[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Dear True Christians,

I am brought to tears by the loathing you place upon others. The Lord Jesus Christ loves everyone. Honestly, a man's religion is based mostly on how he was raised (This is why many Indians are Hindu, Middle Easterns are Muslims, and Westerners are Christian).

God will allow the pure of heart into His Kingdom, and cast the wicked into Hell for eternity. Your blind hatred and cult-like processions are a mockery of real Christians.

Real Christians have benevolence towards all. They do not hit their wives or sell their daughter's virginity. They do not physically or verbally assault homosexuals. They forgive, as would Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord.

I will pray to God every night in hope that you will see the wicked ways of Landover Baptist Church. If you want information on the REAL Christianity (and not a false one, which endorses HATE and VIOLENCE), feel free to reach me via email at [personal e-mail address removed].
In God's HOLY Name,
4.55 Billion

P.S. The user name is IRONIC

Dear Godmocking Whore;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Jedediah]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Dear True Christians,

I am brought to tears by the loathing you place upon others. The Lord Jesus Christ loves everyone. Honestly, a man's religion is based mostly on how he was raised (This is why many Indians are Hindu, Middle Easterns are Muslims, and Westerners are Christian).

God will allow the pure of heart into His Kingdom, and cast the wicked into Hell for eternity. Your blind hatred and cult-like processions are a mockery of real Christians.

Real Christians have benevolence towards all. They do not hit their wives or sell their daughter's virginity. They do not physically or verbally assault homosexuals. They forgive, as would Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord.

I will pray to God every night in hope that you will see the wicked ways of Landover Baptist Church. If you want information on the REAL Christianity (and not a false one, which endorses HATE and VIOLENCE), feel free to reach me via email at [personal e-mail address removed].

While Jesus died for the sins of those who accept His kind offer of Redemption, not everyone accepts Him as their personal LORD and Savior. The only way to purify oneself and join us in Heaven is to bathe away your sins in Christ's Blood. It is not sufficient to just be nice to people, because we are all born into sin (Psalm 51:5, Romans 3:23, etc.).

It is true that most ethnics choose to wallow in false doctrine and serve false gods. This is because God has preordained them to eternal torments while he has preordained True Christians™ to eternity of singing praise songs, pressed against Jesus' bosom for all eternity.

II Thessalonians 2:11-14
And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:
Whereunto he called you by our gospel, to the obtaining of the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And there is no hatred here, son. If you had one iota of Christian discernment, you would recognize our Christian love for what it is. Why do you think we are here, spreading God's Word to lost souls? It is precisely because of our love for them. We show our Christian love by scourging and chastening those who continue to rebel against God's Word. If we didn't love them, we would just ignore them and let them continue to wallow in sin, perversion and depredation without trying to get them to wake up and realize that they will burn in the lake of fire for all eternity if they don't accept Jesus Christ as their personal LORD and Savior. After all, our Salvation™ is already assured. It is blaspheming nonbelievers and salad bar false christians like yourself that are in jeopardy of joining satan and his demons in the lake of fire.

Even worse, if we hated you, we would molly-coddle you and tell you that your non-Biblical false doctrine is a-okay. But we love you, and we want you to join us in Heaven, believe it or not.

Hebrews 12:5-8
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

Unlike your false brand of "christianity", we don't just make a bunch of crap up that agrees with our vain preconceptions of morality. After all, who are we to decide what is right and wrong? God has left Perfect Instructions for us in the Holy Bible (KJV 1611), and it would be ultimate blasphemy to try to second-guess His Word. Unlike you, we obey the Bible, and it is false believers like you who give True Christians™ a bad name!

Real Christians don't make excuses for the sin in others. We judge righteous judgment (Leviticus 19:15, Psalm 37:30, John 7:24, I Corinthians 6:1-5, etc.) and preach the Good News as God commanded. You are the hateful one here. Your bad advice will only land the souls of the already lost in eternal hellfire, while we are actually trying to help them get to heaven. That is why we have a policy against unsaved trash like yourself posting personal email addresses.

So why don't you actually try reading the Holy Bible (KJV 1611) and learn what it really means to walk in Christ's footsteps.

II Timothy 4:2-5
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.

In the name of Jesus Christ, I rebuke you!

[12bb1bb]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

With all the bad examples set by Obama, Oprah and all those other people who aren't as white as Jesus, people are losing touch with the reality of the Holy Bible. It is time to fix this and go back to the ways taught to us by Jesus Christ Himself!

#1 You are out of food.
What would Obama/Oprah do: Steal food.
What would a fluffy bunny false Christian do: Buy food.
What should a True Christian™ do instead: Pray for food!
Why? Matthew 21:22 "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

#2 Your kids are annoying.
Obama/Oprah: Give them drugs.
False Christian: Ask them to stop.
True Christian™: Hit them until they bleed!
Why? Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

#3 You catch your son watching porn.
Obama/Oprah: Do a live porn show for him.
False Christian: Throw away the porn.
True Christian™: Poke out his eyes!
Why? Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire"

#4 You catch your daughter having sex.
Obama/Oprah: Join them and have incest.
False Christian: Tell them to stop.
True Christian™: Burn down your house with your daughter still in it!
Why? Genesis 38:24 "And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt."

#5 You get sick.
Obama/Oprah: Slaughter and burn a virgin.
False Christian: Go to a doctor.
True Christian™: Suffer and die!
Why? Romans 5:12 "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned"

#6 Your wife brings home a dog and a cat.
Obama/Oprah: Have sex with them.
False Christian: Welcome them and feed them.
True Christian™: Kill either the dog or the cat!
Why? Leviticus 19:19 "Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind"

#7 You get a visitor from out of town.
Obama/Oprah: Have an orgy.
False Christian: Invite them in and be nice to them.
True Christian™: Kick them out immediately because all outsiders are evil!
Why? 2nd Timothy 3:8 "Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith."

#8 A women talks to you.
Obama/Oprah: Rape her.
False Christian: Engage in conversation with the woman.
True Christian™: Tell her to shut up immediately!
Why? 1st Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

#9 You catch your son masturbating.
Obama/Oprah: Start masturbating as well.
False Christian: Ask him to stop.
True Christian™: Cut off his hand!
Why? Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the firethat never shall be quenched"

#10 Someone makes a mistake.
Obama/Oprah: Make an even bigger mistake.
False Christian: Forgive them and move on.
True Christian™: Punish them severely!
Why? John 7:24 "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment." 2nd Timothy 4:1-2 "I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine."

Sounds like Sharia law to me.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Sounds like Sharia law to me.

I can assure you it is all perfectly sourced from the Christian Bible.

[12bb1bb]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Maybe in a wickedly and sickly warped interpretation of the Christian bible.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Maybe in a wickedly and sickly warped interpretation of the Christian bible.

How exactly have we misinterpreted the Bible?

I have a gut feeling that you're just another liberal femnazi who can't keep your nose out of men's business.

Get back to your mending woman

[Jackson Lockwood.III]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

With all the bad examples set by Obama, Oprah and all those other people who aren't as white as Jesus, people are losing touch with the reality of the Holy Bible. It is time to fix this and go back to the ways taught to us by Jesus Christ Himself!

#1 You are out of food.
What would Obama/Oprah do: Steal food.
What would a fluffy bunny false Christian do: Buy food.
What should a True Christian™ do instead: Pray for food!
Why? Matthew 21:22 "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

#2 Your kids are annoying.
Obama/Oprah: Give them drugs.
False Christian: Ask them to stop.
True Christian™: Hit them until they bleed!
Why? Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

#3 You catch your son watching porn.
Obama/Oprah: Do a live porn show for him.
False Christian: Throw away the porn.
True Christian™: Poke out his eyes!
Why? Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire"

#4 You catch your daughter having sex.
Obama/Oprah: Join them and have incest.
False Christian: Tell them to stop.
True Christian™: Burn down your house with your daughter still in it!
Why? Genesis 38:24 "And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt."

#5 You get sick.
Obama/Oprah: Slaughter and burn a virgin.
False Christian: Go to a doctor.
True Christian™: Suffer and die!
Why? Romans 5:12 "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned"

#6 Your wife brings home a dog and a cat.
Obama/Oprah: Have sex with them.
False Christian: Welcome them and feed them.
True Christian™: Kill either the dog or the cat!
Why? Leviticus 19:19 "Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind"

#7 You get a visitor from out of town.
Obama/Oprah: Have an orgy.
False Christian: Invite them in and be nice to them.
True Christian™: Kick them out immediately because all outsiders are evil!
Why? 2nd Timothy 3:8 "Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith."

#8 A women talks to you.
Obama/Oprah: Rape her.
False Christian: Engage in conversation with the woman.
True Christian™: Tell her to shut up immediately!
Why? 1st Timothy 2:11-12 "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

#9 You catch your son masturbating.
Obama/Oprah: Start masturbating as well.
False Christian: Ask him to stop.
True Christian™: Cut off his hand!
Why? Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the firethat never shall be quenched"

#10 Someone makes a mistake.
Obama/Oprah: Make an even bigger mistake.
False Christian: Forgive them and move on.
True Christian™: Punish them severely!
Why? John 7:24 "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment." 2nd Timothy 4:1-2 "I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine."

1; Go Hunting. If you're gonna Pray, you gotta meet God halfway.
2; Put them to work with any of a dozen maintenance things that need doing around here.
3; Slap him backhand hard enough to take him out of the chair and make it CLEAR that next time I'll take his head off.
4; Physically seperate them, throw male out of home naked like a trashbag and have the dogs 'escort' him down the driveway to the gate. Gag and bind daughter, wrists to ankles, flush her out, then cane her rump until it's covered in welts.
5; Do what I can for myself, and pray for God's assistance with such. Again, you gotta meet him halfway.
6; I've already got 3 dogs and a cat. What the hell, one more mouth that'll keep the mouse population controlled and Hanta virus at bay. If it's a dog, one more set of ears and jaws to keep the home safe.
7; They're already moved in, and I have friends, lifelong friends of the same faith as myself in nearby towns...kind of a moot point.
8; Depends on what she's saying. If it's 'Your truck is on fire', it's worth hearing her out. But whatever she says, better be important/worth listening to.
9; Tell him, point blank, out by the chopping block with axe in-hand that I will cut his hand off the next time I catch him at it or find proof of him doing so.
10; We all screw up, pretty sure he knows that while we try to be Perfect--we're always going to be falling shy of it.
But, if it's a mistake made from stupidity or inattention and has some kind of bad effect on me, my household, etc. then I will send that useless stain to the ICU and it'll take the better part of a year for them to relearn how to eat with a spork...if ever.
If it's made from some kind of sly maliciousness, at best that idiot will live the rest of his life as a quadreplegic.

[bozaloshtsh]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

How exactly have we misinterpreted the Bible?

I have a gut feeling that you're just another liberal femnazi who can't keep your nose out of men's business.

Get back to your mending woman

Living in a mainly Christian country, I have gotten to know many Christians. Not one, not two, not four hundred and three, but zero (0) of them will agree with any one (1) of these statements.

Now, I'm an atheist so I know diddly squat about your book, but I'm pretty sure whoever wrote it didn't intend to hit their children until they bleed. Or maybe they did, and all of their families stopped because they had no children left alive, and all the people with half a brain lived. Hey look: Natural selection. I guess Darwin was right after all.

I have come to a forum of a extremist, racist, sexist, homophobic people, and I wish to leave now. Your inability to accept other ideas other than your own or even coexist with them will ensure the banning of this account.

Go ahead.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

I have come to a forum of a extremist, racist, sexist, homophobic people, and I wish to leave now. Your inability to accept other ideas other than your own or even coexist with them will ensure the banning of this account.

Go ahead.

Dear Hatemonger;

I'm sorry, but it is our policy NEVER to remove the account of an unsaved fool. Your belligerent hatemongering will remain for future unsaved scum to see and learn from for all eternity (or until Jesus returns to slay most of the earth, whichever comes first).

Jesus called you here for a reason, so you might rethink your selfish tantrum and stick around.

If you'd really like to remove yourself from our Godly forum, all you need to do is to click on that tiny red "x" in the upper righthand corner of your computer screen. Then close your computer, stand up, and walk away.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[bozaloshtsh]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Dear Hatemonger;

I'm sorry, but it is our policy NEVER to remove the account of an unsaved fool. Your belligerent hatemongering will remain for future unsaved scum to see and learn from for all eternity (or until Jesus returns to slay most of the earth, whichever comes first).

Jesus called you here for a reason, so you might rethink your selfish tantrum and stick around.

If you'd really like to remove yourself from our Godly forum, all you need to do is to click on that tiny red "x" in the upper righthand corner of your computer screen. Then close your computer, stand up, and walk away.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

I'd love to remove myself from this Godly (snicker) forum. Good-by and good day to you sir.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

I'd love to remove myself from this Godly (snicker) forum.

Yet you are still posting here. You are clearly part of Jesus' plan. Don't ignore Him while He is clearly trying to save you!

John 14:6 "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

I'd love to remove myself from this Godly (snicker) forum. Good-by and good day to you sir.

Snickering at God will not get your ticket punched to Heaven.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

i

Living in a mainly Christian country, I have gotten to know many Christians. Not one, not two, not four hundred and three, but zero (0) of them will agree with any one (1) of these statements.

Now, I'm an atheist so I know diddly squat about your book, but I'm pretty sure whoever wrote it didn't intend to hit their children until they bleed. Or maybe they did, and all of their families stopped because they had no children left alive, and all the people with half a brain lived. Hey look: Natural selection. I guess Darwin was right after all.

I have come to a forum of a extremist, racist, sexist, homophobic people, and I wish to leave now. Your inability to accept other ideas other than your own or even coexist with them will ensure the banning of this account.

Go ahead.

On what are you basing your ideas about how much we are intended to beat our children according to the bible's authors? Bear in mind that the remedy for a child who won't respond to being beaten is to have them publicly executed.

[BrotherAlex]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Brothers, I am in dire need of help. My 9 year old daughter was raped my my neighbor. I paid the man, but my stupid whore daughter will not be wed! I have used hot pokers, and have gauged out one of her eyes, but she refuses to be wed. I think that killing her or selling her is the only option I have. What would Jesus do?

[Nobar King]

Re: Solving problems the Christian way! (Not for women and gays.)

Brothers, I am in dire need of help. My 9 year old daughter was raped my my neighbor. I paid the man, but my stupid whore daughter will not be wed! I have used hot pokers, and have gauged out one of her eyes, but she refuses to be wed. I think that killing her or selling her is the only option I have. What would Jesus do?

He's supposed to pay you, dummy. However, maybe your daughter is soo ugly you're going to have to pony up even more cash to make the arrangement.