[CactusCarl]

I noticed the other day my sons friend was acting in a homosexual way, I wanted to confront him and tell him to never come back to my home. I was not able to because of my work schedule. I told my son that if he ever talked to that homo ever again that he would burn in hell.

I am doing the right thing right? I don't no if he is indeed a homosexual.

[Nobar King]

Before any advice is offered, Carl, we need to fully understand your message. What is the meaning of this statement:

Originally Posted by CactusCarl

I don't no if he is indeed a homosexual.

[CactusCarl]

He has been acting strange in my home. My son told me he loves playing the Wii and also he dresses like a homer. Also his voice has become higher and higher over the years not lower like normal. He does not enjoy hunting with the rest of the men and enjoys cooking.

Those are some of my suspicions.

[kloger]

I have seen this boy around the neighborhood and I now realize that you are correct Brother Carl. Thank you for calling this homer to our attention. I will be sure to confront him the next time he appears. As for your son, I advise that you keep him away from this gothfag.

[CactusCarl]

Thank you brother for this support to get these homers out of our fine town.

[Nobar King]

Are you dopes expecting us to fall for this charade? We don't care about your friend's son, or your son's friend, or whatever. We're here to save you for Jesus, so if you care about being members of God's finest church, please start with an introduction (in the introduction forum), and tell us about yourself and why you want to worship with us.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Are you dopes expecting us to fall for this charade? We don't care about your friend's son, or your son's friend, or whatever. We're here to save you for Jesus, so if you care about being members of God's finest church, please start with an introduction (in the introduction forum), and tell us about yourself and why you want to worship with us.

More importantly show us Carl were are and your butt buddy Kloger aren't homos yourself. You son had to get the gay virus from somewhere and the father is the obvious place to start. Jesus is telling me Carl about you and Kloger hunting trips were you only bring on sleeping bag.

What's the story Carl?

[kr!stin]

Before you jump to any conclusions, why don't you confront the boy and ask him if he is infact homosexual.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by kr!stin

Before you jump to any conclusions, why don't you confront the boy and ask him if he is infact homosexual.

Now how would expect that to help? That's like asking an murder suspect did he kill anyone, of course they are going to lie.

Lady, leave finding homers to us men.

[kr!stin]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

Now how would expect that to help? That's like asking an murder suspect did he kill anyone, of course they are going to lie.

Lady, leave finding homers to us men.

Well what if he isn't homosexual?
What role does gender play in this conversation? Nothing. It has nothing to do with finding out if a boy is homosexual.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by kr!stin

Well what if he isn't homosexual?
What role does gender play in this conversation? Nothing. It has nothing to do with finding out if a boy is homosexual.

You must like watching gladiator movies.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by kr!stin

Well what if he isn't homosexual? What role does gender play in this conversation? Nothing. It has nothing to do with finding out if a boy is homosexual.

Women just don't have the right touch to find gays. I don't care if that's not PC, it's a fact.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I'd like to point out to the three queers making this thread that Jesus not only hates sodomites, but He hates those who defend them.

Homers (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death."

Romans 1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

So you can giggle all you like, but you are all three hellbound whether you are actual fags or just trying to offer them comfort.

[Shirlee Phelps-Dodge]

Originally Posted by CactusCarl

He has been acting strange in my home. My son told me he loves playing the Wii and also he dresses like a homer. Also his voice has become higher and higher over the years not lower like normal. He does not enjoy hunting with the rest of the men and enjoys cooking.

Those are some of my suspicions.

Well, Carly, have YOU come to the right place!

In the years before my husband's death, we were employed by the church as the local homer hunters. (We called them "sodomites" and "perverts" in my day.) I tied up many a pansy in my day, helping Joseph drive out the demons from their colons! And I taught these here boys like BJ everything they know about hunting homersexuals, from the days before they allowed men to do it alone.

I'll be happy to tell you how to check and see if this boy is, indeed, a pantywaist pervert!

First of all, Curly, you should get the boy alone. You don't want your son trying to protect his sodomite pal! "Daaaadddy," he'll whine, "Stop harassing Quentin! He's a NICE boy!" No. None of that. Send your boy out hunting with Uncle Nobar or something.

Check out the pansy's pants. The boys these days are changing back from those nasty crack-displaying prison homeboy jeans to what they call "skinny jeans", which are very tight and designed to show off the rear end. Do this boy's buttocks bulge against the seams? Is his posterior squeezed into a fine, lust-inducing shape? Run your hands across the fabric to see how taut the fibers are stretched. Snug? Loose?

If the boy objects, tell him to shut his pie hole and be a man for once.

Check in front, too. Are his family jewels thrust forward into a pouch of sorts, what they call a "basket"? Is it all HIM, or is he "stuffing" with something other than Stove Top? Check.

If so, it's possible he may be a pervert. However, it's entirely possible his pants are just too tight.

Tell the lad to take his pants off. See if his voice drops. Yes? Good! You may get him some pants which fit and see if his condition improves. If not, you must look closely at his undergarments.

Is he wearing particularly tight briefs, or perhaps lacy panties? They love to wear women's clothing, you see. Check to see if they are tight. Do they seem snug-fitting? Or are they growing MORE tight the longer you look at him in them, and as you check them for tightness?

If so, the boy's probably a homersexual. I suggest one more test to be sure.

Tell the boy to sit down in a chair. Standing next to him, whip out a nice hard and thick candy cane, one of the jumbo ones. Have the boy suck on it. Does he seem to like it? Does he go all the way down on it and lick your fingers? When he goes down, does he gag, or does it slide freely down his throat? Do his teeth scrape against it, or do they miss it entirely?

If the boy seems capable of sword-swallowing, I strongly recommend you put him over your knee and spank him good! Inform him that homersexuality is not permitted in your home, and then, Carmen, you pound his butt until he's walking funny for a week! You may have to administer punishment regularly, until every single demon is driven from him, exhausted and drained.

I hope this advice helps you, Curly Joe.

[Glendora Christianson]

I just wanted to add, that the son's soul might be at risk as well. There is no way to tell for sure if his friend's homosexuality hasn't infected the soul. I recommend a Godly organisation such as Boy Scouts of America, to help turn these sissy boys into real men. A summer in the woods or by a lake without the presence of women might help these youngsters.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson

I just wanted to add, that the son's soul might be at risk as well. There is no way to tell for sure if his friend's homosexuality hasn't infected the soul. I recommend a Godly organisation such as Boy Scouts of America, to help turn these sissy boys into real men. A summer in the woods or by a lake without the presence of women might help these youngsters.

Yes Mother Glendora, there is nothing better than a night in a tent with the boys to make a man out of a you.

Originally Posted by Shirlee Phelps-Dodge

And I taught these here boys like BJ everything they know about hunting homersexuals, from the days before they allowed men to do it alone.

Oh, yes I remember your third leg inspections Sister Shirlee (shudder)

[CactusCarl]

I have beaten any homsexual inklings out of my son, so I know for a fact that he will never see that thing again. I am not a homosexual and I would have to end my life if i had any homosexual feelings toward anyone. So you know I have banished the homer from my house and he is being sent away to a school to teach him to rid of his homosexual ways.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by CactusCarl

I have beaten any homsexual inklings out of my son, so I know for a fact that he will never see that thing again. I am not a homosexual and I would have to end my life if i had any homosexual feelings toward anyone. So you know I have banished the homer from my house and he is being sent away to a school to teach him to rid of his homosexual ways.

Is that being a good Christian parent? No! A good Christian parent would beat the gay right out of their son!!!

Pastor Zeke’s dad, Pastor Zeke Sr. kept Zeke locked in a closet for a year when Zeke reached puberty to keep Zeke from becoming gay. Ask Pastor Zeke. Everyday his dad was in the closet with Zeke beating the gay out of him. How do you think Pastor Zeke turned out so not-gay? Huh? That just doesn’t happen.

Be a father for once Carl and take care of your son.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Praise JESUS I still thank my father for that year in the closet. I still have some of the implements he used on me.....He made a man out of me.

Mr. Cactus, if you love your son, you'll beat him senseless. Follow God's teachings and lay it on thick. Don't hold back unless you want him to be a queer.

[JennyD]

It's true, Carl.

These would-be homersexuals just need a good pounding from their fathers to keep 'em on the straight and narrow! Perhaps you should take Sister Shirlee's advice. After all, her kindly visage is on the wall in the church foyer (alongside her husband); she was given an award by the Landover Ex-Gay Chorus a few years back, to thank her for guiding them to Salvation™!