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  • #466
    Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

    Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

    Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
    This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN

    Comment

    • #467
      Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

      Originally posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
      Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.
      Of course you do. You probably use kittens for sling-shot practice, too.

      Originally posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
      Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
      Impossible. A True Christian™ neither rapes, nor gets raped. Since m**********n is naught but self-rape, no self-respecting True Christian™ would be even remotely interested. Sin holds no temptation over us.
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • #468
        Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

        Originally posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
        Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

        Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
        Masturbation is:

        • Genocide: killing millions of cells, which may have become humans.
        • Selfishness: doing it for your own pleasure
        • Fornication: "That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthey 5,28)
        • It may cause weak vision or blindness
        • It may cause hairy hands
        • It may cause acnes
        • and anyway, its is Disgusting, and separates from God.

        Comment

        • #469
          Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION


          Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #470
            Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.


            That is great Pastor Ezekiel.
            How much does it cost, and how to order it?

            Comment

            • #471
              Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

              Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
              I'll take the lot!

              When used in conjunction with one of these anti-sodomy barriers:



              We might just be able to cure perversion once and for all, God willing.

              The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it. Even then, passers by may shout rude things like, "hey, papa smurf! How's it hangin'? HaHaHahahahaha!!!"

              Jesus will laugh last, and He will laugh best!

              Comment

              • #472
                Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post
                The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it.
                You might not be inserting it the right way.
                May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                Comment

                • #473
                  Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

                  Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
                  Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

                  Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
                  The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

                  Comment

                  • #474
                    Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                    Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
                    Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

                    Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
                    I figured it would just rust away after 10 years or so, but old Doc Abernathy made a very high quality product.
                    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

                    Comment

                    • #475
                      Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                      Brothers.

                      I don't know, how to proove it, but I haven't been masturbating for more years now.
                      Priase Jesus, I am clean.

                      I didn't ask this before, but ...

                      If you agree with me ...

                      Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?

                      Comment

                      • #476
                        Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                        Originally posted by nDrew777 View Post

                        Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?
                        I'm not sure you can afford it.
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • #477
                          Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          I'm not sure you can afford it.
                          I had a dream last night.
                          God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
                          And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

                          So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

                          I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.

                          Comment

                          • #478
                            Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                            I'm not sure you can afford it.
                            He has a lot of extra commas, maybe he can sell those.
                            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                            Comment

                            • #479
                              Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                              Originally posted by nDrew777 View Post
                              I had a dream last night.
                              God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
                              And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

                              So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

                              I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.
                              Dear Andy (may I call you Andy? Or should I say András instead?). Let me explain something to you. God spoke directly to people when the Bible was still being written, simply because the Bible was not complete yet. Nowadays we have the Bible, which contains everything that God wants us to know. He doesn't speak to people anymore, He has the Bible for that. Well, I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you.

                              Did you understand, or should I use Google translate, sweetie?
                              God created fossils to test our faith.

                              * * *

                              My favorite LBC sermons:
                              True Christians are Perfect!
                              True Christian™ Love.
                              Salvation™ made Easy!
                              You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                              Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                              Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                               Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                              Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                              The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                              Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                              God HATES Rational Thinking!
                              True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                              Comment

                              • #480
                                Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                                Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
                                ...I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you...
                                Or you?

                                A more interesting thing would be to hear nDrew's explanation for why God tells him one thing (that he is an ex-mastubator and a True Christian™) but tells someone else (Zeke) something completely different.

                                Comment

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