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God likes a good fart!
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
In today's society, where godless medical scientists are in charge instead of God-fearing True Christians™, there is a great social taboo on the act of audibly cleaning your bowels of residual gases.
As we all know, it is mostly womanfolk that object against the manly act of farting, apparently because they are jealous of the impressive thundering sounds we occasionally bring forth, to which the feeble emissions the inferior sex produces stand in shrill contrast.
Of course, the LORD, being a very Manly God, has no problems with farting. In fact, even our greatest farts pale in comparison to the Epic Bowel Symphonies of the Almighty:
Isaiah 16:11:
Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.
Have you ever tried to imitate a harp by farting? I myself do not even manage to imitate a trumpet, which is one of the easier instruments! Truly, the LORD deserves our Praise!
Another Verse which glorifies the sound of God's bowels:
Isaiah 63:15:
Look down from heaven, and behold from the habitation of thy holiness and of thy glory: where is thy zeal and thy strength, the sounding of thy bowels and of thy mercies toward me? are they restrained?
Clearly, Isaiah, a Man of God, who conversed regularly with the Almighty, misses four things when God withdraws Himself from him: God's Zeal, God's Strength, God's Mercies and God's Farts.
Clearly, His Farts give inspiration, hope and rejoicing to those lucky people who hear them.
As True Christians™, we should imitate the LORD in every way. It seems that the earliest True Christian™ communities kept true to this Commandment. Like God pleases us with His Farts, the early Christians had no problems either with an occasional, smelly, manly fart. Paul testifies:
Philemon 1:7:
For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.
Not only was farting a normal communal activity among early Christians, they realized that they glorified the LORD that way:
Philemon 1:20
Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord.
We must not forget, after all, that farting is just another way of glorifying God with our bodies, as He commanded us to do:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
So, friends, next time one of those feminazis at work gets uppity and whiny when you produce a fart during a business meeting, explain to her that we do this to praise the LORD, and that farting is a Biblically correct way of expressing our joy over the Wondrous Acts of the Lord in our lives. What right does she have to restrict you in exercizing your Religion?
Yours in Christ,
True Disciple
In today's society, where godless medical scientists are in charge instead of God-fearing True Christians™, there is a great social taboo on the act of audibly cleaning your bowels of residual gases.
As we all know, it is mostly womanfolk that object against the manly act of farting, apparently because they are jealous of the impressive thundering sounds we occasionally bring forth, to which the feeble emissions the inferior sex produces stand in shrill contrast.
Of course, the LORD, being a very Manly God, has no problems with farting. In fact, even our greatest farts pale in comparison to the Epic Bowel Symphonies of the Almighty:
Isaiah 16:11:
Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.
Have you ever tried to imitate a harp by farting? I myself do not even manage to imitate a trumpet, which is one of the easier instruments! Truly, the LORD deserves our Praise!
Another Verse which glorifies the sound of God's bowels:
Isaiah 63:15:
Look down from heaven, and behold from the habitation of thy holiness and of thy glory: where is thy zeal and thy strength, the sounding of thy bowels and of thy mercies toward me? are they restrained?
Clearly, Isaiah, a Man of God, who conversed regularly with the Almighty, misses four things when God withdraws Himself from him: God's Zeal, God's Strength, God's Mercies and God's Farts.
Clearly, His Farts give inspiration, hope and rejoicing to those lucky people who hear them.
As True Christians™, we should imitate the LORD in every way. It seems that the earliest True Christian™ communities kept true to this Commandment. Like God pleases us with His Farts, the early Christians had no problems either with an occasional, smelly, manly fart. Paul testifies:
Philemon 1:7:
For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.
Not only was farting a normal communal activity among early Christians, they realized that they glorified the LORD that way:
Philemon 1:20
Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord.
We must not forget, after all, that farting is just another way of glorifying God with our bodies, as He commanded us to do:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
So, friends, next time one of those feminazis at work gets uppity and whiny when you produce a fart during a business meeting, explain to her that we do this to praise the LORD, and that farting is a Biblically correct way of expressing our joy over the Wondrous Acts of the Lord in our lives. What right does she have to restrict you in exercizing your Religion?
Yours in Christ,
True Disciple
) to prevent such butt problems, but whenever you find yourself coming down with the grapes of GOD'S wrath, remember Lamentations 1:20 -- "Behold, O LORD; for I am in distress: my bowels are troubled; mine heart is turned within me; for I have grievously rebelled." 
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