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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-06-2006, 03:05 AM

November 2006 Church Newsletter November 6, 2006

Notice to Members: Purchasing products from the Landover Baptist Store during the Holiday season will not only help heat several of Pastor Deacon Fred's vacation homes this winter, but will also help keep your favorite church online for another year! Shout Glory!
Teachers Punish Stupidest Students By Making Them Play Injuns in Thanksgiving Pageant What a wonderful way of teaching youngsters what happens to lazy failures who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter! Full Story!>
MRS. BETTY BOWERS
Christian Concern For Ted Haggard's Delicious Disgrace
"As an evangelical preacher, he is clearly too used to getting up in front of people who believe anything he says to lie convincingly to those still fettered by thought." Read More!>
Free Holiday Leftover Meal For Homeless Who Sign Contract and Confess Christ
Homeless people who qualify for the free leftover meal will also be asked to sit through a small church service where they will sing hymns and smile through several photo sessions with wealthy church members and local Republican politicians.
Full Story!>
Pastor's Daughter Wins 2006 Miss Baptist Beauty Contest"Penny-May has been training for this moment since the day her sweet mother began multitasking during breast-feeding by trying out every Miss Clairol on Penny-May until she found the right shade of burnt-tomato to bring out her prominent right eye," says proud father, Pastor Deacon Fred. Read More!>
Creation Scientists Trace Origin of Little Red Puppet Species to the Lake of Fire "In our initial research, we found that upon tickling Elmo between its legs, or its hind side, it begins to squirm and contort its bestial body into lewd sexual positions. And this toy doesn't just giggle, fellows! Nay! We've heard it moan with carnal delight!"More>
Demon-Possessed Turkeys and More! At Landover Baptist, Thanksgiving can be a frightening time. Each year we are forced again, and again, and again, and again to deal with the hell bound Injuns that surround our church property. Not to mention, unruly children! and Harry Potter!
FROM THE VAULTS:
McDonalds Cancels Promotion For Genital Jewelry Happy Meals!
We unveil yet another 100% real legal threat surrounding a previously pulled article. This time, the McDonald's Corporation slams the gavel! You've got to see it to believe it, brothers and sisters!! More>
Reader Mail! Always the favorite for our Church members, is saved for last! Authentic e-mails, delivered with regularity as usual, and sent directly to our Pastor's inbox from the heartland of God's Country. Updated with October 2006 e-mail! Let Me See!
Order Your Landover Baptist Christmas Cards! Happy Birthday Baby Jesus, Please Don't Burn Us in Hell! All new: "Lap of the Lord" Landover Christian Mall Cards and Shotgun Greeting Cards!
Shop and Support Your Godly Church!
Limited - $2.00 Off Ornaments and Cards From November 6 - November 19 Click Here!>



Copyright 1998-2006, Landover Baptist Ministries. All rights reserved. Terms of Service
The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-06-2006, 04:13 AM

Very interesting, Pastor Al, but ??



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-11-2006, 03:03 AM

Now I don't even wants to talk 'bouts this SODOMITE! This HOMERSEXUAL! This SON OF SATAN'S PIT!! This LIAR and DECEIVER!

That be rit! Ted has his one-ways ticket to HELL and he'll be rit there on his knees servicing Satan's wetback army!

Ted is an ABOMINATION direct from the VALLEY OF ABOMINATIONS AND DESOLATIONS!

I be callin down the BLOOD OF THE LAMB on his head! Ted be BURNIN soon in the FIRE LAKES OF HELL !!
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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-11-2006, 12:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Love View Post
Now I don't even wants to talk 'bouts this SODOMITE! This HOMERSEXUAL! This SON OF SATAN'S PIT!! This LIAR and DECEIVER!

That be rit! Ted has his one-ways ticket to HELL and he'll be rit there on his knees servicing Satan's wetback army!

Ted is an ABOMINATION direct from the VALLEY OF ABOMINATIONS AND DESOLATIONS!

I be callin down the BLOOD OF THE LAMB on his head! Ted be BURNIN soon in the FIRE LAKES OF HELL !!
...Uh, are you a nigra by any chance? Because you certainly do talk like one...


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 02:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
...Uh, are you a nigra by any chance? Because you certainly do talk like one...
No I growed up in the South and I be a Southern Baptist Evangelist with a Revival Tent Ministry brother.
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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 03:49 AM

Maybe Pastor Ted was finally breaking free from the rigid confines of a racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist mindset. After all, he did care about global warming, improving health care, and ending racism.
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Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 07:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren Ingram-Myers View Post
Maybe Pastor Ted was finally breaking free from the rigid confines of a racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist mindset. After all, he did care about global warming, improving health care, and ending racism.
SURE HE DID! HE CARED ABOUT FAGGY CAUSES BECAUSE HE IS A FAG! GET THEE BACK TO THY LIEBERAL UNIVERSITY, PAWN OF SATAN!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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