I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting pretty sick of this. Every time I turn on the TV, all I hear is some reporters going on and on about the Mooslim terrorists in France. Like France was important or something. Hey, the only thing they ever invented over there was French fries, French toast and homos.
And now it's just gotten worse. In the past 24 hours the liberal media is obsessed with some terrorist attack in
Mali. I mean is Mali even a country?
I asked my accounting people to check to see if my company even sold anything to Mali in the past year. All they could come up with is that - thanks to privatization - we did get a US government no-bid contract to ship them food aid, an opportunity we used to unload several container loads of made-in-China food products that had been declared unsafe by the Chink authorities due to contamination from one of our metal-plating factories near Shanghai. Seems that our black ops people also shipped a few million dollars worth of weapons and ammo to an "NCO" in Mali, but that was through a third party buyer in the Ukraine, one of them Orange Revolution "freedom fighter" groups we organized, so it was "off the books" if you know what I mean.
Ukrainian freedom fighters, helping the people of Mali
Thankfully, Fox News limits its coverage of foreign events to no more than 5% of their programming, and often it's less than that. I mean what would you rather hear about, some pissant countries like France and Mali, or really important stuff like the
War on Christmas™ and Sarah Palin's botox treatments?
So I think that everyone just needs to calm down. Stop worrying about terrorists all the time - just vote Republican and you'll be safe. And remember, Thanksgiving is next week - we got lots of hormone-fattened turkeys just waiting for you and your loved ones. And one day later is the beginning of Christmas shopping season, a sacred time of year endorsed by Jesus Christ himself! Don't spoil these happy times with worry about some foreigners wearing suicide vests (made by my company at our clothing factories in China!). America is an exceptional country - bad things only happen over there in other countries that we're bombing, so you and your family are safe.