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  • #1

    Special Offer for LBC Cooks

    Precious Ladies,


    My newest cookbook, "The Lamb's Book of Life (In the Kitchen)," is being distributed to finer bookstores all over the world as I write this. I am not sure why it was blocked from Freehold bookstores, but it is available in Des Moines and also through Christian online outlets such as Books for Jesus and Glorified Reading, Inc.


    I would like, however, to make an offer to LBC True Christians(TM). For only $25.99, I will autograph a copy and inscribe YOUR NAME in the Lamb's Book of Life. Hallelujah! Imagine being able to say that you know for sure your name appears in the Book of Life - and then reaching for it to show your friends and neighbors! Delightfully illustrated with pictures of my pie and other sweet and savory things to eat, you'll love my helpful hints, such as:


    How to keep fruit salads looking fresh
    Choosing the right squash - a homemaker's dilemma solved!
    How much is too much sugar?
    Lard - is it healthy for my husband?


    There are no better blessings in life for us ladies than to watch our husbands and children enjoying the meals we place before them - well, other than having a best selling cookbook and a successful chain of restaurants - but not all of us can have those things!


    Just send me a private message if you'd like to order my new book. And don't forget to tell me whose name you'd like me to inscribe! My Book of Life is much easier to achieve than our Lord's!


    Blessings to one and all, your friend,
    NRL


    PS: Did you know baking soda is NOT a good refrigerator deodorizer? Learn this and other amazing tips - order The Lamb's Book of Life in the Kitchen today!


    The Lamb's Book of Life is not to be confused with our Lord's roster of True Christians(TM) who will dance and leap at Jesus' feet for eternity. Unless otherwise directed, inscription will read "To (your name), with love from Naomi, the best piemaker in the universe." Postage and handling of $20 will be added to each order. If you want more than one name inscribed, each additional name will add $20 to the total cost. No personal checks accepted. Visa, MC, Discover, or US Postal Money Orders only. NO PAYPAL. The Lamb's Book of Life in the Kitchen(R) is not available in Muslim countries and will not be sold to unsaved persons. Proof of Salvation(R) must be included with order to avoid shipping delays.
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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  • #2
    Re: Special Offer for LBC Cooks

    How nice to see you back, and busier than ever, praise Jesus! As you can probably imagine, it's been a while since I've needed to consult a cook book, as I'm quite familiar with the in-and-outs of raising and feeding a growing family. However I am curious if your newest book has any recipes for fresh placenta. It's God's gift to new mothers, which you won't know anything about yet but by God's grace you may one day. Anyway, I'll be on the look out for some new ideas in the next few months.
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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    • #3
      Re: Special Offer for LBC Cooks

      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
      How nice to see you back, and busier than ever, praise Jesus! As you can probably imagine, it's been a while since I've needed to consult a cook book, as I'm quite familiar with the in-and-outs of raising and feeding a growing family. However I am curious if your newest book has any recipes for fresh placenta. It's God's gift to new mothers, which you won't know anything about yet but by God's grace you may one day. Anyway, I'll be on the look out for some new ideas in the next few months.

      Dearest Mary, my lovely friend:


      Have you any more children since we last spoke, dear? I know how much you love raising and educating those darling little ones. I hope the middle child has gotten over wearing his sister's dresses - how did you ever stop that? That was you, wasn't it? I could be thinking of someone else. (My sister, perhaps - she also found her male first grader playing with Barbies with a neighbor girl)


      I do indeed have three or four recipes using the placenta and have included some do's and don'ts about storing this nutritious ingredient for future use (NEVER use wax paper since it will bruise the vitamins). How many books shall I put you down for, darling?


      I would write more but I am due at one of the major Dallas TV studios where I am in talks for a new program called "Naomi Cooks for Jesus and His Family." It's a cooking show aimed strictly at Christians. Texas is full of them, you know.


      Sending all kinds of hugs and kisses to you, my dearest darling friend,
      NRL
      1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
      Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
      Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
      Locations in 50 States and Canada
      !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
      Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
      Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

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