[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Ladies,


I knew you'd ALL be dying to hear the story of my return to Sunday services in Freehold - particularly those of you who live too far away to attend the BEST church in the entire world.


Although my seat was a pew and not my usual padded chair only feet away from Pastor, it was still a comfortable view and just inches away from my former location - which I WILL get back shortly. But anyway:


The church was decorated gloriously and even though Sister Etheldreda's children were rather noisy at first, the congregation was able to enjoy our professional organist's rendition of old hymns above the din of those unruly little urchins once I asked an usher to remind them of the solemn day we were observing. Sister Mary's hat was lovely and her "smile" once she figured out who complained to the usher was so genuine. (Love you, Sister!)


Pastor then asked for the candles to be lit and it was an uplifting experience as the darkness of the sanctuary was replaced by the warm glow of thousands of candles, under the protection of Freehold's fire chief and a special squad of volunteer firefighters. They were all so handsome and muscular and that blue eyed one in the tight pants needs to get in touch with me so we can share Christian fellowship.


After a brief song session, Pastor approached the podium and began to deliver his welcomes. I am sure the fact that he didn't announce my return was purely an oversight. Sister Mitzalizalor was called to the podium to deliver a special presentation regarding the various flora and fauna associated with this most holy of days. Her touching demonstration regarding all the terrible things that can happen when you give a bunny as a child's pet was particularly effective, and only a few members got rabbit blood on their Easter outfits. Since most of them were polyester, I doubt it was any great loss.


And then, the brilliant message of Pastor. Most churches likely had the Easter story repeated to them, but not ours! Instead, Pastor spoke on the topic, "How Tithing Ensures YOUR Place in God's Church." Oh, of course he mentioned the resurrection in there somewhere, stating, "Just as Christ rose from the dead, YOU can raise the amount of your tithe." It was an incredibly anointed and relevant message, during which special "I WILL RISE WITH JESUS" envelopes were distributed, asking us to specify how much we were going to increase our tithe over the next several weeks. Pastor cares about our spiritual growth, and how can he provide us with spiritual growth if our church budget remains stagnant?


I wonder if everyone saw how beautiful Sister Whitford's outfit was? And didn't pastor's special "Youth for Jesus" Asian group look particularly handsome in their little pink suits? What a shame that some were crying when they were led out of the church to return to the Flint Estate. I am sure those were tears of joy, though.


I will fully expect my rightful seat for this week's prayer service, but other than that little glitch, I think everyone was truly blessed to see me in church today. I just knew they would be!


In Christ's Humility and Spiritual Might,
NRL


PS: I didn't see any notice of my return in the church bulletin. Who is writing that these days?