[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Brothers and sisters, we need your prayers tonight. About two hours ago, I received a phone call from fellow church member Rebuko the Clown who was thrown in jail today under completely bogus allegations. I will admit though that I was quite flattered that he used his only phone call on me, since he knew I am a man that can make things happen. Just another case of Christian persecution that goes on today under our new Obama-nation.

Rebuko aka Starshine Simpson (a birth name given to him by his hippie mother) aka "Steve" Simpson is in serious trouble. For the past two months, he has worked as a janitor and handyman for the local Girl Scouts here in Iowa at Camp Tanglefoot. This is what apparently happened...

At 7:30 this evening, several girl scouts were on a nature hike on the outer perimeter of the compound. One girl went to relieve herself in a nearby pit outhouse. As she defecated, she claimed to have heard a "heavy breathing" below her. She shined her flashlight down into the toilet and saw Rebuko looking up at her, feces on his face, masturbating. She screamed and fled the outhouse.

What Rebuko told me over the phone was that yes, he was down in the bottom of the toilet pit, but he was trying to unclog a drain. I asked him why he thought a pit outhouse would have a drain and he didn't know. Look, the guy is innocent, not smart. It was a simple mistake you or I could make. I asked him about the masturbation claims and he refuted it. He swore on Jesus's good name he was not masturbating while having a pre-pubescent girl take a dump on his face. All he was trying to do was clean a toilet for $7 an hour.

I think what is happening is that a True Christian™ brother is being railroaded by the system. We live in sue-happy times where every man is a rapist and every Christian is an enemy of the state. I think we all know deep down that this is a horrible misunderstanding and Brother Rebuko is innocent. I mean, this is a man so humble he opens up his home for children to have fun in! Why is such a wonderful person being persecuted?

I am praying so hard tonight, and making arrangements for my top lawyer to represent him pro bono and hopefully he will be free from this very, very soon.

[Felicity]

This is so sad!

Why are they so mean to that nice clown?

[James Hutchins]

I am shocked and outraged. What can I do to help? All Rebuko wants to do is put a smile on peoples feces.

[MisterM]

Rebuko should sue those girls, their were the ones relieving themselves on man!

I don't understand why Rebuko is in Jail.

[Jack O'fagan]

Us True Christians seem to get dumped on all the time these days. But now we also get arrested for it as well. This is no different from the persecution suffered by the early Christian martyrs!

(apart from the poopy face and the masturbation.)

YiC

Jack

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

The witness is obviously not competent. Either she is too young to know what masturbation is, or she's too much of a harlot to be trusted by anyone.

Also, other parts of her story just don't seem to make sense and I can't believe it. I demand a full recreation of the scene until I am satisfied.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Instead of going after Brother Rebuko with these frivolous and largely untrue charges, why not go after the REAL criminals, like:

- people who remove the Ten Commandments from court houses

- abortion doctors

- joo bankers

Etc., etc.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan

Us True Christians seem to get dumped on all the time these days.

"Pun intended" Brother John?

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

At 7:30 this evening, several girl scouts were on a nature hike on the outer perimeter of the compound. One girl went to relieve herself in a nearby pit outhouse. As she defecated, she claimed to have heard a "heavy breathing" below her.

Exposing herself in public, probably drunk....aren't these (lizzie) girl Scouts notorious for things of this sort? Witnessing scatology, too! POOR BROTHER REBUKO!

PS The "heavy breathing" sound probably came from winds generated by her own stretched-out, self-abused, worn-out cooter.

[Jack O'fagan]

Originally Posted by SUV

"Pun intended" Brother John?

Yes and who's John?

Jack

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan

Yes and who's John?

Jack

You know how formal we Christians are. In public

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Did Rebuko forget to put up the "Out of Order" sign again?

I remember he forgot the sign a while back when he was working on the sewer under Widow Helen's "Pie Hole", which she finally managed to open in Freehold.

I'd just left the men's room when up from the basement came a urine-soaked Rebuko, makeup running down his face, clutching a pipe wrench and wanting to know what joker has just peed all over him. Widow Helen pointed out to him that he'd not put up the sign to warn people the bathroom was out of order, that it was his own foolish fault that he got soaked, and that he should be glad nobody had done Number Two.

When Rebuko demanded that she shut her Pie Hole . . . well, let's just say I'm glad I wasn't the one who recommended she close up shop early! The woman is a workaholic.


Widow Helen serves up some of her famous cherry pie.

And, I might add, her pie is much more moist and delicious than it used to be.

Where were we? Oh, yes. Rebuko.

Was the sign up or not?

[JustGotSaved]

I cant belive this about brother Rebuko. My first impression of him was, "There's a man i can trust", and i'm sticking with that.

And in the darkness, i'm sure the girl thought he was debatingmasterly when what she saw in fact was the handle on the plunger or something.

Besides, who would ever m-bate in a toilet pit? You'd have to be a real sicko-pervret-freak to get off on that, no matter Who was sh*tting on you!

No, which is more likely? Rebuko some kind of sick freak? Or rebuko making an innocent mistake?

My money's on the Mistake!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

What's happening with Rebuko? Is he freed yet?

[Titus Templeton]

Welcome to the year 2011. Womans shit in the face of men and after that they scream for rape.

[HTannor]

A careful examination of the awards given to Brother Rebuko clearly shows he has earned the highly coveted "Ex Masturbator" medal.

The Pastors do not award such medals lightly.

Therefore the masturbation charge is clearly evidence of how we True Christians™ are being persecuted.

[MisterM]

Originally Posted by JustGotSaved

No, which is more likely? Rebuko some kind of sick freak? Or rebuko making an innocent mistake?

My money's on the Mistake!

I suspect that this is some sort of plot by non-Christian clown.

YiC,
Miikkael

[SUV]

Didn't we recently have a thread which proved that "rape" "victims" are dirty whores?

Hallelujah

[Born Again Bob]

Dear Friends,

Rebuko has been cleared!

In the interests of seeing that justice is done, Officer Bobby-Joe and I learned the name of the accusing camper. We sent out an APB on Twitter and Facebook that many of you may have seen, asking that every True Christian™ deliver a Bible to the lawn of the accusing girl's house so that she could better pray on her decisions. (As the records show, we did NOT ask anyone to throw a Bible through her window, even if the Spirit so moved some believers). All told, more than 3,000 Bibles were delivered to the accuser's lawn before she recanted in full, in writing. The accuser is in custody at a juvenile detention facility at this time. Rebuko has been set free.

The Bibles were left for her parents, as they are also chock full of parenting advice.

Thank God (literally) that justice has been served and our dear brother's name cleared! All from THE POWER OF THE BIBLE!

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Jacob Hauty]

Originally Posted by Born Again Bob

Dear Friends,

Rebuko has been cleared!

In the interests of seeing that justice is done, Officer Bobby-Joe and I learned the name of the accusing camper. We sent out an APB on Twitter and Facebook that many of you may have seen, asking that every True Christian™ deliver a Bible to the lawn of the accusing girl's house so that she could better pray on her decisions. (As the records show, we did NOT ask anyone to throw a Bible through her window, even if the Spirit so moved some believers). All told, more than 3,000 Bibles were delivered to the accuser's lawn before she recanted in full, in writing. The accuser is in custody at a juvenile detention facility at this time. Rebuko has been set free.

The Bibles were left for her parents, as they are also chock full of parenting advice.

Thank God (literally) that justice has been served and our dear brother's name cleared! All from THE POWER OF THE BIBLE!

Yours in Him,
BAB

This is great to hear! I hadn't heard of Rebuko until today, but I'm glad the charges were dropped. He seems like such a kind man to help care for children, and he seems like he genuinely meant what he said when he stated he was not masturbating.
SING HALLELUJAH!