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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-14-2015, 10:18 AM

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigra?


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-14-2015, 09:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigra?
??? I don´t understand the joke. My colleague from the Nederlandse Antillen has a smoker and sometimes he will put a large plate of really nice slowly smoked ribs for all to take and enjoy. And this guy is quite dark, and not from the smoke.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-15-2015, 10:10 AM

What's the difference between acne and a priest?












Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-15-2015, 10:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The atheist bastard View Post
What's the difference between acne and a priest?












Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face!
I don't get it.


Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-03-2015, 09:29 PM

A Pastor I know from Alabama sent me this hilarious photo. I had to look up what a "Jenga" was, and then I chortled.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-06-2016, 06:28 PM

The local Baptist church realised that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a Pastor made an appointment to see the lawyer in his lavish office.

The pastor opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a cent to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the church?"

The lawyer thought for a moment and said, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the pastor mumbled, "Uh... No, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken volunteer began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.

"Thirdly, "the lawyer said, "did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and the burden of supporting three
children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of
private tutors?"

Completely beaten, the humiliated pastor said, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

And then the lawyer said, "So, if I don't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ___

The moral here is not to try to get money out of lawyers, keep squeezing the stone and sell the blood.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-29-2016, 11:54 PM

A Jew goes to the synagogue and prays. “Lord, O Lord! Things are bad, my wife is ill and the drugs costs so much; I owe money to the city, and my business needs money to survive. I have been a good Jew and asked nothing of you before, this time, O Lord, let me win the lottery.”

He goes home, but nothing happens. The next Saturday, the old Jew is there again and falls to his knees: ““Lord, O Lord! Please help me!... Please! I have no money, my wife is worse; my creditors are threatening me with bankruptcy. Some guys from the city came round – I have very little time to pay them. And now the heating has broken down… A win on the lottery is all I ask.”

He goes home, but nothing happens. The next Saturday, the old Jew is back at the synagogue. This time he prostrates himself on the floor, his eyes running with tears: “Lord, O Lord! Please help me!... Please! I am begging you. Only you can help. There are only a few days left. My business will be gone, my wife will die, I will be alone in the world.” His words start to fail as emotion takes over, “Hear me, Lord… not for me… for my wife of 45 years… let me win the lottery…”

At this, there is the sound of a wind in the synagogue, it becomes louder and louder and a white light starts to fill the building. The old Jew, still staring at the carpet, raises his eyes – the light is blinding, the wind is deafening and then suddenly the wind stops and, in the silence and from above, a deep and sonorous voice speaks.

“Abe. Abe, my child, I hear you, I hear you. Meet Me halfway… buy a ticket.”





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-30-2016, 03:46 AM

Ooh, I know a good one!

What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boys thirteen to come on his face.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-30-2016, 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by gerardwaystabme View Post
Ooh, I know a good one!

What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boys thirteen to come on his face.
I still don't get it.


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Jesus' eternal love Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-30-2016, 04:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by gerardwaystabme View Post
Ooh, I know a good one!

What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boys thirteen to come on his face.
Dear Sinner,

I've seen many lecherous things in my youth and I do understand the fornicatory nature of this joke. I was initially hopeless regarding your position in the axis of hell-Salvation but now I can see a glimmer of healthy doctrine in your not-yet-totally-black Soul.

We agree. Catholic priests are a repulsive swarm of abusers. We have a whole sub-Forum dedicated to exposing their vile practices to the World. I am so happy that you share this view. You have now the privilege of being in my Prayer List.

Ephesians 1:18
The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-30-2016, 12:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoryOS View Post
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boys thirteen to come on his face.


I still don't get it.
That's probably because the joke doesn't really fall into the category Good, Clean Christian Jokes.

OTOH we can't expect abusive priests to come clean.


Holbein

1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-30-2016, 03:56 PM



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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-14-2016, 09:06 PM

So a Muslim walks into a gay bar

The bartender asks "what will you have?"

The Muslim replies "50 shots please"
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-14-2016, 10:09 PM

I have a joke











Atheists
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-14-2016, 11:38 PM

In fact, atheists are a rather serious matter.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-04-2016, 03:18 PM

Why couldn't the gay man cross the street?
He couldn't go straight!
(However he will go straight to hell if he doesn't repent!)
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-05-2016, 02:57 PM

What's the similarity between Santa and Jesus? Only children believe they're real


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-05-2016, 03:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Tucan View Post
What's the similarity between Santa and Jesus? Only children believe they're real

Greetings Mr. Billy Tucan. I am also a Black man and I have found many friends on this forum. I think the white people who own this forum are as thirsty for diversity as it seems everyone in Babylon is. I believe they will be happy to see another Black man among them but I fear they will rebuke you for being a liar and let me be the first to rebuke you. Your profile says you are a pastor and you do not believe in Jesus. This is difficult to reconcile.

In my own country which is Jamaica almost everyone is Black. There are people who lie but not many. In Babylon the Black man has the reputation of being a lazy scheming liar and a stealer of pies. As a Black man I find it offensive to see another Black man who steals or lies because I believe it delays the time that the Black man will again rule the world as Jah intended. If you are honest with these Baptists they will embrace you as they have me.

Jah Guide
Trevor


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-06-2016, 09:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Tucan View Post
What's the similarity between Santa and Jesus? Only children believe they're real
Hello Billy,
I believe you're on the wrong forum. Please go to the introduction forum and introduce yourself like any decent person would do. Also, stop mocking Jesus!


God is about as real as unicorns and dragons.
Revelation 12:9
Job 39:9
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-16-2016, 04:57 PM

And this is why a lot of Christians don't like atheists. Coming on a Christian forum and ridiculing our faith just makes you sound like a troll. Some of these militant atheists are just as bad as the militant Christians. Okay I'll step off the soapbox now.
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