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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

View Poll Results: Should I bash them with rocks or drown them slowly?
Bash their skulls! 46 24.60%
Drown them slowly! 99 52.94%
Other - Please explain 42 22.46%
Voters: 187. You may not vote on this poll

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Default How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 12:34 AM

I got a litter of kittens for my children a few months ago. They were awesome and brought my little girls much joy, such is the Grace of God. However, they have recently started becoming willful and mischievous. One of the even scratched one of my sons and pushed my little girl, Anabella, in the face. Not knowing what to do, I of course went to the premiere authority on animal handling: The King James Bible.

I start with the fact that, as we all know, God gave us dominion over all animals on the Earth:

Quote:
Genesis 1:26
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
This means we can do as we see fit to all animals, but it also means we must be stewards to them. Now, I had to find out what God wants me to do to Tinkebell, Snowball, and the rest of the "pretty kitties" as my girls call them.

I found answers in Exodus:

Quote:
Stone Animals Who Attack People
Exodus 21:28
If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be quit.

Stone Animals Who Push People
Exodus 21:32
If the ox shall push a manservant or a maidservant; he shall give unto their master thirty shekels of silver, and the ox shall be stoned.
So it is clear... If any animal I own attacks or even "pushes" someone else, I MUST kill it. Also of note is that I am at risk of being stoned to death if Mr. Tibbles were to get out of the house and "push" a neighbor:

Quote:
Stone Owners Of Animals Who Attack People
Exodus 21:29
But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past, and it hath been testified to his owner, and he hath not kept him in, but that he hath killed a man or a woman; the ox shall be stoned, and his owner also shall be put to death.
I hope you can see that this make it a very urgent matter for me.

So it seems that Sweet Baby Jesus wants me to take Mrs. Puss-N-Boots and the rest of the "cuddly crew" and bash their skulls in with rocks. But then I saw the following:

Quote:
Genesis 6:5-7

5And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

6And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

7And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
This is, of course, God's decision that he needed to wipe out all humans and animals with his great flood. A cat that was in teh flood could have lived for week, adrift on floatsom, before slowly drowning. God has clearly given me two ways to deal with disobedience animals.

So it leaves me with a dilemma: do I bash the kittens to death or drown them slowly in the tub? Which shows more love for God?



Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 02:26 AM

It doesn't really matter. I've hear Deaner likes to use them for target practice. He ties them up in trees.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 09:24 AM

There are a lot of ferral cats around my farm, the best way to dispose of them is to trap them and use them as live bait in a hunt.


Matthew 10:34
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 10:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liam the ex-drunk View Post
There are a lot of ferral cats around my farm, the best way to dispose of them is to trap them and use them as live bait in a hunt.
I'm with you, Liam. Their death should provide a net benefit for your family. As such, I provide families in my neighborhood with an easy way to dispose of unwanted kittens. They are free to toss them over my fence at any time. The kittens then get to play with my 8 guard Huskies, though admittedly the romping is over fairly quickly. Takes care of the neighbors problem and saves us on dog food.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 11:01 AM

Well, The Bible does say to stone them. Just grab a few stones and hit their heads against it until they're dead.

Simple as pie.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 11:45 AM

It's well known that a cat is nothing more than a Demon spirit taking on the form of an animal.
A cat has no place in a Christian household and should be stoned immediately, as should the owner of the demon.

Leviticus 27: A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Unless of course you choose to go to Sister Petal who will willingly Baptize the Kitties.

Whichever way, the cat dies.

Such is the Love of Jesus.



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 11:56 AM

In these situations I sit back and ask the question 'what would Jesus do?'
I believe that Jesus would drown them.

Tinkerbell and Snowball could be demon possessed if they have attacked your children. I think that Jesus's preferred method of animal execution was drowning.

Mark 5:11 Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. 12And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.
13And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, they were about two thousand and were choked in the sea.



This may have been due to practicalities though. There were 2,000 pigs that needed killing and it would have taken ages for gentle Jesus to have individually smashed their skulls in with a rock.


YIC


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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 09-16-2011, 07:22 PM

Since you have more than one you could try it both ways and see which works better, both spiritually and logistically, for you.

YiC,

Zech
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 05-03-2013, 08:06 PM

WTF is WRONG with you supposed bible thumping lunatics? I'd love to smash YOUR skulls in, drowns you slowly & then *** potty language *** in your mouths until you piffleing vomit you vile pigs. You don't deserve life, ANY of you *** potty language *** rags. piffleING DIE YOU DISGUSTING WORTHLESS GARBAGE. I hope you're all *** potty language *** raped by the funeral homes when you die. piffle ALL OF YOU AND piffle YOUR piffleING WORTHLESS PIECE OF *** potty language *** "god". Good piffleing day *** potty language ***.

Last edited by Zechariah Smyth; 05-03-2013 at 08:11 PM. Reason: Potty language removed.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 05-03-2013, 08:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kissmyazzbeyotch View Post
WTF is WRONG with you supposed bible thumping lunatics? I'd love to smash YOUR skulls in, drowns you slowly & then *** potty language *** in your mouths until you piffleing vomit you vile pigs. You don't deserve life, ANY of you *** potty language *** rags. piffleING DIE YOU DISGUSTING WORTHLESS GARBAGE. I hope you're all *** potty language *** raped by the funeral homes when you die. piffle ALL OF YOU AND piffle YOUR piffleING WORTHLESS PIECE OF *** potty language *** "god". Good piffleing day *** potty language ***.
People, please keep this in mind next time someone tells you that Jesus-haters have morals.

YiC,

Zech


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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 05-03-2013, 08:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kissmyazzbeyotch View Post
WTF is WRONG with you supposed bible thumping lunatics? I'd love to smash YOUR skulls in, drowns you slowly & then *** potty language *** in your mouths until you piffleing vomit you vile pigs. You don't deserve life, ANY of you *** potty language *** rags. piffleING DIE YOU DISGUSTING WORTHLESS GARBAGE. I hope you're all *** potty language *** raped by the funeral homes when you die. piffle ALL OF YOU AND piffle YOUR piffleING WORTHLESS PIECE OF *** potty language *** "god". Good piffleing day *** potty language ***.
Friend, what is wrong with you?

You seem to have an irrational anger problem, the kind of thing that Christians don't experience. Maybe you need to calm down, find God and always remember that kittens don't have feelings. It doesn't matter how you kill them, God put them here to serve as tools for mankind.

Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Praise the LORD!!


But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. (2 Chronicles 36:16)

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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 05-03-2013, 11:41 PM

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Originally Posted by kissmyazzbeyotch View Post
WTF is WRONG with you supposed bible thumping lunatics? I'd love to smash YOUR skulls in, drowns you slowly & then *** potty language *** in your mouths until you piffleing vomit you vile pigs. You don't deserve life, ANY of you *** potty language *** rags. piffleING DIE YOU DISGUSTING WORTHLESS GARBAGE. I hope you're all *** potty language *** raped by the funeral homes when you die. piffle ALL OF YOU AND piffle YOUR piffleING WORTHLESS PIECE OF *** potty language *** "god". Good piffleing day *** potty language ***.
Death threat reported. Expect the FBI to be knocking on your door soon for your terrorist threat against a friendly Christian forum.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-05-2013, 05:10 AM

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Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
I got a litter of kittens for my children a few months ago. They were awesome and brought my little girls much joy, such is the Grace of God. However, they have recently started becoming willful and mischievous. One of the even scratched one of my sons and pushed my little girl, Anabella, in the face. Not knowing what to do, I of course went to the premiere authority on animal handling: The King James Bible.

I start with the fact that, as we all know, God gave us dominion over all animals on the Earth:

This means we can do as we see fit to all animals, but it also means we must be stewards to them. Now, I had to find out what God wants me to do to Tinkebell, Snowball, and the rest of the "pretty kitties" as my girls call them.

I found answers in Exodus:

So it is clear... If any animal I own attacks or even "pushes" someone else, I MUST kill it. Also of note is that I am at risk of being stoned to death if Mr. Tibbles were to get out of the house and "push" a neighbor:

I hope you can see that this make it a very urgent matter for me.

So it seems that Sweet Baby Jesus wants me to take Mrs. Puss-N-Boots and the rest of the "cuddly crew" and bash their skulls in with rocks. But then I saw the following:

This is, of course, God's decision that he needed to wipe out all humans and animals with his great flood. A cat that was in teh flood could have lived for week, adrift on floatsom, before slowly drowning. God has clearly given me two ways to deal with disobedience animals.

So it leaves me with a dilemma: do I bash the kittens to death or drown them slowly in the tub? Which shows more love for God?

Yes, let's kill the creations of God, shall we?
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-05-2013, 05:18 AM

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Originally Posted by Derpington View Post
Yes, let's kill the creations of God, shall we?
Not everything God made is good. If you would read the Bible, you'd know that.

(Isaiah 45:7) "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things."

YiC,

Zech


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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-05-2013, 10:27 AM

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Originally Posted by Derpington View Post
Yes, let's kill the creations of God, shall we?
Yes! Didn't you know that God created animals just so that we humans should have something to eat, wear and have fun with? Animals are dumb creatures that does not feel or think, they are only here to please us.

Genesis 1:26
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

Animals are ours to eat, wear, experiment on and use for entertainment.

Humans are not animals. Infact we are the masters of the animals. God has given us dominion over them, so we are kind of like God over the animals, and just like God has the right to do whatever He wants to us humans, we have the right to do whatever we want with animals.

Real men treats animals like dirt, as God intended.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-05-2013, 11:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derpington View Post
Yes, let's kill the creations of God, shall we?
I don't get it: Jesus kills His creations everyday by the thousands

What point are you trying to make?

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-06-2013, 03:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derpington View Post
Yes, let's kill the creations of God, shall we?
God created scorpions, spiders, cobras and killer bees. Where does it say that we shouldn't kill dumb animals and bugs in the Holy Bible?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-30-2013, 01:55 AM

Are you people real or a parody on Christianity. Charles Haddon Spurgeon spoke a great word on animal cruelty, titled, " A Word for Brutes Against Brutes". It is a must read given the pathetic lack of attention to this topic by modern day preachers.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-30-2013, 03:40 AM

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Originally Posted by BanCruelty View Post
Are you people real or a parody on Christianity. Charles Haddon Spurgeon spoke a great word on animal cruelty, titled, " A Word for Brutes Against Brutes". It is a must read given the pathetic lack of attention to this topic by modern day preachers.
Yes we are real, do i look fake to you?

There is no such thing as animal cruelty, you can't be cruel to something that does not think or feel.
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Default Re: How Should I Kill My Kittens: Drowning Or Smash Their Heads In? - 06-30-2013, 04:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BanCruelty View Post
Are you people real or a parody on Christianity. Charles Haddon Spurgeon spoke a great word on animal cruelty, titled, " A Word for Brutes Against Brutes". It is a must read given the pathetic lack of attention to this topic by modern day preachers.
So, if there's such a thing as "animal cruelty," doesn't that mean there must be "animal compliments" and "animal opinions" and a whole range of "animal emotions?"

Haven't you ever heard the expression "dumb animal?"



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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