchet and all,

Forgive me for intruding on you Mens' inner sanctum. I just came in to pull that witch Hellsinker out before she winks at you-all.

As long as I am in here, I'd like to add to the list those "Men" who wear those sissified pullover sweaters like neegroe Bill Cosby does.
I second the apology and concern about Mz. VanHellthinker . . . And my concern is that Rachael will have us all wearing hemp unisex underwear with button up fronts that encourage the "M" activity!


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 05:43 PM

It's a sorry world. I have heard of this Seacrest fellow and from the looks of him I could beat him stupid in a few seconds. he gives me the impression of a no talent hack who has nothing going for him except his looks. He'd never last in my Compound.


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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 06:33 PM

I would never have posted that picture of the homosexual in the banana hammock had I known Sister SUV and Mother Glendora would be visiting. Ladies, knock on the door next time so we have time to "clean up."
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 09:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post

I would never have posted that picture of the homosexual in the banana hammock had I known Sister SUV and Mother Glendora would be visiting. Ladies, knock on the door next time so we have time to "clean up."
Well I have to admit that at first glance he's hot, but realizing he's a homer kinda spoils it, know what I mean? ...


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 10:17 PM

He'd never survive the Rapture dressed like that. I'm telling you all, this Metrosexuality thing is BAD for men as a whole and not just from a True Christian™ perspective either. It makes men soft and easily whooped in a fight. It makes them too weak to work real jobs and makes them gay to boot making offspring impossible. How are we supposed to overtake the roach-like reproductive numbers of the Chinese and the Muslims if men act and look like women?
Jesus doesn't want men to be smooth hairless powder puffs. He wants men to be MEN.
A little Bryllcreme never hurts on Sunday morning but all the goop and powder and tweezing it takes to look like that queer in the panties is just too much. That ain't right I'm telling you, these guys are going to make Jesus come and start smiting folks by the hundreds if they aren't careful and they don't get right with the Lord and quick.


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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 10:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall View Post
A little Bryllcreme never hurts on Sunday morning.
Very little, Brother. Apparently it instills the desire to play tennis, a game in which one is required to say "love" to keep score. How gay is that?

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Default Re: Metrosexuals - 10-07-2007, 11:45 PM

Another one of my favorite things perverted by the homosexual agenda!
Now what can I use to get the "ready for Jesus" look on Sunday?


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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