Hello

~~Laura_~~ · **Hello -** 08-10-2009, 06:47 PM

I can't say I'm too pleased with my tagline. I follow the word of Jesus and am not trash. I was saved many years ago.

Thanks.

Ezekiel Bathfire · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura_

I can't say I'm too pleased with my tagline. I follow the word of Jesus

I predict that within 4 posts you will have to agree that you do not.

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and am not trash.

You are being examined by The Department of Faith - until they say different, you are.

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I was saved many years ago.

You have never attended Landover, you cannot be a True Christian™ therefore, you are NOT Saved™

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Thanks.

Not at all - glad to be of assistance.

Now. Jesus sent you here for a purpose. He has looked into your soul and decided that you have committed iniquities.

Tell us about yourself:
What is your favorite Bible verse?
How many children do you have?
What does your husband do?
Have you his permission to post here?

Jenni111 · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:29 PM

Welcome Laura

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

You have never attended Landover, you cannot be a True Christian™ therefore, you are NOT Saved™

??? If I don't attend Landover, I can't be saved? What's the difference between going to my church and yours?

~~Laura_~~ · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

You have never attended Landover, you cannot be a True Christian™ therefore, you are NOT Saved™Not at all - glad to be of assistance.

Have you ever visited Landover?

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Tell us about yourself:

Hi, I'm Laura, I'm 18, blonde hair, very intelligent, massive...intellect. If you want to know mor you can reply here or leave me a private message x x

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What is your favorite Bible verse?

The one with the things about the stuff, you know.

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How many children do you have?

None. I don't believe in sex before marriage. Anal doesn't count, right?

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What does your husband do?

I'm not married

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Have you his permission to post here?

Nobar King · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:39 PM

You have a 'massive intellect'? Would that be like a size D-D?

James Hutchins · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenni111

Welcome Laura

??? If I don't attend Landover, I can't be saved? What's the difference between going to my church and yours?

Your Church must be an approved Baptist one. Provide a Pastor with the Church name, telephone number and he can check on it for you.

releaseme · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

You Church must be an approved Baptist one. Provide a Pastor with the Church name, telephone number and he can check on it for you.

James its your church not you church sorry if i'm wrong

James Hutchins · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laura_

Have you ever visited Landover?

sn't exist.
Weekly

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Hi, I'm Laura, I'm 18, blonde hair, very intelligent, massive...intellect. If you want to know mor you can reply here or leave me a private message x x

I suppose you like long walks on the beach, kittens and chocolate.
Look hussy, this is not a place for your transvestite escort service.

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The one with the things about the stuff, you know.

Right..... the only time you touch a Bible is to put it under an wobbly table.

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None. I don't believe in sex before marriage. Anal doesn't count,right?

Thought no one would miss the part you tried to sneak by us? The JeOS picked it up for me.

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I'm not married

Of course not, Homers cannot marry. They are an abomination if the eyes of God and all decent mankind.

James Hutchins · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by releaseme

James its your church not you church sorry if i'm wrong

You are correct, thanks!

Ezekiel Bathfire · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenni111

??? If I don't attend Landover, I can't be saved? What's the difference between going to my church and yours?

Your church does not follow every one of God's Words as laid out in KJV1611.

Your church tells you the fluffy-bunny bits of the Bible and insists that God is all about love and that He cares about everyone. He does not.

Your church speaks of Heaven but has little about Hell. Your church believes that people with flat noses can become pastors, ours does not. It does not because God say they will not become pastors.

I could go on but you are a woman and a lot of ideas together will confuse you.

Jenni111 · **Re: Hello -** 08-10-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Your church does not follow every one of God's Words as laid out in KJV1611.

Your church tells you the fluffy-bunny bits of the Bible and insists that God is all about love and that He cares about everyone. He does not.

Your church speaks of Heaven but has little about Hell. Your church believes that people with flat noses can become pastors, ours does not. It does not because God say they will not become pastors.

I could go on but you are a woman and a lot of ideas together will confuse you.

Yes, that may be true, but there's nothing I can really do about that.

Repentant Liberal · **Re: Hello -** 08-11-2009, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenni111

Yes, that may be true, but there's nothing I can really do about that.

Sure there is, you can switch churches!

James Hutchins · **Re: Hello -** 08-11-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenni111

Yes, that may be true, but there's nothing I can really do about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Repentant Liberal

Sure there is, you can switch churches!

See Jenni, that was the point of the original question. Not all Churches qualify for True Christian™ status. If a Church is not already qualified, often a quick phone call and a transfer is all it takes to become qualified. If a Church is not True Chrisitan Qualified®, you may not be getting the complete truth that is in the Bible from your Pastor. Being only partially Saved© is nto a good wy to go though life. Could you imagine dying, going to the Pearly Gates, havin the list checked for your name to go inside, only to be led away, kicking and screaming as they toss you in to the gates of Hell.
You know, you're dead. Sadly, you di not become fully or properly Saved©. Instantly your soul begin falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.
Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.

Jenni111 · **Re: Hello -** 08-11-2009, 06:33 PM

That was all very graphic...

James Hutchins · **Re: Hello -** 08-11-2009, 06:44 PM

I am sorry it was such a strong message but I was getting the feeling you were approaching being Saved© a bit too cavalier.
Now, maybe you do not want to be Saved©, maybe you are one of those types that only reads the palatable parts of the Bible.
God gave you free will. It is up to you to make the correct choice. I think you are a good person, prove me right.