Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > The introduction forum
Reload this Page I knew you would want me here.
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#21)
Old
Mary Etheldreda's Avatar
Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
Gushing for Jesus
 

Protected by JESUS Christian Love Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Cleanest Kitchen Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Persecuted Pro-Life Most Obedient Friend of Jesus True Christian Homemaker True Christian Beauty 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College True Republican Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Quiverful Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Super Soaker Baptism Award 3rd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Christian Lady Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Tomato Staker Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Hatchet Child Rearing Award 4th Year Bible College Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion Babysitter Stamp of Approval Home Schooled Trump of GOD Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch The Lord’s Witness Wound The Lord’s Witness Wound Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mama Grizzly Platinum Tither Best stoning bucket 2015 Witch Hunt Award Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory Crown of Rejoicing Saved 5 Years BFF of Jesus Gunfest '14 Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts 20,000 posts Crown of Righteousness Flat Earth Anti-abortion GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden Public Awareness Medal

 
Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I knew you would want me here. - 01-12-2017, 11:13 PM

Indeed, Sister. Why, I still recall the look one of my youngsters gave me when we first read the story of Jephthah’s Daughter. Oh the look of sheer terror and incredulity on his innocent, trusting little face! To imagine the father would actually honor his vow made in haste and desperation and sacrifice his beloved child after a victory that could have easily have been attributed to greater skill rather than petition to the LORD to spare his innocent daughter! The buggy eyes filled rapidly with tears, and he quickly bolted away and ran to a dark corner where he cried and cried! That, dear Snake Eye, was an example of being shocked! No, you cannot shock us. True Christians™ are curators of the Truth™ and connoisseurs of God's Word. You'll have to do much more to shock us.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

Reply With Quote
(#22)
Old
handmaiden's Avatar
handmaiden handmaiden is offline
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™

Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ Cleanest Kitchen Best Pie Best stoning bucket Bronze Tither Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient One Year/1000 posts True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Eats the Most Pork Ready for the Rapture Persecuted Christian Love Grammar Nazi Trump of GOD Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Teabag Patriot Trumpette Saved 5 Years Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Guns, Guts and GLORY! Alternative Facts Asked questions later Babysitter Marshmallow GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Polling for Christ Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty Chocolate Midget porn survivor Crown of Rejoicing

 
Posts: 11,341
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I knew you would want me here. - 01-13-2017, 04:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Indeed, Sister. Why, I still recall the look one of my youngsters gave me when we first read the story of Jephthah’s Daughter. Oh the look of sheer terror and incredulity on his innocent, trusting little face! To imagine the father would actually honor his vow made in haste and desperation and sacrifice his beloved child after a victory that could have easily have been attributed to greater skill rather than petition to the LORD to spare his innocent daughter! The buggy eyes filled rapidly with tears, and he quickly bolted away and ran to a dark corner where he cried and cried! That, dear Snake Eye, was an example of being shocked! No, you cannot shock us. True Christians™ are curators of the Truth™ and connoisseurs of God's Word. You'll have to do much more to shock us.

Sister Mary, there is no more shining example of someone so devoted to the study of His Word than a True Christian Lady® like yourself who is willing to memorize the name "Jephthah".


I tend to use the example of Lot when attempting to communicate the real cost of uncompromising love and obedience towards the Lord. But that is only because my weak nature makes it easier for me to remember Lot's name over Jephthah's.


It really is the province of our learned pastors to decide if burning one daughter is a sign of greater devotion that tossing out two of them to a ravenous gathering to be raped possibly a hundred times or more. Perhaps we will have to wait until we enter into our heavenly refuge to learn which offer was more pleasing in God's Holy Eyes.



The one thing that we do know from an examination of the text is that God did not offer any condemnation of ether man, which tends to be the reaction of foolish, immoral unbelievers. Not only is there not a word to be found anywhere in the entire Bible that suggests that the Lord disapproved of the actions of either father, the fact is that both men were richly blessed by Him.


Not only did neither fellow allow a maudlin attachment to his female offspring to stand between himself and doing right in the Lord's Eyes, but all three of the young ladies were noted to be virgins according to the narrative. Of course, Lot's daughters certainly would not have remained so if he had not been prevented from carrying out his intentions by circumstances. And those of us who have bothered to read the Bible know that their virginity was lost under other circumstances. But Jephthah's daughter died "intact" as it were.


Either way, both men are to be commended for keeping a close eye on their respective daughters' virtue. They, too, are a shining example of devotion to God and a comforting reminder of good old fashioned morals and decency. It's really sad how far the world has turned away from such values. . . But it's not shocking.


Because we have been forewarned about the increase of evil during the end times. Any truly discerning person can see how far we have come from a time when a godly man knew not to let anything come between him and his allegiance to The One True God.


Nowadays, most people don't even have the commitment to read all of God's Word, much less obey it. But we here at Landover Baptist know the consequences for those who refuse to read it all and obey it all. That is why our lives have been so much changed and why we devote so much of our time to sharing that Truth™ with a world that is largely illiterate of scripture.


Literately Yours,
Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
Reply With Quote
(#23)
Old
Faith_Machine's Avatar
Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Republican The Lord’s Witness Wound Pro-Life Ex-liberal Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Flat Earth Tell her once Guns, Guts and GLORY! Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior TC Bravery True Christian Hotrodder Tagging for Jesus Paula Deen Negro Support Group Early riser Touched by Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mission to Korea Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Sheep Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I knew you would want me here. - 01-13-2017, 11:01 AM

Snake Eye, thank you for admitting you are a liar. Can you tell us why you lied?

Don't be afraid to dig deep as you explore your reasons. Nothing you tell us will reduce our commitment to helping you know Jesus.


WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved