The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
Unsaved trash, teenaged idiot
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
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Location: in bed with my fag boyfriend
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Hail from the Northmen! -
01-31-2016, 06:10 PM
Hello, my Christian friends. I am a mighty warrior, son of the wolf, brother to the eagle, favored of Thor and Tyr. I would like to learn about your faith, and understand why you choose to follow a god who failed to save his own son.
Failing that, I am willing to take several of you as slaves, along with a man's weight in silver. Those of you who resist will be tossed into the frigid North Sea.
Know that I have brought with me the mighty hammer Hjalfing, a weapon whose fame you know well.
I may also take the head of King Aethelred as punishment for his aggression against my kinsfolk
Sorry if this post seems rambling. I looted a cask of altar wine from the last church I looted, and I'm beginning to get tipsy.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
01-31-2016, 06:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by valhallabound
Hello, my Christian friends. I am a mighty warrior, son of the wolf, brother to the eagle, favored of Thor and Tyr. I would like to learn about your faith, and understand why you choose to follow a god who failed to save his own son.
Failing that, I am willing to take several of you as slaves, along with a man's weight in silver. Those of you who resist will be tossed into the frigid North Sea.
Know that I have brought with me the mighty hammer Hjalfing, a weapon whose fame you know well.
I may also take the head of King Aethelred as punishment for his aggression against my kinsfolk
Sorry if this post seems rambling. I looted a cask of altar wine from the last church I looted, and I'm beginning to get tipsy.
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I think you're 1000 years too late for all that.
Now seriously: what church do you go to, what is your favorite Bible verse, and how did you meet Jesus?
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Unsaved trash, teenaged idiot
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: in bed with my fag boyfriend
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
01-31-2016, 06:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
I think you're 1000 years too late for all that.
Now seriously: what church do you go to, what is your favorite Bible verse, and how did you meet Jesus?
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I visit Uppsala every four years, sacrifice a few priests, y'know. As for my favorite verse, I've always favored this, from Havamal:
Praise day at even, a wife when dead,
a weapon when tried, a maid when married,
ice when 'tis crossed, and ale when 'tis drunk.
As for how I met Jesus, well, I became very drunk one evening and woke up in the great church of Miklagard. There, the priests fed me his flesh and blood - Tasted an awful lot like bread and cheap wine, but I suppose a god can taste however he likes. They told me I was a Christian now, so I decided to visit you fine fellows to see what the holy church would give to succor a poor heathen.
Now that introductions are out of the way, please follow me to my longship.
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
01-31-2016, 06:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by valhallabound
I visit Uppsala every four years, sacrifice a few priests, y'know. As for my favorite verse, I've always favored this, from Havamal:
Praise day at even, a wife when dead,
a weapon when tried, a maid when married,
ice when 'tis crossed, and ale when 'tis drunk.
As for how I met Jesus, well, I became very drunk one evening and woke up in the great church of Miklagard. There, the priests fed me his flesh and blood - Tasted an awful lot like bread and cheap wine, but I suppose a god can taste however he likes. They told me I was a Christian now, so I decided to visit you fine fellows to see what the holy church would give to succor a poor heathen.
Now that introductions are out of the way, please follow me to my longship.
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Havamál? Powerful poetry, a country that had widespread literacy in the 13th century, not only oral tradition but the old poems written down.
Seems glorious. Let us consider this verse:
Deyr fé deyja frændur, deyr sjálfur ið sama en orðstír deyr aldregi, hveim er sér góðan getur.
It is magnificent it its oratory force.
Now let us consider what these 13th century Icelanders got from this eloquent yet alluringly masculine poetry?
Nothing. They had chosen Catholicism in the year 1000. They could have chosen Christianity, they could have chosen Jesus. Instead they chose a tradition (pun intended) that was worse than the Norse demons.
Powerful verses, I agree. But there is something much more powerful!
Psalms 29:4
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.
You have still time (but not much). You can do the right choice!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
01-31-2016, 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by valhallabound
Hello, my Christian friends. I am a mighty warrior, son of the wolf, brother to the eagle, favored of Thor and Tyr. I would like to learn about your faith, and understand why you choose to follow a god who failed to save his own son.
Failing that, I am willing to take several of you as slaves, along with a man's weight in silver. Those of you who resist will be tossed into the frigid North Sea.
Know that I have brought with me the mighty hammer Hjalfing, a weapon whose fame you know well.
I may also take the head of King Aethelred as punishment for his aggression against my kinsfolk
Sorry if this post seems rambling. I looted a cask of altar wine from the last church I looted, and I'm beginning to get tipsy.
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You do know that this is a Christian forum and not some RPG network where people adopt stupid imagined personas, don't you.
Go back to 4Chan.
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Unsaved trash, teenaged idiot
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: in bed with my fag boyfriend
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
02-01-2016, 11:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White
Havamál? Powerful poetry, a country that had widespread literacy in the 13th century, not only oral tradition but the old poems written down.
Seems glorious. Let us consider this verse:
Deyr fé deyja frændur, deyr sjálfur ið sama en orðstír deyr aldregi, hveim er sér góðan getur.
It is magnificent it its oratory force.
Now let us consider what these 13th century Icelanders got from this eloquent yet alluringly masculine poetry?
Nothing. They had chosen Catholicism in the year 1000. They could have chosen Christianity, they could have chosen Jesus. Instead they chose a tradition (pun intended) that was worse than the Norse demons.
Powerful verses, I agree. But there is something much more powerful!
Psalms 29:4
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.
You have still time (but not much). You can do the right choice!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
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You are wise, for you speak the truth about the agents of the pope. But in other ways, you are not so wise, for you persecute wise old women, and leave no offerings to the mischievous house-elves.
We are not so different, you and I. Your angels and saints are the same as our gods. We too believe in the end of the world, the giants of ice, and the place known as Hel. Perhaps, someday, our gods can learn to get along, and there will be peace between our kinds.
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Hail from the Northmen! -
02-01-2016, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by valhallabound
Perhaps, someday, our gods can learn to get along, and there will be peace between our kinds.
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Or, maybe not.
The One God is a jealous God and will have no truck with pretenders.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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