PATIENT REPORT: Lamb, Naomi Ruth
FOR THE EYES ONLY OF: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, Senior Pastors, Landover Baptist Church, and Dr. Laurence Niles
This information is not to be shared with any other person, entity, or spiritual being other than those named above.
Miss Lamb is a 24 year old female resident of Freehold, Iowa. She presented as a loud-mouthed, godmocking uppity feminazi, but oddly is a True Christian™. She was placed on 12 hour prayer vigils, emergency exorcism (twice daily), baptism regimens, and psychoaudiosermonological bed rest (headphones repeatedly playing sermons by Pastor Zeke along with psychotheological reinforcement by Dr. Niles). Patient began to show improvement in attitude within 4 weeks. There were setbacks, mostly in the form of foul language during vivid dreams, when she cried out about certain women of the church. Baptism with fervent laying on of hands and prayer was successful in curbing these outbursts.
Sins were discovered during therapy sessions, including:
1. Operating a business without a man in charge. Patient was beaten until she agreed to hire male management (See below)
2. Failing to marry at a proper age. (There were mitigating circumstances in that her father failed to approve various potential husbands, which is his sin, not hers) Moderate beating was recommended.
3. Patient has not produced sons for Christ due to being unwed. Moderate beating was administered.
4. Although income levels were at a titanium level, patient was not tithing at this level. Business office records show an aluminum tithe for the available weeks for which records could be obtained. (Pastors: There are approximately six weeks of tithing records for high level tithers that are missing or have white-out on them - attention needs to be given)
5. Disrespect for other True Christians™. Severe beatings have been successful in re-establishing a respectful tongue and returning Miss Lamb to the proper place of a TC™ woman.
Patient has addressed these sins through repentance, baptism, and the electronic Sindetector 4300-XL, and it would appear that her soul is once again cleared for the rapture. There is a definite Holy Ghost presence as shown on the confidential electronic scans that were sent to Sister Mary Etheldreda and the Holy Ghost Tribunal.
A male manager has been hired for Naomi's Moist Pie. We have placed an ad on a Christian singles web site to address the patient's lack of a husband. Our Social Services director has also reached out to other sources to find men willing to marry the elderly since the patient has now reached the age of 24. Virginity tests were still being researched as primary tests were inconclusive. Our team of doctors has performed these tests time and again and will provide a definitive answer in a few weeks.
Tithing has been increased as evidenced by the automatic debit receipts from the Christian Bank of Freehold® and the blessings that have been granted per the Holy Scriptures.
Miss Lamb participates in voluntary prayer, attends in-house worship daily, and provided financial support for another niglet in need of a nurturing youth (NINNY). The Pastor Zeke Fund for the Exceptionally Righteous has been given a $500,000 gift so that all senior pastors can enjoy continuing spiritual edification at the annual retreat in Aruba with no out of pocket expense this year. (Zeke, Dr. Niles has the check and has not yet deposited it per our records - can you please contact him?)
PROFESSIONAL RECOMMENDATION: Miss Lamb is spiritually and emotionally ready to be released to her home. No probationary period is necessary, but she is encouraged to check Christian Mingle twice daily and respond to at least five ads as approved by her father. (NOTE: Since Mr. Lamb has been very picky, we highly recommend that one of the sisters of the church helps in selecting those suitable of a date and that the senior pastors approve the marriage as an override to Church Law!) Miss Lamb is not legally obligated to accept a marriage proposal, but her soul could be damned with a majority vote of the True Christian™ Council on Aging and Non-Compliance with the Laws of the Lord to be Fruitful and Multiply.®
NOTICE OF RELEASE PER FREEHOLD ORDINANCE: Miss Lamb has been returned to her home, where she is not to receive visitors for at least 24 hours (parents excepted, of course). Monitoring of her estate has been approved by Mayor Hold to enforce this temporary restriction, with Miss Lamb footing the bill for the police and DOF presence.
Respectfully submitted this 24 day of May, in the year of our Glorious Lord 2014.
The Doctors of the Freehold Psychoneurotheological Institution for Women