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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 03-29-2015, 02:42 PM

It was last Sunday, I was on my hammock doing dang all, when I get a call from Ma. She said, "Jim boy, it's the darnest thing. I can see Jesus from my backyard!"

Now, I know Ma tends have a crazy imagination, but I drove over anyway and did a reconnaissance of the premises. Sure enough, no sign of the Lord anywhere.

Now, it's not impossible. He could have came and gone in snap. And as dear Senator Sarah Palin could see Alaska from her backyard, I wonder if Ma really did have a Holy vision? Or is it time to send her to the home?
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 03-29-2015, 03:15 PM

She wasn't talking about her Mexican pool cleaner was she?





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 03-30-2015, 04:22 AM

Maybe she saw the Wandering Joo!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 03-30-2015, 08:54 AM

I always believed that all Jesus sightings were genuine.

Have you noticed that only religious people have these experiences? That's all the proof I need to know its true.
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 04-05-2015, 02:01 AM

I would take the claim more seriously if your father had made it. Women are all off their nut, and even their most innocuous statements should be given no credence.
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 04-05-2015, 08:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holy Henry View Post
I always believed that all Jesus sightings were genuine.

Have you noticed that only religious people have these experiences? That's all the proof I need to know its true.

I've noticed that. Maybe because religion is a delusion, and only delusional people see real characters?


Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 04-05-2015, 09:25 PM

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Originally Posted by DemonThinker96 View Post
I've noticed that. Maybe because religion is a delusion, and only delusional people see real characters?
Shouldn't you be off somewhere sacrificing cats to the easter bunny, heathen?

Leave us to worship the Risen Lamb™, unmolested!
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Default Re: Senile or a miracle? Ma saw Jesus from her backyard - 04-05-2015, 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
I would take the claim more seriously if your father had made it. Women are all off their nut, and even their most innocuous statements should be given no credence.
Yes her husband should examine whats in those cleaner solutions. Long exposures to the can give people hallucinations. Its best to take frequent breaks from them and go read the bible or other household chores that don't involve cleaner solutions.
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