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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Jesus Locks Drunk in False Church Overnight -
01-22-2007, 06:17 AM
For further evidence of the moral bankruptcy of those who worship the Queen of England, THIS fits the bill nicely. Jesus works around the clock.
Quote:
Drunk is saved by the bell
A DRUNKEN worshipper was saved by the bell after he fell asleep and got trapped inside a church for more than an hour.
When the man awoke he found the doors locked and had no option but to start ringing the church bell to summon help.
With the prospect of being stuck inside overnight, and worried about rumoured ghosts, he started ringing out the morse code for SOS.
As dusk began to fall, at about 4.30pm on Monday, he was still ringing for his life with no help on the way.
Eventually, a resident living near St Faith's Church in West Street, Havant, realised something was wrong.
He spotted two Police Community Support Officers and they sprung into action.
They could hear the man inside but all the doors were locked.
'When we found him inside he told us he went into the church to have a sit down but fell asleep.He told the police he had been drinking which may have made him a bit dozy. He looked quite embarrassed about the whole incident when we found him. Maybe after this he might consider taking up bell ringing as a hobby.'
'They normally only sound after a wedding or during bell ringing practice.
'The sound was like SOS morse code. It was all quite funny really, but it teaches him a lesson not to be drunk in a church. When he came out I heard him say "I didn't want to be in there all night, there are ghosts in the church".'
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Let me assure everyone in our congregation that this could NEVER happen in our Church. Brother BJ and the boys in security take good care of us. 
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Jesus Locks Drunk in False Church Overnight -
01-23-2007, 06:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
For further evidence of the moral bankruptcy of those who worship the Queen of England, THIS fits the bill nicely. Jesus works around the clock.
Let me assure everyone in our congregation that this could NEVER happen in our Church. Brother BJ and the boys in security take good care of us. |
He was probably the Bishop of Southwark.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Apostle of the North
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Posts: 11,905
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: On a mission to bring Christianity to the North
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Re: Jesus Locks Drunk in False Church Overnight -
01-23-2007, 09:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
He was probably the Bishop of Southwark.
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It's what he does.
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