[Ahimaaz Smith]

I had heard that Sister MM had had a bit of a tiff with Brother Temperance, and was worried that she might have gone looking for him to settle it in person. So, I'm actually relieved to hear that Sister Mary Maria was abducted by Catholics. Catholics are demon worshippers, and demon worshippers have no power over True Christians™.

How could I have thought that Sister MM, good Christian that she is, was capable of such a thing? I'm rather ashamed of myself for thinking such an intemperate thought.

[tLakota]

Originally Posted by Talitha

What's with the "you people?" Huh?

You have True Christian™ under your name. You should already know that a little correctional discipline never leave bruises harmed anyone.

You actually live in Landover, right? When Brother Remy and I were talking in the soap thread, he said that if I took up a position as hired help in Landover I wouldn't be harmed for simply not cleaning fast enough. I kinda panicked, sorry I jumped to conclusions.

Originally Posted by JennyD

Indeed! Spare the rod, spoil the slave servant!

I didn't think that hired help equated to servant. A servant takes care of the household duties for food, shelter, and a meager allowance. Hired help takes care of your household or other needs for a fee that you discuss before the services are provided. So when you look at it that way, is beating the hired help biblical? I don't wish to derail the thread, so if you want you can send me a private message instead.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by tLakota

I didn't think that hired help equated to servant. A servant takes care of the household duties for food, shelter, and a meager allowance. Hired help takes care of your household or other needs for a fee that you discuss before the services are provided. So when you look at it that way, is beating the hired help biblical? I don't wish to derail the thread, so if you want you can send me a private message instead.

http://www.dictionary.net/servant

Servant \Serv"ant\, n. [OE. servant, servaunt, F. servant, a & p. pr. of servir to serve, L. servire. See Serve, and cf. Sergeant.]

1. One who serves, or does services, voluntarily or on compulsion; a person who is employed by another for menial offices, or for other labor, and is subject to his command; a person who labors or exerts himself for the benefit of another, his master or employer; a subordinate helper.

This says nothing about payment arrangements.

A servant may be live-in or otherwise.

Meanwhile, Mr. Whitford told me today that he found Leticia quite charming and efficient, and is considering asking her to stay on permanently as his personal "woman servant".

He is still quite worried about Sister M&Ms, and will be contacting Mr. Thyme and Brother B-J to work out the rescue arrangements.

[Justina Thyme]

Mr. Thyme awaits your call. If there is anything I can do, Sister, please let me know.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Brothers and Sisters, you will be encouraged to learn that Landover Baptist Church is not without influence in India. There is a small outpost of Baptism in the north in the shape of The Baptist Church of Tripura. Unfortunately, this means that our influence on a scale required to locate Sister M&M is restricted to the Northeast of that idolatrous country.
I would ask you to ignore, as communist propaganda, that part of the entry that states

The Left-Front Government have accused the Baptist Church of Tripura of supporting this violent campaign of NLFT by providing funding and arms for the group after an incident in April of 2000,when Nagmanlal Halam, secretary of the Noapara Baptist Church in Tripura, was caught with 50 gelatine sticks, 5 kilograms of potassium and 2 kilograms of sulphur and other ingredients for making explosives to the group. Halam later confessed to buying and supplying explosives to the NLFT for the past two years.
In another incident in August 2003, police arrested the secretary of a Baptist Christian Missionary church in North Tripura District who was in possession of five kg of potassium, one kg sulphur, few gelatin sticks and 45 gm of high explosive materials.

The Baptist Church of Tripura will be able to help as it has contacts with a zealous group of Christians, The National Liberation Front of Tripura who, I am assured refute the accusations in which they are accused thus

Recent investigations, as well as confessions from surrendered members, have revealed that the NLFT have been making and selling pornography to finance their activities. This includes DVDs of pornographic films made by the group with tribal men and women kidnapped and forced to participate in sex acts while being filmed. The movies are dubbed into various languages and sold illegally throughout the region for a profit. The women have also been
sexually abused by NLFT members

The truth is that the NLFT is fighting the heathens at their own game and saving Hindoos from their false religion by the expedient of converting them at gun-point.

There are too many violent acts of the NLFT to list but most involve kidnappings, extortion, mass murders, rapes, bombings and forced gunpoint conversions. NLFT seeks to severe all ties to the indigenous culture and religion of the state. Their militants have been known to shut down Hindu and Buddhist orphanages, hospitals, temples and schools as well as a establishing a ban on Hindi movies. In essence, they are the Christian equivalent of the Taliban.

I would usually denounce this method, but (a) Saved Souls are Saved Souls and (b) the fact that there are 1 Billion Hindoos means that time is of the essence.

I have sent my nephew Zebulun, with $100,000 of my own money, to start negotiations with these people and to offer generous “gifts” of aid to officials of influence. If there are any male members or husbands who wish to accompany, please let me know.

I only pray that Zebulun fares better than his last trip out East when he returned from Bangkok penniless and looking exhausted.

[JennyD]

Brothers and Sisters, I have received the most disturbing update from Mr. Whitford.

He tells me that this very evening, he heard a knock at the door, then the screech of tires as a car sped away. He was not able to catch a glimpse of the car . . . as you know, it takes him a while to reach the front of the mansion. (OK, it takes him a while to cross the foyer.)

A package was lying on the front door, wrapped in brown paper and trussed up with string. There was no address.

After listening to see if it ticked, Mr. Whitford brought the heavy package inside and set it on the foyer table. It clanked, which worried him even more . . . Perhaps it was Sister M&M's head! (She told you about the steel plate incident, right?)

With great trepidation, he opened the package, and was horrified to find that it was a twisted hunk of metal . . . That's right, Sister M&M's ornately-wrought silver chastity belt had been cut off and mutilated into a perverse and Satanic sculpture! "Looks just like one of them Mary shrines," Mr. Whitford gasped on the phone as he described the contents.

I asked whether he was all right; he said his chest felt tight, it was hard to breathe, and he had a pain running down his left arm. Naturally, I suggested he have a cup of strong, black coffee, and perhaps get some light exercise to stimulate his circulation . . . and take his mind off that horrible THING.

I do hope he'll be feeling better by the time the Brothers arrive for the Prayer Circle tonight!

Perhaps one of the Brothers bring a deputy to take away that horrible Mary shrine as evidence for the trial of the Martin brothers?

Poor Sister M&M! She's surely being used as a human pincushion by oversexed Negroes by now!!

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

What makes this thread (and section) so hilarious is that even though you deny the saints in Heaven praying for us on earth, you all pray for each other on this forum.

After all, you say the only mediator between God and man is Christ Jesus, right?

[WickedWitch]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

What makes this thread (and section) so hilarious is that even though you deny the saints in Heaven praying for us on earth, you all pray for each other on this forum.

After all, you say the only mediator between God and man is Christ Jesus, right?

If you're trying to distract the people of LBC from doing everything they can to find Sister M&Ms (and that includes prayer, mormon), you ought to be ashamed of yourself! Here we are, in the middle of a crisis, and you're trying to defend your religion, which is very thinly veiled Paganism! Have you no heart? I'm not even Christian, and I worry for the safety of Dear Sister Mary Maria!

P.S.
The good people of Landover don't believe in your Saints, as they are all Pagan Gods. There's nothing wrong with praying to Jesus to ask Him to intercede on someone's behalf, and it's not the same as asking a Saint to pray for someone.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

What makes this thread (and section) so hilarious . . .

You only find it hilarious because the Department of Faith only gets locks on your location after you've already left whatever WiFi hot spot you've stopped at.

Why in the world would you destroy Sister M&M's chastity belt, you sick monster?! That was a wedding present from her loving owner husband, Mr. Whitford!

[Remy Lebeau]

Originally Posted by JennyD

You only find it hilarious because the Department of Faith only gets locks on your location after you've already left whatever WiFi hot spot you've stopped at.

Why in the world would you destroy Sister M&M's chastity belt, you sick monster?! That was a wedding present from her loving owner husband, Mr. Whitford!

Neither of those fudge packing Martin faggots had anything to do with her disappearance. It would be nice if they did take her for at least we'd know that she isn't being sodomized as those Martins don't go for adults, much less women. My own people have informed me that it was an inside job. Someone living in Freehold or possessing a workers permit is responsible. It will only be a matter of time before we narrow down our suspects. Of course, we will be looking into a possible nigra concocted plot first. She had been putting on a few pounds and her large round behind and little waist may have caused one of the help to snap into a negroidial frenzy. Her flat sagging breast which are similar to those in impoverished african nations may also attract wild buck nigra. I'm hoping that is not the case because that would mean she has already been raped, impregnanted with some mulatto bastard, and therefore was never a True Christian to begin with. But more importantly it would mean that Project Remnant Removal was a failure. A very time consuming and expensive failure. However, according to Joseph he saw white men take her.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

What makes this thread (and section) so hilarious is that even though you deny the saints in Heaven praying for us on earth, you all pray for each other on this forum.

After all, you say the only mediator between God and man is Christ Jesus, right?

The Epistle of James, that very same book that you so dearly love to quote out of context, says that we are to pray for one another (James 5:16). We follow the entire Bible, not just the parts that strike the fancy of some transvestite priest of Semiramis.

Also, what's so hilarious about True Christianity™? Now, watching you bob up and down in the lake of fire for all eternity — that will be hilarious.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

I'm back, and not a moment too soon. There is more story to tell, but for now let me assure you that the friend of Sister Jenny's employers who was slipping her drugs (unbeknown to her, let me assure you, and they're still doing tests to figure how just how many different drugs he used). I'd like to thank those of the congregation who played along with her temporary delusions so she could get through these troubled times.
Those of you who aren't from around here wouldn't have been able to pick up on the clues, but I can share some of them with you.
My husband, Mr. Whitford, is not an octogenarian but is instead a healthy, young man of 38.
We live in a gated security protected by the best private security force in the country. There is no way any papists are slipping through their grasp to kidnap me outside of my own homes.
The Martin brothers?!? A boy-diddling dress wearer and a mall security guard! I'd just have to motion going for my gun and they'd soil themselves!
Mr. Whitford can't be bothered with the petty blatherings of the women already in his life, let alone those he has never met. The only women he can tolerate for more than two minutes are Platinum Tithers. When I showed him this thread, he asked me what Sister Jenny has been smoking. I assured him none of it was her fault.
We already have a full household staff. Why would he pray for someone to cook and clean when he's already paying a Nigress and a wetback to do that? Neither of them are named "Leticia" either.

Preliminary tests show hashish, LSD, "magic" mushrooms, ecstasy, marihuana, and crack cocaine amongst many others were all slipped into Sister Jenny's food by that filthy hippy, and he is going to rot in prison for a long time for that foul deed.

But catching this criminal was only a bonus. I will have to check with the DOF to see how much I can share of the past ten days. You just might be surprised.

[tLakota]

OMG!!!! I'm so glad you're okay!!! I know we haven't met personally, but I was praying sooo hard that you'd be okay!!!!! I understand that you can't say much right now, but I hope that those responsible get what they deserve!

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria

I'm back, and not a moment too soon. There is more story to tell, but for now let me assure you that the friend of Sister Jenny's employers who was slipping her drugs (unbeknown to her, let me assure you, and they're still doing tests to figure how just how many different drugs he used). I'd like to thank those of the congregation who played along with her temporary delusions so she could get through these troubled times.
Those of you who aren't from around here wouldn't have been able to pick up on the clues, but I can share some of them with you.
My husband, Mr. Whitford, is not an octogenarian but is instead a healthy, young man of 38.
We live in a gated security protected by the best private security force in the country. There is no way any papists are slipping through their grasp to kidnap me outside of my own homes.
The Martin brothers?!? A boy-diddling dress wearer and a mall security guard! I'd just have to motion going for my gun and they'd soil themselves!
Mr. Whitford can't be bothered with the petty blatherings of the women already in his life, let alone those he has never met. The only women he can tolerate for more than two minutes are Platinum Tithers. When I showed him this thread, he asked me what Sister Jenny has been smoking. I assured him none of it was her fault.
We already have a full household staff. Why would he pray for someone to cook and clean when he's already paying a Nigress and a wetback to do that? Neither of them are named "Leticia" either.

Preliminary tests show hashish, LSD, "magic" mushrooms, ecstasy, marihuana, and crack cocaine amongst many others were all slipped into Sister Jenny's food by that filthy hippy, and he is going to rot in prison for a long time for that foul deed.

But catching this criminal was only a bonus. I will have to check with the DOF to see how much I can share of the past ten days. You just might be surprised.

You're desthpicable!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by tLakota

OMG!!!! I'm so glad you're okay!!! I know we haven't met personally, but I was praying sooo hard that you'd be okay!!!!! I understand that you can't say much right now, but I hope that those responsible get what they deserve!

Don't worry. The work I did should help keep America safe.

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

You're desthpicable!

You're the one who lied about having me in your custody! Just be thankful I didn't ban you for that.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

You're desthpicable!

By the way, we all noticed your lisp...a telltale sign of sodomites the world over.

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

By the way, we all noticed your lisp...a telltale sign of sodomites the world over.

I was quoting a phrase Daffy Duck used to say a lot (with the lisp, yes). C'mon, can't you get a sense of humor from Godly American cartoons?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

I was quoting a phrase Daffy Duck used to say a lot (with the lisp, yes). C'mon, can't you get a sense of humor from Godly American cartoons?

Okay, which story sounds more plausable: A bald police officer who watches cartoons, or a queer papist trying to cover his lisp with a flimsy story about watching cartoons?

Nice try officer nancy.

[JennyD]

Where am I?

All I remember is the hippies' pal Sunflower making me some really tasty herbal tea, then something about poppies. Then I woke up in the attic wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt and pirate pantaloons.

My head hurts.