Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!) |
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:02 AM
I find it strange that at a christian forum I have learned about things more disgusting than I would have imagined ever existed!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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God Squad
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:09 AM
Disgusting? You dare call a miracle, a living example of God's will disgusting? 50 warning points for you!
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 09:49 AM
I'd like to see you still calling it a miracle if it crawled up your own urethra, Eliot.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 09:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I'd like to see you still calling it a miracle if it crawled up your own urethra, Eliot.
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GODLY men are not subject to things like that because we wear Speedos until we are at least eighty, and certainly EVERY time we go for a bathe in the Amazon river!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 10:07 AM
That's as may be, Pastor, but I've heard tell that there's room to spare in True Christian™ speedos when they put them on. Giving such a fish ample opportunity to...well.....you know...
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 01:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield
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So Pastor didn't enjoy the picture I once posted of what I'd originally thought of as His Finest Creation (no; not oatmeal): Eyelash Mites. Pastor! Please! Do you realize that apparently the things shown here are.... CATFISH?! According to the link Brother Eliot has given: "The candiru, a tiny catfish found in South America, seems to be more feared than the piranha."
CATFISH! What's better down-Home Baptist Food than Fried catfish! Next time you order, you want to think about your 'cat' reanimating itself, flying off your plate, landing in your lap, and trying to wriggle it's way up your cooter or choo-choo AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON THAT GOOD DESSERT YET THEY HAVE ON SPECIAL TODAY AND THEY GIVE YOU AN EXTRA-BIG PORTION IF YOU BRING IN YOUR CHURCH BULLETIN?
IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE? HOW CAN I KEEP MY MIND ON MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WHEN, FOR THE CHRIST'S SAKE, I AM THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO HAVE FOR MY FIRST LUNCH AND OH, GOD NO....NOOOOO!
If a catfish would do this to you, is anything wacky going on maybe with the big CAThead biskits in gray Gravy? Maybe even the fried baloney and mayo sandwitches somehow?!!
CATFISH! JESUS!!!!!!!!!
SUV
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 01:59 PM
Those aren't catfish. The nigras in southern America don't speak American very well, so they can't be trusted. Those are just minnows, or bait as we call it.
Rest assured Sister Sue, Jesus will provide us with catfish to fry. Forever and a day.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 02:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Those aren't catfish. The nigras in southern America don't speak American very well, so they can't be trusted. Those are just minnows, or bait as we call it.
Rest assured Sister Sue, Jesus will provide us with catfish to fry. Forever and a day.
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Oh, GLOWRY, Brother Zeke! Now I don't have to wonder what I could possibly do with all those tubs of tatar sauce stashed around.
SUV
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 03:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Whaaaat? These precious angels have fleas?
Say it ain't so!
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I can't say whether or not that thing has fleas, but it deserves to be shot either way. Look at that teddy bear behind it. It is wearing a known symbol of criminals and dissidents. Study this picture carefully:
According to WiccanPaedo, always a reliable source of information on all things satanic, "The Circle-A is a symbol of Anarchism, while the Circle-E is a symbol of Egalitarianism, or Equality." The owners of that cat are obviously filthy hippies, which sort of settles the question about whether it has fleas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Von Hellbound
I find it strange that at a christian forum I have learned about things more disgusting than I would have imagined ever existed!
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If you think this place is disgusting, just wait till you get to Hell!
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 06:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Rest assured Sister Sue, Jesus will provide us with catfish to fry. Forever and a day.
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We can fry 'em, but we can't EAT them. Catfish have no scales.
Leviticus 11:10
And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 06:54 PM
Pastor, isn't this all the more reason to Eat them? Because they are an Abomination?!
See, Levi didn't say not to eat them - just that they are an "abomination." Still, they...just might!...be very Tasty, and the quicker we eat them up, the less folks will have to look at them!!!
We can think of it as doing a Public Service unto others.
'Cats in Cream,
SUV
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
We can fry 'em, but we can't EAT them. Catfish have no scales.
Leviticus 11:10
And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Pastor, isn't this all the more reason to Eat them? Because they are an Abomination?!
See, Levi didn't say not to eat them - just that they are an "abomination." Still, they...just might!...be very Tasty, and the quicker we eat them up, the less folks will have to look at them!!!
We can think of it as doing a Public Service unto others.
'Cats in Cream,
SUV
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Maybe a picture would be better.
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the...t/lv11_10.html
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 69
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:30 PM
So you only eat kosher. Isn't that a bit... Jewish?
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:35 PM
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 69
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:38 PM
Stop it sister SUV! You're making me hungry.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 07:46 PM
Listen, I know a guy like you wouldn't be putting onion in your cole slaw like some Deepraved Sinners do....maybe we can discuss this....
A big old 'cat Fried up in half Oil and half Butter and....Ooh-WEE!!!
SUV
Quote:
Originally Posted by robert12345
Stop it sister SUV! You're making me hungry.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 08:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
A big old 'cat Fried up in half Oil and half Butter and....Ooh-WEE!!!
SUV
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Sister, I'm not sure what that picture is supposed to be. It looks like it's half catfish, half rainbow trout and half coelacanth. Look it over carefully. If you find just ONE SCALE, you can eat it.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 09:10 PM
Thar she Blows, Matey, Yaaaaar! Avast & Ahoy! One small scale to the left of the dorsal fin. (Of course, you have to look very, very closely - you may not wish to waste your time.)
Anyway, I was thinking: When Levi Forbade us to eat fishy stuff without "scales" could it be because he once had a traumatic experience at Sea World with something like this?:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Sister, I'm not sure what that picture is supposed to be. It looks like it's half catfish, half rainbow trout and half coelacanth. Look it over carefully. If you find just ONE SCALE, you can eat it.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 09:29 PM
Dang....Does that mean we can't wear our nifty lobster bibs anymore Sister Sue?
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: skeeters -
10-04-2006, 09:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Dang....Does that mean we can't wear our nifty lobster bibs anymore Sister Sue?
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WHOA THERE! LOBSTERS, SHRIMP,CRAB, ANY MARINE BIVALVE (CLAMS, OYSTERS) ARE ABSOLUTELY OFF THE MENU!
So is TUNA, whale, dolphin and marlin, shark, skates, rays, octopus, calamari, eel and fugu which don't have scales either. MILLIONS of japs die each year from eating fugu which they KNOW is poisonous but they eat it anyway and GOD smites them!
You MAY eat salmon, sea snake, turtle, spotted owl, flying fish, mullet, carp and other sea creatures like seals, otter, polar bear, capybara, alligator, some species of water-pygmy and etc.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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