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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-23-2009, 09:59 PM
I have a few:
* watching the earth vomit out sinners
* watching Judas's bowels erupting out of his body
* watching God remove all remembrance of the Amelekites
* watching the sinful infants being dashed upon the rocks
Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are un Godly among them of all their un Godly deeds which they have un Godly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which un Godly sinners have spoken against him.
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-24-2009, 12:05 AM
I would like to witness the tender scene where the young, newlywed Mary tells Joseph that although she is untouched by him, she is to bring forth a child.
I am sure he wept with holy joy that he had been gifted so.
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Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar Biblical Black Belt Jr. Pastor
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-24-2009, 05:12 AM
I would have liked to see the scene when Aaron's sons angered God so much (by worshiping Him in the wrong way) that fire came out of Him, which devoured and killed them. - Leviticus 10:1-2
Or when God sent fire to consume the people of Israel who were complaining about living conditions in the desert (Numbers 11:1)
And I would also like to see if God delivered on his promise of punishment to all who disobey His laws: (among many other things) smite you with hemorrhoids, madness, and blindness, burn or starve you to death, have some animals eat you, and snakes bite you. If you still refuse to obey, he will have your wife raped and force you eat your own children. Deuteronomy 28:15-68, 32:23-25
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-25-2009, 01:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oakland "Reb" Griner
I have a few:
* watching God remove all remembrance of the Amelekites
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I can imagine God might have to kill you if he let you watch that, in case you remembered it. Which raises another interesting question: could you watch Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt without being turned into a pillar of salt yourself?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-25-2009, 03:00 PM
I would be most fascinated to see how Lot managed to get so much wine after leaving Sodom with such haste. So much that he became inebriated enough to "know" his daughters two nights in a row.
It must have been quite the party.
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-25-2009, 07:14 PM
I'd like to see how wicked Queen Jezebel (government traitor, meddlesome wife of Ahab, worshiper of alien dieties Baal and "the sacred post") did her hair and makeup before being thrown from a tower and devoured by dogs.
2 Kings 9:30 And when Jehu was come to Jezreel, Jezebel heard of it; and she painted her face, and tired her head, and looked out at a window.
By seeing the styles she picked, we could more easily identify Present-Day Jezebels in our midsts. (I rented the movie, but the story's updated to the Civil War. Until we know more, we should beware girls with enormous pop eyes wearing hoopskirts.)
But remember:
2 Kings 9:22 'How can all be well as long as your mother Jezebel carries on her countless harlotries and sorceries'?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-25-2009, 09:10 PM
I would have liked to see the look on all those snotty brat kid's faces when the two she-bears came roaring out of the forest and tore them to bits to teach them a lesson
Quote:
23: And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up that way, there came forth little children of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; Go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood and tare forty and two children of them.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-27-2009, 09:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
I would have liked to see the look on all those snotty brat kid's faces when the two she-bears came roaring out of the forest and tore them to bits to teach them a lesson
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Oh sweet Jesus YES! YESYESYESYES!!!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-27-2009, 01:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God
There are SO MANY to choose from, but if you could have witnessed just one of GOD's amazing displays of heroism and judgment in the Bible, which would it be?
I know what I would have wanted to witness: GOD's magnificent slaughter of Egypt's first born sons. I would run door to door laughing and pointing at fathers and mothers cradling the cold, limp bodies of their children in their arms, weeping and crying, only to tell them if their Pharaoh hadn't been such an atheist, their kids would still be alive!
Glory!
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Amen
Leonard Paul Holyfire
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-27-2009, 01:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
And seeing two of every animal and 8 humans on a huge boat would be an awesome sight, too.
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Actually Noah took 7 of all the clean animals.
Genesis 7:2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to make a sacrifice to God right after the Flood, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
2. Moses sends hordes of frogs into Egypt. They rise up from the river (I guess they were escaping the bloody fish stench), and they cover all the land, even people's homes, filling their beds and their ovens (who knew the river Nile had SO MANY frogs in it!) However, Pharaoh's magicians could also do this (apparently a few of the frogs were still lingering in the bloody river). Then, all the frogs die, and they Egyptians have the gather their bodies in piles, and their decaying smell fills Egypt.
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I must confess I never understood that one. The Bible tells us that God covered the land with frogs:
Exodus 8:6 And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.
So when Pharaoh's magicians copied the miracle, did they cover the old frogs with new frogs, or what?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
3. Moses turns all the dust in Egypt into lice. Lice infects every person and animal in Egypt. (The magicians were not able to copy this, though, which seems strange. I mean, you would think if they could conjure frogs out of thin air and turn non-existent water into blood, making some lice would be a cinch...)
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I think the magicians learned a lesson: namely that they were fighting a losing battle. Why would they cover Egypt with frogs and lice twice? Why would they copy the miracle of killing all the Egyptian cattle? Or killing every firstborn Egyptian son?
That's the trouble when the fight takes place in your home. Even if you win, you lose. That's why it makes much more sense to fight terrorism in Afghanistan and Iraq than at home.
1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-27-2009, 08:53 PM
First off, I have no interest in seeing Silvia Saint reenact the role of Solomon's "comely" concubine, who takes Solomon to 'the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense... until the break of day' (Song of Songs, 4:5).
What I would like to have seen are the faces on the Church fathers in Jerusalem, when they realized that socialism wasn't going to sustain their Church into the next quarter (Acts 2:44-46, Acts 4:32). Talk about a rude awakening -- but one that helped establish the foundation for profitable and glorious ministries like Landover's and Rev. Jim's.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-28-2009, 06:55 AM
I would love to see the look on Abraham's face when the Angel of the Lord stopped him from gutting Isaac.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-28-2009, 04:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
I would love to see the look on Abraham's face when the Angel of the Lord stopped him from gutting Isaac.
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The look on Isaac's face would been worth catching, too. (I'm thinking that -- as the reality of what had just not happened sunk in -- Isaac had a WTF moment for the record books, if you'll pardon my French.)
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-28-2009, 05:33 PM
I'd like to have seen Samuel's ghost appear at Endor to insult Saul:
1 Samuel 28:7 Then said Saul unto his servants, Seek me a woman that hath a familiar spirit, that I may go to her, and enquire of her. And his servants said to him, Behold, there is a woman that hath a familiar spirit at Endor
8 And Saul disguised himself, and put on other raiment, and he went, and two men with him, and they came to the woman by night: and he said, I pray thee, divine unto me by the familiar spirit, and bring me him up, whom I shall name unto thee.
9 And the woman said unto him, Behold, thou knowest what Saul hath done, how he hath cut off those that have familiar spirits, and the wizards, out of the land: wherefore then layest thou a snare for my life, to cause me to die?
10 And Saul sware to her by the LORD, saying, As the LORD liveth, there shall no punishment happen to thee for this thing.
11 Then said the woman, Whom shall I bring up unto thee? And he said, Bring me up Samuel.
12 And when the woman saw Samuel, she cried with a loud voice: and the woman spake to Saul, saying, Why hast thou deceived me? for thou art Saul.
13 And the king said unto her, Be not afraid: for what sawest thou? And the woman said unto Saul, I saw gods ascending out of the earth.
14 And he said unto her, What form is he of? And she said, An old man cometh up; and he is covered with a mantle. And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground, and bowed himself.
15 And Samuel said to Saul, Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up? And Saul answered, I am sore distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God is departed from me, and answereth me no more, neither by prophets, nor by dreams: therefore I have called thee, that thou mayest make known unto me what I shall do.
16 Then said Samuel, Wherefore then dost thou ask of me, seeing the LORD is departed from thee, and is become thine enemy?
I don't know if there were any Ewoks around, but it must have been quite a sight either way.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-28-2009, 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
I can imagine God might have to kill you if he let you watch that, in case you remembered it. Which raises another interesting question: could you watch Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt without being turned into a pillar of salt yourself?
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If you were standing between her and Sodom, then you would have gotten to see the look of terror on her face as she turned into the pillar.
In fact, if you popped up behind her, you might be the reason she turned around. There might have been a lot of time travelers there, watching the scene.
I'd imagine they would have made quite the rukus. So as the family was walking away, and she was last all the time travelers are back there going "is she going to turn around yet?" "When will she turn around".
Meanwhile, Lot is up front going "Don't turn around uh oh" .
Finally, one of the time travelers says "Hey Lot's wife, look at this" and she turns around and everyone is like "awwww, perfect, just the way I imagined it".
Then they leave.
YIC
V
Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-29-2009, 04:45 AM
I would personally want to witness the miracle that was Jesus' birth.
So I could kill him there and then and stop any of this shit ever happening.
Bunch of freaks.
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Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar Biblical Black Belt Jr. Pastor
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-29-2009, 04:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LatterDaySaint1830
I would personally want to witness the miracle that was Jesus' birth.
So I could kill him there and then and stop any of this shit ever happening.
Bunch of freaks.
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Silly rabbit. Don't you know He'd just come back to life three days later?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-29-2009, 05:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LatterDaySaint1830
I would personally want to witness the miracle that was Jesus' birth.
So I could kill him there and then and stop any of this shit ever happening.
Bunch of freaks.
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Ooooo, that comment just assured your place in HELL.
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-29-2009, 05:16 AM
hell to me is anyplace that fools like you have freedom of speech.
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Apostle of the North
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Re: Amazing Biblical Events You Would Most Like To Have Witnessed -
12-29-2009, 08:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LatterDaySaint1830
I would personally want to witness the miracle that was Jesus' birth.
So I could kill him there and then and stop any of this shit ever happening.
Bunch of freaks.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LatterDaySaint1830
hell to me is anyplace that fools like you have freedom of speech.
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Do we need further proof that atheists are a bunch of immoral murderers, who would even deny us the freedom of speech?
Let's hope that we get Biblical rule introduced in this country soon, so we're able to deal with these ungodly people in a True Christian™ way.
1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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