[I was touched]

How can you guys say god doesn't love Australia! I'm living proof that he loves us. On 18 separate occasions he sent priests and religious officials to molest me, and boy did I LOVE IT.

My tears and screams might have said no, but god saw deep down into my soul and knew I wanted to be touched.

God bless the Landover Baptist Church, God bless America!

PS, how bout that NFL you guys call football. Nothing is more manly then having more padding on then a 12 year old girl has in her bra. Think I might go celebrate the awesomeness that is America by drinking some of your .000008% alcoholic "regular strength" beer. I tell you, a few cans of this stuff and I'm out cold.