At my medical clinic, I often have to field questions about HIV and AIDS since Oregon (and Portland, particularly) are liberal, sin-filled places that are the perfect breeding ground for diseases brought on by turning one's back on the Lord. While there are many on the far left that try to spread lies about this strictly homosexual disease (even going so far as to say that even a True Christian™ might acquire it), I do my best to counsel boys as young as 7 that they must never use a public restroom unless father is with them, they must not accept candy from strangers, nor ever get into a vehicle with someone they do not know.
When I suspect that a patient is a homosexual, I always hand them my favorite tract, "Sissies go to Hell," and I secretly pray for them while their back is turned. The law prevents me from refusing to see them but I always wear full HAZMAT gear during the examination. Can you believe that this letter appeared in the Oregonian a few years ago:
To the editor:
I am appalled that Dr. Mansfield Mansfield is allowed to practice bigotry in this country. Dr. Mansfield, a physician in Portland, insulted my gay son during a recent physical examination by asking questions like
- How many people have you infected?
- Is there a particular public restroom where you recruit young boys?
- What bus stations do you frequent?
- Have you ever tried to pray away your sins of sodomy?
This is appalling! I implore all Oregonians to fight to see his license revoked. Homosexuals are loving, kind people that deserve our understanding, our friendship, and equality in all things. Dr. Mansfield represents all that is Republican and Conservative Christian in this world. As a lifelong Democrat, I will always be pro-gay, and in so doing, I will always be pro-my-son!
These things have not prevented me from doing what GOD would have me to do, praise His Name, but it is evidence that people simply do not care about HIV/AIDS nor how their acceptance of gays and lebanese will create another epidemic similar to that of the 1980's. May God have mercy on the United States.
Doc