Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 516
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Mission for Men, topeka Kansas
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-10-2014, 06:59 PM
Perhaps ndrew777 has an idea?
We've installed cameras in teh women's restrooms in case of terrorism, so maybe we could set up cameras in each of our bedrooms/bathrooms at our homes. This would be on a voluntary bases of course. And we'd promise to remain handsfree, if you get my meaning.
It'd be like a buddy system -- you'd never know if someone was watching, so you wouldn't do it. That way, if anyone relapsed, everyone would or could see it.
I dont see how this could go wrong!
Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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Unsaved trash, drooling abo
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: May 2014
Location: chewing grubs in a cave
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-11-2014, 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban
Oh, no. You got it all wrong. It's not just because we dislike it, it's because God hates it.
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WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-11-2014, 12:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleLover29
WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!
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I'm sure you can find a cow-molesting elephant-worshiping forum more to your liking if you want to.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-11-2014, 01:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleLover29
WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!
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Unsupported claims are not welcome here.
You should have quoted the appropriate Veda (in English please, not Sanskrit [Brother Alphonse is multilingual, but we all have limits]) or whatever and specified which exact incarnation of Shiva is displeased (afaik, Hindu gods don't bother actually hating individual humans, because we're so insignificant).
Why don't you just toddle right along and set up your own website for True Hindus™ listing all the things Shiva, Hanuman, Ramalamadingdong, and the rest of that ridiculously bloated panoply hate (mostly each other, and as there are like 800 of them it keeps them too busy to bother dealing with this mortal plane, from what I've heard)?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Near Jesus
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-11-2014, 02:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustGotSaved
Perhaps ndrew777 has an idea?
We've installed cameras in teh women's restrooms in case of terrorism, so maybe we could set up cameras in each of our bedrooms/bathrooms at our homes. This would be on a voluntary bases of course. And we'd promise to remain handsfree, if you get my meaning.
It'd be like a buddy system -- you'd never know if someone was watching, so you wouldn't do it. That way, if anyone relapsed, everyone would or could see it.
I dont see how this could go wrong!
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I agree, that would be great.
But if someone hasn't camera yet, he/she still can join the Accountability group, based upon faith. If someone really wants to be free, he/she will admit, even if nobody sees him/her.
I write down again, because nobody hasn't added me to Skype.
My skype name is: [SALES OF PERSONAL INFORMATION ARE NOT ALLOWED ON GOD'S FAVORITE FORUM]
If you want to start an "anti-masturbation" Accountability group with me, just add me and we can speak about it.
Last edited by Mary Etheldreda; 06-11-2014 at 03:09 PM.
Reason: removal of personal spam
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Unsaved trash, smartassed retarded tool of satan
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Posts: 31
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In bed with my fag boyfriend
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-12-2014, 01:39 AM
Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.
Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-12-2014, 02:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong
Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.
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Of course you do. You probably use kittens for sling-shot practice, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong
Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
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Impossible. A True Christian™ neither rapes, nor gets raped. Since m**********n is naught but self-rape, no self-respecting True Christian™ would be even remotely interested. Sin holds no temptation over us.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Near Jesus
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
06-15-2014, 07:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong
Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.
Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
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Masturbation is:
- Genocide: killing millions of cells, which may have become humans.
- Selfishness: doing it for your own pleasure
- Fornication: "That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthey 5,28)
- It may cause weak vision or blindness
- It may cause hairy hands
- It may cause acnes
- and anyway, its is Disgusting, and separates from God.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-21-2014, 03:48 AM
Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Near Jesus
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-25-2014, 03:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
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That is great Pastor Ezekiel.
How much does it cost, and how to order it?
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-26-2014, 02:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
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I'll take the lot!
When used in conjunction with one of these anti-sodomy barriers:
We might just be able to cure perversion once and for all, God willing.
The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it. Even then, passers by may shout rude things like, "hey, papa smurf! How's it hangin'? HaHaHahahahaha!!!"
Jesus will laugh last, and He will laugh best!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-26-2014, 03:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer
The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it.
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You might not be inserting it the right way.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-26-2014, 05:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
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Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.
Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
08-26-2014, 05:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow
Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.
Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
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I figured it would just rust away after 10 years or so, but old Doc Abernathy made a very high quality product.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Near Jesus
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-04-2014, 09:32 PM
Brothers.
I don't know, how to proove it, but I haven't been masturbating for more years now.
Priase Jesus, I am clean.
I didn't ask this before, but ...
If you agree with me ...
Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-05-2014, 04:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nDrew777
Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?
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I'm not sure you can afford it.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 43
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Near Jesus
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-05-2014, 12:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I'm not sure you can afford it.
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I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.
So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.
I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-05-2014, 01:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I'm not sure you can afford it.
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He has a lot of extra commas, maybe he can sell those.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-05-2014, 06:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nDrew777
I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.
So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.
I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.
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Dear Andy (may I call you Andy? Or should I say András instead?). Let me explain something to you. God spoke directly to people when the Bible was still being written, simply because the Bible was not complete yet. Nowadays we have the Bible, which contains everything that God wants us to know. He doesn't speak to people anymore, He has the Bible for that. Well, I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you.
Did you understand, or should I use Google translate, sweetie?
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION -
09-05-2014, 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
...I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you...
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Or you?
A more interesting thing would be to hear nDrew's explanation for why God tells him one thing (that he is an ex-mastubator and a True Christian™) but tells someone else (Zeke) something completely different.
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