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Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
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Default NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-26-2013, 02:44 PM

NOTICE to Freehold Citizens:

I am encouraging everyone to leave their navitity scences lighted and in place until New Years Day or later. This will allow ever more passersby to see the historically accuate portrayal of the birth of Baby Jesus. Perhaps some will come to Jesus and join Landover Baptist Church.

I have received calls from people who have experienced the theft of their Baby Jesus'. Freehold Police have done everything possible to find and prosecute the thieves. We have heard that several Baby Jesus' are hidden in the Des Moines Housing Projects.

The good news is that Freehold Police have visited every nativity scene and implanted each Baby Jesus with a GPS tracking device. This will allow Police to find stolen Jesus figures in the Des Monies Housing Projects and arrest the thieves. Each and every Baby Jesus in now safe.

God Bless our wonderful City.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

http://www.christianpost.com/news/sa...urines-111425/


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-26-2013, 05:20 PM

Citizens should remember that protecting you're nativity scene falls under the "stand you're ground" law in Freehold, and won only need to feel like the Nativity Scene is threatened to use deadly force. Landmines can be as effective as GPS at defending you're Nativity Scene provided you have a few spare pieces to replace the ones that get damaged in the explosions.


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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-26-2013, 07:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
Citizens should remember that protecting you're nativity scene falls under the "stand you're ground" law in Freehold, and won only need to feel like the Nativity Scene is threatened to use deadly force. Landmines can be as effective as GPS at defending you're Nativity Scene provided you have a few spare pieces to replace the ones that get damaged in the explosions.
Thank you for reminding everyone, Brother Godfly, that stand your ground does apply for defending manger scenes. Deadly force is the Christian's best friend.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-26-2013, 11:30 PM

Theft of the Baby Jesus has become so widespread that it now deserves its own Wikipedia page.

In some cases the rug munching lezbeans are to blame:

Quote:

GPS protection has met with some success. In one case, after a life-size ceramic nativity figurine disappeared from the lawn of a community center in Wellington, Florida, sheriff's deputies tracked it to an apartment where it was found lying face-down on a carpet. An 18-year-old woman was arrested.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Jesus_theft
In other cases it's Satanic cults, Nazi's, or attempts to spawn race wars:

Quote:

Some figurines have been defaced with profanity or Satanic symbols. In December 2008, for example, a fiberglass Baby Jesus valued at US$375 was stolen from a Eureka Springs, Arkansas park and later recovered, but had been defaced by racial slurs, a swastika, and a Hitler mustache. The eyes were also blacked out and pieces had been broken off, rendering it damaged beyond repair.

In his autobiography, The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell, Marilyn Manson admitted playing a prank in which he and a few friends stole figurines of Jesus then replaced them with hams. They sent a communique to a newspaper posing as a black radical group saying that it was a protest against "the plasticisation of the black man's wisdom with the so-called 'White Christmas'."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Jesus_theft
Some tend to discount the influence of the atheists and dismiss the stealing of the Baby Jesus as a simple prank.

Quote:

While Baby Jesus thefts are largely regarded as pranks, they are set apart by the involvement of a religious icon. "They think it's a prank, but it isn't a prank to some of these people," Pennsylvania state police Corporal Paul Romanic told The Morning Call newspaper, in regards to an incident in which ten nativity scene figures were found in a yard after being stolen from across Bucks County, Pennsylvania. "Plus, it's just wrong to steal the baby Jesus."

Some have wondered if an anti-Christian sentiment lurks behind the thefts. Attorney Mike Johnson of the Alliance Defending Freedom (formerly the Alliance Defense Fund), a Christian legal group, stated, "I suspect most of it is childish pranks. Clearly, there are adults with an agenda to remove Christ from Christmas. But they tend to occupy themselves with the courts and courtroom of public opinion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Jesus_theft
Then there is the "heart warming" story from Big Hollywood:

Quote:

In "The Big Little Jesus," the December 24, 1953 episode of the television series Dragnet, Sgts. Friday and Smith are called upon to investigate the theft of a Baby Jesus from a church nativity display on Christmas Eve. Unable to solve the crime, the officers tell the priest that Mass must be celebrated without the Baby Jesus. The figurine is restored when a boy arrives with it in a wagon. He tells the officers that he had vowed that if he got a wagon for Christmas, Baby Jesus would have the first ride. This episode was remade when Dragnet went to color; it is not only the only episode made twice, but the only story not based on an actual police case. The episode was originally broadcast on radio on December 22, 1953, making it the only episode to appear on all three Jack Webb versions of the series.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Jesus_theft
No matter what the alleged cause of the rampant Baby Jesus thefts are, an armed America based on sound Second Amendment rights to openly carry weapons is the only thing that is going to put a stop to it.


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brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-27-2013, 02:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
NOTICE to Freehold Citizens:

[B]I am encouraging everyone to leave their navitity scences lighted and in place until New Years Day or later.
Brother Mayor, did you mean to include the Landover Homeschool Nativity Recreation Troupe stationed outside City Hall? We've received so many positive comments about how cute the children are dressed up in traditional Middle Eastern clothes (the negative comments about "child abuse" and "hazardous weather" are filed away quickly in the appropriate circular file, if you know what I mean). The reason I ask is because the children standing and kneeling in the snow lends such a sweet, innocent, fresh Christmas look to the event, and I'm afraid keeping lights on them throughout the night would melt the snow and ruin the look.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-27-2013, 02:26 AM

Mary, I hope all the children are implanted with GPS tracking devices as per Mayor Hold's advice! If they were stolen by heathens, no end of harm could be done to them in just seconds, bless the little children's hearts.
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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-27-2013, 05:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Brother Mayor, did you mean to include the Landover Homeschool Nativity Recreation Troupe stationed outside City Hall? We've received so many positive comments about how cute the children are dressed up in traditional Middle Eastern clothes (the negative comments about "child abuse" and "hazardous weather" are filed away quickly in the appropriate circular file, if you know what I mean). The reason I ask is because the children standing and kneeling in the snow lends such a sweet, innocent, fresh Christmas look to the event, and I'm afraid keeping lights on them throughout the night would melt the snow and ruin the look.
I hope we can work something out with the live children, Sister E. Maybe you could look into dimming the lights a bit to hold down the heat.

Those kids really give the scene a feeling of reality. We all know the manger had no central heat and so Mary, Joeseph, the shepards, wisemen and who ever else was there were cold.

I'm sure you have explained to the kids the cold makes it an authentic display.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-27-2013, 05:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
I'm sure you have explained to the kids the cold makes it an authentic display.
Indeed, Brother Mayor. Also, as advocates of First Time Obedience, we routinely go over Christian Children expectations (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). Further, the children understand that their temporary discomfort is nothing to the lasting embarrassment and disappointment their parents will have to endure should they disobey. We talk about what it means to be attention whores when all attention should be on the Baby Jesus. And we have wonderful discussions regarding feeling warm today when the price for such selfish extravagance is an eternity of roasting in the Lake of Fire. It's an enriching learning experience for the children, and they know very well the importance of their obedience.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-27-2013, 04:43 PM

Oh, to live in a town with such a caring mayor. Our neighbors, the Carmalucci's, converted from Catholicism to true Christianity and now attend our Baptist church. They had their Mary stolen from the nativity scene; we all suspect it was the work of disgruntled Catholics, perhaps the Santos family. Little Lisa Carmalucci was so heartbroken not to have a full nativity scene. Most of the Catholics think stringing blue lights around half a bathtub with Mary in it is decoration enough. Why they would need to steal a kneeling Mary - well, it brings to mind hideous reasons. Mayor, I pray to our LORD that one day I can reside in your halcyon village.


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Default Re: NOTICE: All Freehold Navtiviity Scenes Now Protected by GPS. - 12-28-2013, 01:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Oh, to live in a town with such a caring mayor. Our neighbors, the Carmalucci's, converted from Catholicism to true Christianity and now attend our Baptist church. They had their Mary stolen from the nativity scene; we all suspect it was the work of disgruntled Catholics, perhaps the Santos family. Little Lisa Carmalucci was so heartbroken not to have a full nativity scene. Most of the Catholics think stringing blue lights around half a bathtub with Mary in it is decoration enough. Why they would need to steal a kneeling Mary - well, it brings to mind hideous reasons. Mayor, I pray to our LORD that one day I can reside in your halcyon village.
We would be delighted to have you as a citizen of Freehold, Mrs. Lamb.

Your obvious committment to Jesus would be an asset to our City on a Hill.

We have suffered no thefts of Marys or Jesuses since our full scale effort to keep out theives from the Des Moines Housing Project. It's residents are, if I may say it delicately, not like us.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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