Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Start the lesson with a Bible reading of Revelation 14:3–5, and Revelation 14:1. Consider the fact that there's only enough space for 144,000 people in heaven.

Then bring up the fact that it's been estimated that "in all history 108 billion people have been born". Ask them what's missing from this statement.

If the kids struggle with this, ask them if they are babykillers or not. Then should bring them to the correct answer: we don't care how many people have been born, we care how many have been conceived.

That's why we call ourselves conceived-again Christians, not "born-again Christians" as they babykillers call themselves.

So, on the the math section: now we take the fact that 3/4 of all people conceived are miscarried (due to God's mysterious plan) and ask them to multiply 108 times 4.

Answer: 432

Now, long division: 432,000,000,000 divided by 144,000.

Answer: exactly 3 million. Such a clean number means this has to be a miracle.

So, there's your odds of escaping eternal torture: 1 in 3,000,000.

That means out of the entire population of Philadelphia, Pa. and Phoenix, Ariz. combined, you're likely to find ONE person who will escape hellfire.

Just a bit more math: Calculate how many people will burn in hell after the tribulation kills everybody: 432,000,000,000 - 144,000.

Answer: 431,999,856,000

Now for the art section: ask them to draw all 431,999,856,000 people burning in hell.

Once they've spent 2 hours you can tell them they're allowed to stop now.

For reference, here's what one million hellbound people look like:

(Don't bother looking for one person who will escape hellfire - he's not there.)

[JewPincher]

Re: Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

Also, the 3 in 3,000,000 is undoubtedly reflecting the Trinity. Beautiful!

[Chewer]

Re: Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

Start the lesson with a Bible reading of Revelation 14:3–5, and Revelation 14:1. Consider the fact that there's only enough space for 144,000 people in heaven.

Then bring up the fact that it's been estimated that "in all history 108 billion people have been born". Ask them what's missing from this statement.

If the kids struggle with this, ask them if they are babykillers or not. Then should bring them to the correct answer: we don't care how many people have been born, we care how many have been conceived.

That's why we call ourselves conceived-again Christians, not "born-again Christians" as they babykillers call themselves.

So, on the the math section: now we take the fact that 3/4 of all people conceived are miscarried (due to God's mysterious plan) and ask them to multiply 108 times 4.

Answer: 432

Now, long division: 432,000,000,000 divided by 144,000.

Answer: exactly 3 million. Such a clean number means this has to be a miracle.

So, there's your odds of escaping eternal torture: 1 in 3,000,000.

That means out of the entire population of Philadelphia, Pa. and Phoenix, Ariz. combined, you're likely to find ONE person who will escape hellfire.

Just a bit more math: Calculate how many people will burn in hell after the tribulation kills everybody: 432,000,000,000 - 144,000.

Answer: 431,999,856,000

Now for the art section: ask them to draw all 431,999,856,000 people burning in hell.

Once they've spent 2 hours you can tell them they're allowed to stop now.

Thanks for the information Jeb! I think I'll get my wife to do this with the sons tomorrow.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

You know Brother Jeb, the really comforting thing about that is that the only people who can be assured of a place with those select few are True Christians ™. None of those atheists or wiccans or pagans or satanists or homers have any chance whatsoever of getting there. And nor do all those faux Christians. The only ones who'll definitely make it are those like us.

If that isn't a good enough reason to strive to be a True Christian ™ I don't know what is. All those faux churches out there have no interest in showing their members true salvation; their raison d'etre is purely financial and power over their members. Why people can't see through that is completely beyond me.

[Cursed]

Re: Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

Even though I am saved through the power of Christ Jesus, every waking moment I am afraid that I may offend God and be led astray, back into the black pits I crawled out of with all of the filthy masses of disgusting perverts that are everywhere, leering and mocking me.

I am so afraid, dear God! Dear Lord, please show me the way, I am such a wretch! I fear Your righteous gaze will fall upon me and find me wanting, I am not worthy to even be glanced upon by You, not even for a moment!

I am weeping right now at the magnificence of THE LORD! Thank you, praise Your Holy Name! Not one of us deserves Heaven, it is proof of Your limitless mercy that even a few are honored to bask in Your Glory forever!

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Fun homeschooling assignment: What Are The Odds I'll Go To Heaven?

Hello Jeb Stuart Thurmond.

I have been trying to do the math like you told me to but I keep getting different answers I think my calculator is acting up plus I keep having to add paper rolls.

Even the most optimistic number I come up does not look good for me because I have done a lot wrong and I am not supposed to leave the tri-county area and I am not supposed to have a firearm but there are raccoons and opossums and alligators and voodoo here.

It is hard trying to walk with Jesus if the math is not on your side also Pastor Ezekiel told me I probably would not become a True Christian(tm) that did not help.

Thank you.

Rusty