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Default Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-25-2008, 01:05 AM
Dearest Friends,

When you have to smack your kids around for disobeying your commands (and hence, God's), to the tune of what music do you beat them? One of my lady borders has gotten in the family way, and I want to rough the kid up a little in utero just to show him who's boss. I was thinking a half-hour beating to salsa music, or some other precussion-heavy style, but your input would be warmly welcomed.

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
Dearest Friends,

When you have to smack your kids around for disobeying your commands (and hence, God's), to the tune of what music do you beat them? One of my lady borders has gotten in the family way, and I want to rough the kid up a little in utero just to show him who's boss. I was thinking a half-hour beating to salsa music, or some other precussion-heavy style, but your input would be warmly welcomed.

Yours in Him,
BAB
I think you should have somebody play the harmonica...You'd be hearing a lot of it for the next 15 years if you tried it in my state!

ACTS 5:29

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But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 08:32 PM
In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Sacha-DG View Post
In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?
Intelligence has nothing to do with it.
The Word of God commands us to beat children.. spare the rod and spoil the child.
And the fact that it's the best way hands down to discipline kids and make them into good, productive citizens, is probably why God commands it.

If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 10:49 PM
When I worked at the orphanage (after growing up there), we gave the child to be spanked the option of picking from several hymns.

The child would then sing the hymn, with spanks falling at the hand-clap points.

For example:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart to stay

This way, the love of Jesus was quite literally pounded into them!

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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 10:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
When I worked at the orphanage (after growing up there), we gave the child to be spanked the option of picking from several hymns.

The child would then sing the hymn, with spanks falling at the hand-clap points.

For example:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart to stay

This way, the love of Jesus was quite literally pounded into them!
Brilliance! I think some KJV quotations, in song, would be appropriate.

Spare the rod, spoil the childdd!!!
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 11:17 PM
Well, golly, Bob, I hate to imply anything like moral relativism, but might it be wise to use different songs for different offenses?

I imagine little Bertie next door telling his horrible sister, "Ha-ha! You tipped the fridge over and squarshed Mister Kitty-Paws flat! I bet Maw is gonna give you a Texas Two-Step beatin' fer sure!"

Or "I don't care if they find out I ate the last pork chop. It's only an Oh Susanna beating."

The worst would probably be when Paw gets his old Led Zep CD and puts Moby Dick on repeat.

Then did I beat them as small as the dust of the earth, I did stamp them as the mire of the street, and did spread them abroad. 2 Samuel 22:43

~~ OEJ
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 11:40 PM
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I think you should have somebody play the harmonica...You'd be hearing a lot of it for the next 15 years if you tried it in my state!
What? For trying to properly raise our children. That was a terrible thing to say and you a man of God!


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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-26-2008, 11:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacha-DG View Post
In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?
We follow the Holy Word of God, pal. We are fearless in our defense of His Plan, and we couldn't care less what you liberalistas think. Nancy Peloski be damned!!

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-27-2008, 12:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
What? For trying to properly raise our children. That was a terrible thing to say and you a man of God!
Brother Bobby-Joe, I believe you made a typo in your post to the pedophilic Papist.

I'm guessing you meant to say, "That is a terrible thing, you saying that you are a man of God!"

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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-27-2008, 12:37 AM
When i go running to keep my body nice and fit, i like to listen to "Run to hell" by Pink Floyd.

(Gay without a doubt - A guy named Floyd calling himself Pink - but some very nice songs).

It has a natural, repeating rhytm and it goes on forever.

Wonder if it would be usefull for beating children too?



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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-27-2008, 12:52 AM
Some of the all drum songs, where they use the african dunjo drums, would be especially appropriate.
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-27-2008, 03:09 AM
I think I would just sing this tune to them over and over as I beat them.

Jesus loves the little children**

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Jesus died for all the children,
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus died the little children of the world.

Jesus rose for all the children,
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus arose the little children of the world.

Jesus wants the little children,
To be careful what they do; Honor father, mother dear
Keep their hearts so full of cheer; Then he'll take them home to glory by and by.


If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-28-2008, 07:01 PM
Dueling Banjos from Deliverence you hillbilly
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-28-2008, 09:01 PM
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Dueling Banjos from Deliverence you hillbilly
Goodness, you must have one powerful right arm to be able to keep up with that tempo!

Tell me, do your children still walk afterward, or do you call an ambulance just prior to administering Godly discipline?

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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-31-2008, 02:24 AM
RAINING BLOOD!
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 01-31-2008, 02:52 AM
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RAINING BLOOD!
Plug it up, Miss Pad.

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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 02-02-2008, 07:53 AM
Not the song Raining Blood, by slayer.
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SuperChristian194 SuperChristian194 is offline
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 02-02-2008, 10:00 PM
I keep my gothic son locked up in his room because he REFUSES to let the LORD into his heart.

And I don't think I have enough music to keep up with me when I beat him.
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LyingDingDong LyingDingDong is offline
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Default Re: Best Song to Beat Children To? - 02-03-2008, 08:02 AM
I would argue why you shouldn't beat your children and explain to you how you should discipline them with a nonviolent method; however, I'm hoping that you beat your children so bad that they die. This in turn will cause - by natrual selection (your arch enemy) - a decrease in the radical, christian population over many generations. So go ahead, take a swing at your child with any desired music you choose.

I would like you to meet my imaginary friend, God.

"...as Christians we deal with the truth, just because something is written down in a book doesn't mean it happened." - Bobby-Joe
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