Well, Mr Mayor, sir, I for one am relieved, rather than sorry, that you have not been invited to this unholy shindig. I see that it is taking place at Vatican City (can they even call it a city, with a population of under 1,000?) where you would be at risk from rampant priests, altar boys, nuns and - most dangerous of all -
the self-described "secular Jewish feminist" and environmental advocate Naomi Klein! I think I speak for all the Ladies here when I say that we want to keep our mayor safe.
The details of what these invited mayors have done are frankly bizarre, though.
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One city banned Styrofoam. Another has the highest percentage of "clean" cars in Europe. Still another has cut greenhouse gas emissions by 29 percent since 1990 - while seeing its GDP grow 19 percent.
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Styrofoam? We use that when we take a picnic to the beach, to keep things
cool. Also, cleaning your car helps to keep it cool if you wash it with cold water. As for greenhouse gases, the whole point of a greenhouse is to keep the warm air in, not to open the door and let the heat out. All of these acts would lead to global cooling, if anything. Have they got it all back to front?
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Experts have long said that cities are key to reducing global warming since urban areas account for nearly three-quarters of human emissions.
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I really don't even want to know what sort of emissions Pope Onan is talking about here.
I say, break out the steaks and let's all have a barbecue!