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Skallagrimsson Skallagrimsson is offline
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Default Re: 8 Reasons Why God Hates the Faroe Islands! - 06-13-2015, 09:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Alex View Post
8 REASONS WHY GOD HATES THE FAROE ISLANDS!


The Faroe Islands are located in the North Atlantic right between God's most hated countries, Iceland and Denmark. God hates the Faroe Islands and so does everybody else. In fact, the majority of the world does not even recognize the Faroes as a real country because of their sinful ways:
1. The name of the Faroe Islands is derived from the name of the Godless ruler of Egypt whom God cursed for persecuting Moses and his people. "And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues..." (Genesis 12:17)
2. The population of the Faroes is only about 50,000. Due to their low population, most of the Faroese people are inbred and suffering from a lot of both mental and physical disabilities. "For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;" (Leviticus 21:18-20)

3.
Due to their laziness, the Faroese nation has no official government. As a result they have been put under the dictatorship of Queen Margrethe II of the Godless Kingdom of Denmark. "The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour." (Proverbs 21:25)

4. There is not a single Christian person living in the Faroes. They hate Jesus and either worship Satan or his granny, the Queen of Denmark. "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God." (Psalm 9:17)

5. The Faroese national holiday, Onan's voka, is named after Onan, the famous Biblical masturbator. "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also."(Genesis 38:9-10)

6. All the Faroese people are practitioners of witchcraft and regularly summon demons with their satanic chants and dances."Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." (Exodus 22:18)

7.
Alcoholism is a growing problem in the Faroe Islands. The Faroes are one of the few nations that has absolutely no laws regarding the prohibition of alchohol and they even encourage their children to drink on their national masturbating holiday. "For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags." (Proverbs 23:21)

8. The Faroese coat of arms shows a picture of a ram which is a clear reference to their approval of bestiality. "Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death." (Exodus 22:19)
Finally, there is not a single reason for God not to hate the Faroes and unless they repent of their sins and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will all be turned into Hell along with other Godless countries such as Denmark, Australia, England, Scotland, New Zealand, Germany, France, Italy, Hungary, Russia, China, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Ukraine, Romania, Croatia, Serbia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Somalia, Sudan, South Africa, Iceland, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala, Algeria, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Qatar, etc.
How wonderfully entertaining your tale was. Creative. It was almost like reading Shelley the Republican again. Not many truths to them however.

Here's a few fun facts about Faroe Islands.

It's just north of Scotland in the North Sea. It's officially under Denmark, but do have it's own flag, it's own currency, it's own national football team (beat Greece 2-1 tonight at the European Cup qualifier), it's own stamp, and even it's own language.
Their crime rate is about 0. No violence. 3 murders the last 40 years. Nobody starves. All have a home. No poverty. Sounds almost as idyllic as Hobbiton to me.

It's been Christian since 1100, when it was a colony of Norway (later to Denmark).

However, Christianity came there with violence, and not with "peace & love" that baby Jesus was supposed to represent.

The kingsman Sigmundur tried to convert the people there as a decree from King Olaf who was Christian in the year of 1005.
The people there didn't take this lightly. They protested loudly, suspecting the Sigmundur who was the first one to convert for having ulterior motives.
So Sigmundur came to the chieftain's seat in the night with his men, and gave Trondur, the chieftain two options:

Convert or lose your head.

He did the most convenient, and chose the first choice. But that was only pretend. Later that night, he found Sigmundur, and chased him off. Sigmundur was killed later that night by a farmer who was siding with Trondur.

Today, 87% of the people belong to the evangelical Lutheran church.

Alcohol:
From what I know, drunkenness is a universal thing. You'll find drunks everywhere, especially in the American bible belt. You'll find drunks in England, Scandinavia, USA, Russia... Faroe Islands is nothing special in that department. I'm more worried about religion being stuffed down people's heads. Especially as kids and at home. It only makes them confused when they grow up and find out that the world doesn't revolve around his religion. And that the facts doesn't fit the religious shoes that was forced on him as a kid.
But I digress.
The thing is, that American Christians can't handle their booze very well. Not like the REAL drunk anyway: Baby Jesus himself. He was a legendary drunk.

Read some comment about their flag.
Their flag has similar patterns as the rest of the Nordic countries. And the cross in the flag is a symbol of the cross in your favorite fairy tales about baby Jesus supposedly ending his life on the cross.
The first with the white bottom, and red center. The other flag underneath is the Icelandic flag. (Iceland is another country populated by Norwegians. A country that once arrested the criminal bankers, kicked the old government out, and wrote a new constitution only a few years ago.)

Onan a masturbator?

And I was silly enough to think that this verse was about a specific event, where Onan was forbidden to spill his seed during a specific sexual act.
I do however fully understand many Christians who struggles with a obsession with genitalia - remarkably enough over the genitalia of others.
I mean, can't you just jerk off like the rest of us instead of jealously condemning it? We all know you wax your carrot at least 7 times a week and twice on Sundays.

Other than that, your god seem to hate a lot of things. Kind of ruins the image that Christians try to paint him with: the all forgiving, and loving god.

But on American Christian websites, there's not much love to trace. Mostly moralization, pointing fingers, playing the victim card, and making baby Jesus hate everything they hate...both socially as well as economically.

Thanks for the fun read anyway. I hope it's a spoof.

Best of luck in your future and your new project, finding out that there are other countries in the world than USA (and what's left of the countries you have blown up in the name of "freedom"...

P.S. I just made an account just to correct your misinformation and ignorance.
That is all.
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