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Default Re: How to Land a Good Husband - 09-10-2016, 09:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Paul has already addressed this dear. It would be better for you to remain unmarried and celibate so your every moment can be devoted to serving Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:8). Of course if you can't keep your panties on, then marriage is an acceptable alternative to being a skanky whore (1 Corinthians 7:9).
Brava on quoting our dear Brother Paul. His writings are the best, aren't they? Thank Jesus that Jesus called him to speak for God about how we should conduct ourselves as True Christian women. Those first century Christians had many challenges to face and Paul's instructions are timeless, because they were revealed to him by God Himself.


Regarding Sister Elizabeth's panties, since she is still a fertile field, it seems to me that her duty is to marry and produce more Soldiers for Christ. The sinners are out there popping out so many babies out of wedlock and True Taxpaying Americans are footing the bill for all that prenatal care as well as 18 years or more of Medicaid.


I used to work for a company helping people apply for medical assistance and almost none of the parents requesting such assistance were married, at any time, to any of their children's various parents.


One woman was in a gosh-darn hurry to get her teen-aged daughter's Medicaid renewed because, as she put it, "She needs her birth-control." How about self-control? The only good thing about paying for that young woman's birth control is that it's less expensive than paying for her prenatal care and then the resulting pediatrician visits.


But to get back to Sister Elizabeth. Naturally, you will want some prenatal care to keep your pregnancy from interfering with your other duties. As someone experienced in gestation, you know to pray first, then seek a Godly doctor's advice. What matters most, though, is that you don't indulge in any of those techniques that are supposed to make the pain more bearable.


Remember, your suffering in childbirth tells Jesus how sorry you are for being like Eve. It's also a good way to remind yourself not to enjoy sex. As long as things go smoothly enough for your husband to do his duty, there's just no need to get carried away.


I will pray for you to refrain from any unseemly expressions of enthusiasm whilst being serviced by your future husband. I imagine the whole thing will prove uncomfortable for him as well.


Primly Yours,


Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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