The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES!

MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 04-20-2014, 07:55 PM
Eva_Christensen's Avatar
Eva_Christensen Eva_Christensen is offline
Swedish meatball
Forum Member

Heaven Bound TC Bravery Christian Love 

Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pagan Denmark
Posts: 102
Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™Eva_Christensen is a True Christian™
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
Bless you, Sister Eva, for your unflinching loyalty to your husband, even at the potential cost of your own soul. As a practical woman, I will continue to pray that your husband may either die or be cured by some miracle: it doesn't much matter which, does it?
Thank you for your kind words
I am thankful for all of your prayers, Dear Sister! But the thought of going back on "the marked" terrifies me. Especially now, when my fathers poor mind has gone completely senile, and he cannot guide me. So my husband beeing cured, would in any case be easier. I wouldn't have to move and change adresses - it's so inconvinient - and sometimes your mail gets lost!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
My suggestion would be to look around for a sturdy but - how can I put it? - slightly less than averagely attractive young woman. Young women are all much the same in the dark, Bob.

YiC
AW
Very sound advice indeed!
Perhaps if you went to a christian dance and waited till the wee hours of the morning - I am sure the girls that are left, will be more willing to settle look your way, Bob
__________________
1 Thessalonians 5:3 For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-20-2014, 11:54 PM
Mary Thompson's Avatar
Mary Thompson Mary Thompson is offline
True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Cleanest Kitchen Most Obedient Real American™ Pro-Life Paula Deen Negro Support Group Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Homemaker Most Obedient In Love With Zeke True Christian™ 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Freehold, Iowa, God's Nation!
Posts: 653
Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mary Thompson is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva_Christensen View Post
How unbearably sweet of you, to think of both me and Brother Bob, dear Sister Mary!

The thing is, my husband is very much alive and well, so I think Brother Bob would be better of looking in other places, to find his true love

How the financial side of things Bob? Any future inheritance maybe? Perhaps if you looked in the poorer sides of town, it would increase your chances?

YiC
Eva
The thing is, sweet Sister Eva, one must think of the future and I am sure you and Brother Bob would make an amazing match. However if you are determined to stay with your barren one stoned husband, then do so.

I agree with the above comments, Bob, I don't know what it is but ladies seem to be very agreeable after midnight. But you musn't tell your mother about that, you won't, will you? That's good, Bob, very good.
Just go to a Christian dance in the Freehold (I'm sure that a little tithing will soften Pastor Zeke enough to let you in) and then wait to the wee hours of the morning and propose to one of the ladies!
__________________
Thinking of Abortion?
That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
Think of the children. Stop being a slut.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-21-2014, 02:00 AM
Freddy Osborne's Avatar
Freddy Osborne Freddy Osborne is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Christian™ Christian Love True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Tell her once Touched by Jesus Porn Resistant 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
Posts: 506
Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Brother Bob,

I've put some serious thought into your situation. While these ladies are offering some fine advice, I'm not sure you are ready for the big dance. Even if you wait till midnight, there is no way you can cover multiple exits by yourself.

We need to get you up to speed. Lucky for you, back in the forsaken years- Freddy knew every trick in the book when it came to courtship.

Thankfully, The Lord has forgave me for those innocent ladies that fell victim to my indiscretions. And certainly I hope some of them asked for forgiveness too because they needed it...

Moving on, forget the dance. I'm betting no one will be impressed with your Hokey Pokie anyway.

We need a controlled environment. I propose you immediately drive, or more probably take a bus down to my house. There is a local facility with countless women that are already confined. They need witnessing and most of them are desperate... REALLY desperate for some companionship.

There will be PLENTY to choose from, Bob! So bring some smokes, some cash may be a good call if needed, and decide if you prefer blondes or brunettes!

Some may even be able to help you out with this Mom of yours....

Here's a link. You can go ahead and window shop my friend...

http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/newestladies/

PM when you are coming down.
__________________
"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."(Deuteronomy 23:1)

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 01-03-2015, 01:15 AM
Sarah Darling Sarah Darling is offline
Unsaved Trash, suspected spastic
Under Investigation
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: godless florida
Posts: 14
Sarah Darling is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Sarah Darling is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Hello Bob, my name is Sydney and I enjoyed reading your post. I am having a difficult time finding someone. There really aren't single men at my church and its hard finding a christian man outside of church. I would be interested in getting to know you. I've been saved for two years now. I was raised in church my entire life. I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy. Hope you have a wonderful week, Sydney.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-03-2015, 01:23 AM
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Posts: 77,722
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Syd0895 View Post
Hello Bob, my name is Sydney and I enjoyed reading your post. I am having a difficult time finding someone. There really aren't single men at my church and its hard finding a christian man outside of church. I would be interested in getting to know you. I've been saved for two years now. I was raised in church my entire life. I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy. Hope you have a wonderful week, Sydney.
Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-03-2015, 01:36 AM
Sarah Darling Sarah Darling is offline
Unsaved Trash, suspected spastic
Under Investigation
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: godless florida
Posts: 14
Sarah Darling is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Sarah Darling is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Bob, I want a godly boyfriend as well....It's hard to find one these days!
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-03-2015, 01:38 AM
Alvin Moss's Avatar
Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Proud Niglet Sponsorer Touched by Jesus One Year/1000 posts Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Sons of Liberty Porn Resistant Early riser Tell her once Persecuted Bronze Tither Punched the most queers 

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 1,778
Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

The investigation is not going well for you. It is unwise to defy the Pastor.
__________________
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

FRIV

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:10 PM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2015 all rights reserved