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Reload this Page Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits!
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-26-2009, 07:00 PM

The Landover Baptist forums are a goldmine of GODly True Christian guidance, perspectives, articles, and Bible studies. Because of the high volume of new posts and revelations that come upon us each day, many of GOD's Greatest Hits quickly disappear into the back-pages of our forums.

If you're looking for answers to any of life's greatest questions, see below for the light that GOD has given us to share with you! Chances are your concerns have already been addressed!

True Christian brothers and sisters, please add the best threads you can find in our forums to this list!



Being a True Christian and Walking with GOD



  • Praising GOD in the Bathroom I list a handful of ways that you can turn the unpleasant act of going to the bathroom into a GODly experience!

Homosexuality



  • Gay Bowel Syndrome Sister Mary Maria's quick look at the unpleasant consequences of gay sex. What other reasons do you need to be straight?

Christian Parenting and Family Matters


  • Despicable advertising slogans Old Man Hatchet compiles an impressive list of shameful slogans that assault Christian values and the American family.
  • How sluts are made Brother Nobar King has an eye for depravity, and he warns us of the causes of harlotry!


Creation Science and the Earth and Universe


  • Proof of a Young Earth Pastor Billy-Reuben is back, and this time with the help of a pocket calculator and JESUS, He PROVES that the Earth is only 6,000 years old!


History



Christian Sexuality (WOMEN AND CHILDREN BE ADVISED!)

  • Keep it UP, Guys Old Man Hatchet handles the issue of positioning your unmentionables in your undergarments with great taste.


Politics and Government

  • The Big Lie of Katrina This could be the first small step in the journey of revealing the truth to the world! Thanks to ditchhook for sharing.

Supernatural threats and Cults



Just for Kids!

  • The Devil's Headlights Rebellious Cody was on his way to secular university, but GOD had another plan for his life!



The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!



Last edited by Bob4God; 02-27-2010 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Consolidated and updated list
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-26-2009, 08:43 PM

That's a very comprehensive list of threads, Brother Bob4. Thanks for putting that together.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-27-2009, 05:00 AM

Thank you Brother B4G. This compilation is a work of True Christian excellence and will ensure you a place along Christ's Right hand side.




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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-28-2009, 12:06 AM

Bookmarked for rebuke of the ungodly and a reference for the rest of us.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-28-2009, 11:53 PM

Brother B4G, I note that you seem to have bypassed the Godly Republican Politics section. Surely there are important messages for our visitors there, as well!


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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-28-2009, 11:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
Brother B4G, I note that you seem to have bypassed the Godly Republican Politics section. Surely there are important messages for our visitors there, as well!
Well spotted sister, but I do not intend to neglect that part of our forum. I am merely covering other areas before delving into our political wisdom, as there is such a mass of threads there!



The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 03-01-2009, 12:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
Well spotted sister, but I do not intend to neglect that part of our forum. I am merely covering other areas before delving into our political wisdom, as there is such a mass of threads there!
Don't mind her, Brother. She gets uppity at certain times of the month if you know what I mean.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 03-01-2009, 12:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Don't mind her, Brother. She gets uppity at certain times of the month if you know what I mean.
Pastor, remember the story about my mood ring?

Maybe you should look at my ring closely.


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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 03-11-2009, 09:22 AM

B4G, you've offered Humankind a very great gift.

...And practically authored your own "Epistle of Bob to a LIEbrul world." (Although, for final publication, you'll want to include more bits about Sister Ayn Rand and the Godliness of neoliberal solutions, but those are matters you should be able to handle without much effort. Otherwise, Well done!)


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Thumbs up Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 04-11-2011, 03:52 AM

AMEN!
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 02-11-2012, 11:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
True Christian brothers and sisters, please add the best threads you can find in our forums to this list!
I may not be a True Christian, but I do love this thread:
Fox news: Don't marry "other species/ethnics"


Matt 5:17-20 "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven:..."
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 05-28-2012, 06:13 AM

Wow, that's an amazing list. You must have put a lot of work into it!

Thank you Brother, I am adding it to my bookmarked folder of LBC wisdom


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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 04:30 AM

Is there a post about going to college anywhere? I scrolled through like 5 pages but didunt see anything. I'm starting college this week and I'm feeling sort of lost. I'm wondering if maybe I should maybe take some time off and like go backpacking across Europe and find myself. I think I want to go into Christian counceling but I just don't know. I keep asking God what He wants from me but I still havunt gotten a calling from Him.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm just wondering what to do.


Luke 22:20
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 04:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Integra-T View Post
Is there a post about going to college anywhere? I scrolled through like 5 pages but didunt see anything. I'm starting college this week and I'm feeling sort of lost. I'm wondering if maybe I should maybe take some time off and like go backpacking across Europe and find myself. I think I want to go into Christian counceling but I just don't know. I keep asking God what He wants from me but I still havunt gotten a calling from Him.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm just wondering what to do.
You're a damned queer, aren't you boy.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Integra-T Integra-T is offline
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 04:43 AM

I admit I've had SSA before. I used to get teased at baseball practice cuz I always got wood and you could see it cuz of the pants. I always pretended it was cuz of girls though and people believed me. My Christian friends know though and weve prayed about it a lot. But I know its a sin to act on SSA and have a girlfriend who I plan to marry. God doesunt give us more than we can handle so I know that if I want to serve Him I can't be gay.


Luke 22:20
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 04:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Integra-T View Post
I admit I've had SSA before. I used to get teased at baseball practice cuz I always got wood and you could see it cuz of the pants. I always pretended it was cuz of girls though and people believed me. My Christian friends know though and weve prayed about it a lot. But I know its a sin to act on SSA and have a girlfriend who I plan to marry. God doesunt give us more than we can handle so I know that if I want to serve Him I can't be gay.

Integra-T,
First I'm glad that you admit that homosexual is wrong and a great sin regardless if your just "thinking about it". Most homosexuals won't admit that it's a sin and that their 'god' (I lowercased it on purpose because their god isn't real) will be understanding it, since in their eyes they were born with it.
I'm glad that you are able to overcome these nasty tendenices and wish you the best of luck with your girlfriend. I sure hope your not fornicating with your girlfriend though.
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Integra-T is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Integra-T is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Integra-T is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Integra-T is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 05:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevent33 View Post
I sure hope your not fornicating with your girlfriend though.
No way!

We met at the Ichthus festival a few years ago and lived in different towns so we just wrote a lot. Mostly about Jesus. But now we both go to UT and I'm worried that she might lead me into temptation. I'm sort of thinking I should just go ahead and marry her?


Luke 22:20
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 05:11 AM

If you don't think your strong enough to fight her sexual advances, than yes it's better that you marry this girl. My question is however, do you love this girl truly with all your heart? If you don't truly love her, than you would best to get rid of her because God doesn't take to kindly to fornication. Besides your not getting any younger; it may be time to start popping out soldiers for God.
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Billy Bob Jenkins Billy Bob Jenkins is offline
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Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-22-2012, 05:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Integra-T View Post
No way!

We met at the Ichthus festival a few years ago and lived in different towns so we just wrote a lot. Mostly about Jesus. But now we both go to UT and I'm worried that she might lead me into temptation. I'm sort of thinking I should just go ahead and marry her?
If this girl is tempting you, then she is an adulterous whore. Wouldn't you rather have a woman who has repented of all sin?


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits! - 08-30-2012, 06:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevent33 View Post
If you don't think your strong enough to fight her sexual advances, than yes it's better that you marry this girl. My question is however, do you love this girl truly with all your heart? If you don't truly love her, than you would best to get rid of her because God doesn't take to kindly to fornication. Besides your not getting any younger; it may be time to start popping out soldiers for God.
"Truly love her"?

What are you talking about? Are you one of those homosexuals?

A True Christian™ marriage is about raising Soldiers for Christ and maintaining the home. The questions he should be asking are:

"Is this woman a True Christian™?" Correct answer: Yes

"Is this woman attractive to me, to ensure I can perform to bring forth Soldiers for Christ?" Correct answer: Yes

"Does this woman have a strong body and childbearing hips?" Correct answer: Yes

"Is this woman a virgin?" Correct answer: Yes

"Can this woman handle physical labor such as kitchen work, lawnmowing, and snow-shoveling?" Correct answer: Yes

"Does this woman require excessive beauty treatments to serve vanity?" Correct answer: No

"Are there any hereditary problems in this woman's family, like insanity or ugliness?" Correct answer: No


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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