Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you). |
|
Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 08:33 PM
Some ways to spot a dyke...
Plays sports.
Knows her way around a car.
Cares for anything other than how pretty it is when buying a car.
Has run for office as a demoncrat.
Watches sports.
Can't be bothered to cook or bake.
Has a job that puts her in charge of men.
Expects to be paid the same as men.
Wants special rights.
Burns her bra.
Wears flannel outside of a sensible nightgown.
Is a member of the military.
Has short hair.
Wears trousers/blue jeans.
Listens to Helen Reddy.
Watches the news.
Reads a newspaper.
|
|
Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 09:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
Some ways to spot a dyke...
Has a job...
|
Surely you could've just left it there?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
|
|
Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,369
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 10:59 PM
Male / Female
*Whines incessantly about the "loss of life" in Iraq.
*Thinks that the sexes are equal
*Listens to the Beatles
*Thinks that Jesus' Message was all Love
*Owns more than 2 combs
*Owns more cats than dogs
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-09-2007, 11:54 PM
Male or Female
* Doesn't own a gun.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 12:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Appelfap.
Good that I'm not Dutch then
|
Belgian, Dutch, whatever...
|
|
CASTLES DON'T HAVE PHONES
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 212
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Transsexual, Transylvania
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 03:00 AM
Good lord! (sigh) ...ok let me join in just for some...FUNnnn TC's......
Wears tight, colorful corsets
Wears fish net stockings
Wears high heels
Wears a plum in their hair
Wears makeup (men)
Wears earrings on occasion
Wears fur or feathers about the neck
Loves music
Loves doing the TIME WARP
Likes the saying, "Stay sane inside insanity".
Likes tap dancing
Likes Brad and Janet...damnit!
Thinks Rocky is great and Riff Raff ain't too bad either!
Had enough of this preposterousness, loves?
"I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania."
"Don't dream it...BE IT!"
|
|
On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 03:04 AM
In my truck stop ministry, I've noticed that a lot of the homers I've encountered and witnessed to are masculine truck drivers with beer bellies and beards.
So, I think we need to add that to the list:
Is a truck driver
Drinks beer, especially all different sorts (not just Bud or Miller)
Has a beard
Also:
Eats Snickers bars (like in that commercial)
Watches the Super Bowl (men in tight drawers)
Thinks TwinkBoy is "amusing"
Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-10-2007 at 03:06 AM.
|
|
Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 06:01 PM
Thinks the "Church" of England is a real "Church".
Makes endless tedious posts with VARIOUS random words capitalised for no GOOD reason, featuring immensely irritating overuse of the word "loves", Rocky Horror references that would've been boring twenty years ago, and... oh, I can't go on.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 09:13 PM
Wears "fat guy" hats
|
|
Former Demoncrat, moving towards the Light.
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 146
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bringing salvation to Canada
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-10-2007, 09:29 PM
Doesn't eat enough meat or eats excessive amounts of vegetables.
Lack of interest in sports.
Talented in art, music, etc...
Whines about sissy things like poverty, inequality, etc...
Bush/Halliburton '08-Rapture!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 261
Join Date: Jan 2007
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 07:37 AM
Don't bias.
|
|
Apostle of the North
|
|
Posts: 11,902
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: On a mission to bring Christianity to the North
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 08:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverickxeo
Don't bias.
|
One more tell-tale sign: Spams our Christian board with his/her one-liners that no enlightened person gives a rodent's posterior about.
1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 261
Join Date: Jan 2007
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 08:46 AM
I figure I can show you folks what I think, considering you think you are correct with NO proof but a book that has been translated hundreds of times from the original.
|
|
On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 04:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverickxeo
I figure I can show you folks what I think, considering you think you are correct with NO proof but a book that has been translated hundreds of times from the original.
|
This is a thread about identifying Homers.
If you'd care to introduce yourself in the General Church Fellowship area's Introduction Forum subforum, and share your beliefs about the Bible there, that'd be perfectly appropriate. Here, it's just derailing an important thread.
Now, if you'd care to stay on topic and tell us how you identify Homers in your town (in Belgium, I'm guessing), please feel free.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 261
Join Date: Jan 2007
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 06:33 PM
You can't identified a homosexual by biasing. I bet you deal with homosexuals and you would never know since you are jut biasing.
|
|
Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 09:35 PM
Has anyone mentioned having an unhealthy (read: ANY) interest in Harry Potter yet?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 261
Join Date: Jan 2007
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-13-2007, 10:28 PM
I personally hate the books, not for the witchcraft-ism, but for the plot. I dislike the whole premise.
I have watched the movies, or the first two, anyway. In no way does it condemn any religion, nor does it instruct people on how to perform witchcraft.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 112
Join Date: Feb 2007
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-22-2007, 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer Christianson
Drive foreign cars
Can't shoot straight
Don't know how to dress out a deer
Don't know how to change oil
Drink funny coffee (skinny flat what?)
Smell too purdy!
Can't keep their eyes above a man's belt buckle.
Sing Madonna songs (this makes me ill)
|
I totally agree. Here in West Virginia, if you can't shoot straight you'd better be afraid of the people that can. I've dressed out a deer more than once and I'm only 16. Changing the oil is customary. I've done it since I was six. Coffee should only come black. My uncle drinks "funny" coffee. My dad calls it perfume. A man should never smell "pretty". That is a sure sign of homerism. Anything below a man's belt buckle should only be viewed by a man's wife at his discretion. As for Madonna songs, do I even need to explain?
Yours in Christ,
Brother Daniel
|
|
Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-23-2007, 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
Some ways to spot a dyke...
Plays sports.
Knows her way around a car.
Cares for anything other than how pretty it is when buying a car.
Has run for office as a demoncrat.
Watches sports.
Can't be bothered to cook or bake.
Has a job that puts her in charge of men.
Expects to be paid the same as men.
Wants special rights.
Burns her bra.
Wears flannel outside of a sensible nightgown.
Is a member of the military.
Has short hair.
Wears trousers/blue jeans.
Listens to Helen Reddy.
Watches the news.
Reads a newspaper.
|
Those are excellent signs to watch out for, Sister MM, but you missed the one surefire tip-off of dykism (actually, let me add a parenthetical comment here and note that any woman who would use the word surefire would certainly be altering us to her dude looks like a lady tendencies, or something like that, it's all so unnatural and hirsute I get confused) but I digress ... Feathery feminine voices. Train up your girls to flutter their speech the way they flip their Bible pages, helplessly unable to locate their Psalms from their Chronicles, which is to say, in need of a man. And we appreciate it -- Spiritual ineptitude among females is always a beguiling excuse for a man to step up to the plate and volunteer as the Leader of the Thursday Night Ladies Bible Study. So, the girl who refuses to tickle your earlobe with her feathery feminine voice, that's the gay one.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
|
|
Unsaved Canuck Who Longs to be Saved© CAUTION: Poster is Bi-Lingually curious
|
|
Posts: 1,366
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In a house made of watermelons, in Canada
|
|
Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers -
02-23-2007, 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy
"Stay sane inside insanity"
|
¤Has an obsession with displaying her/his nipples.
¤The accomplishment of which he is the most proud is making a man (with blonde hair and a tan), whom he uses to relieve his "tension".
¤Walks around in a strange laboratory (inside a strange and conveniently placed castle) in front of strange people in his "tighty whities".
¤Mistakes a man for his fiancée.
¤During a song, asks his Mommy for help.
¤Wears rose-tinted glasses.
¤During a sleep-over, while gossipping and giggling and painting each other's toenails, she grabs a hair drier and points it down the other girl's shirt after grabbing her friend's chest. (Woman)
¤Greets his guests while wearing an Anastasia costume.
¤His name is a woman's name, like Carmen.
¤Is a Broadway director.
¤Lives with several obviously gay men and one painfully stereotypical lesbian.
¤His favourite piece of advice is "Keep it gay!"
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|