[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Come on Atheist scum; take up Sister Etheldreda's altar call! It's your chance to out aside your hate for everything decent and be a good person for once. Even after all the sodomy Jesus still loves you!

I CHALLENGE any Atheist to refute the Five Reasons given here.

[ChemistryRules]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Once atheists read this, they'll have to accept Jesus! (or burn in Hell, but I'm hoping they accept Jesus! Bless you, Mrs. Etheldreda!

Allright, I accept Jesus as my teacher and God to be my Lord. What's the next thing I can do?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Allright, I accept Jesus as my teacher and God to be my Lord.

PRAISE JESUS!!!

What's the next thing I can do?

Read this wonderfully informative and Biblically accurate Guide For The Lost!

[ThyShepherdsSheep]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Mrs. Etheldreda,

I frequently am asked to speak at local Christian schools about the glory of HIS word. Almost always, I am faced with at least one child with hippie liberal parents who attempts to argue with me on every subject.

With your permission, I would like to use these Five reasons in my next speech. I will, of course, give credit where credit is due, and will provide you with an update.

Would this be permissable?

In HIS name!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Mrs. Etheldreda,

I frequently am asked to speak at local Christian schools about the glory of HIS word. Almost always, I am faced with at least one child with hippie liberal parents who attempts to argue with me on every subject.

With your permission, I would like to use these Five reasons in my next speech. I will, of course, give credit where credit is due, and will provide you with an update.

Would this be permissable?

In HIS name!

All GLORY goes to GOD!

And thank you for asking. It would bring me nothing but pleasure (in a respectable, humble way) to see the Good News shared far and wide!

Do let us know how many new souls for Christ you win over!

[ThyShepherdsSheep]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

All GLORY goes to GOD!

And thank you for asking. It would bring me nothing but pleasure (in a respectable, humble way) to see the Good News shared far and wide!

Do let us know how many new souls for Christ you win over!

PRAISE be to HIM!

Thank you for your kindness and for offering such wonderful advice to the troubled souls. I am sure you have a special place in HIS Kingdom.

I will be sure to inform you of the turnout!

[Eddie James]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.


My family, my friends, my fellow man, fighting for good, and defeating dickheads like you




We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.



Yes and as long as it's ok for you to look back 2000 years and use their answers that's fine by me.
I on the other hand will stick to 20th and 21st century technology and science, stuff you guys all negate, and then all use, I.e. mobile phones, computers, cars, Internet etc.





4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.





No we don't







Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of







I'm surprised you don't lose faith while writing the incohearant clap-trap





faith and superior morals.






These to negate each other





If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!




If you want your children to grow up as doctors, or lawyers ect, then give them the best start in life, I'm not saying that's science, I'm saying it should be impartial, what's wrong with letting them make their own minds up when they're ready to do so, instead of brainwashing them to hate everything and everyone.







2. The perks are to die for!



Idiot!!!!!!






Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!





Funny how the only people who say, "only true Christians are going to heaven" are true Christians.
Mmmm there substance and logic that everyone should put their faith in.






1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!



No evidence to support it.
Bible isnt evidence






The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true, and the Faith of Christ is true (Proverbs 30:5)!



But to establish it's truth you have to prove it's true



Baptists were the first to realize this and thus follow Christ 2,000 years ago. It is the Brothers and Sisters of Christ who will inherit the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). Only the Christian Faith can offer a deep union with Christ through the Scripture, prayer, and community.





2000 year old theism :/





If you've been led to our friendly forums, it's because the LORD is tugging on your soul, gently wooing you into a life of Love!




No, I just wanted to laugh at idiots.



Don't throw away this opportunity! Look deeply into your sad, hollow heart, take note of all the things you don't like about yourself. Know that God hates that even more than you (as well as things to which you are completely ignorant through self-denial and cognitive dissonance), and yet He will still consider accepting you as His Own if you but have faith in His Son, Jesus. Will you do that? Will you discard your pathetic life as it is now, the life that never got you anywhere, and instead embrace a New Life? Embrace a Life with Christ! It's easy! You can start with this Sinner's Prayer:




I'll leave the prayer all the same thank you., there's only so much time I'm willing to waste onn a dickhead cloud ghost and his son, which is aprrently him.
Just shows how much of a self obsessed tosser he would have been.
Had he actually existed

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Mary, my reasons for not going to church are in the thousands, and you give me 5!!! About as convincing as the substance for your faith.

Secondly, I was going to add that people like you would be one of the reasons not to join a church, but I think the world needs, bigoted, self-centred wankers like you, just so descent people have someone to compare themselves with. See I don't think your completely useless, you can be used as examples.

There's your meaning in life, you withering, whining old crone

[Didymus Much]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

...There's your meaning in life, you withering, whining old crone

Ad hominem (attacking the messenger instead of the message) = logic fail.

[Eddie James]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Ad hominem (attacking the messenger instead of the message) = logic fail.

Are you kidding.
Your talking about a group of people who have labelled in their forum, "how to discipline you wife" beat your 4 year old" and start moaning at me.

Piss off.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Are you kidding?
You're talking about a group of people who have labelled in their forum, "how to discipline you wife", "beat your 4 year old" and start moaning at me?...

FSOTFY (fixed some of that for you).

...Piss off.

Great job keeping your emotions out of this.

Try using facts and logic next time, they work better.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Sister E, I so enjoyed reading #4. We need God's forgiveness and healing for our failings....

What a beautiful message for homers--they are not able to recognize their failings because they are obsessed with sex.

By reading this and the prayers you included, they have the potential for redemption.

[Adam Fag]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Mary, my reasons for not going to church are in the thousands, and you give me 5!!! About as convincing as the substance for your faith.

Secondly, I was going to add that people like you would be one of the reasons not to join a church, but I think the world needs, bigoted, self-centred wankers like you, just so descent people have someone to compare themselves with. See I don't think your completely useless, you can be used as examples.

There's your meaning in life, you withering, whining old crone

Don't be rude to Eth

[Christbound Jim]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Mary, my reasons for not going to church are in the thousands, and you give me 5!!! About as convincing as the substance for your faith.

Secondly, I was going to add that people like you would be one of the reasons not to join a church, but I think the world needs, bigoted, self-centred wankers like you, just so descent people have someone to compare themselves with. See I don't think your completely useless, you can be used as examples.

There's your meaning in life, you withering, whining old crone

So a True Christian woman posts an invitation to God hating atheist scum giving them guidelines towards Salvation and you respond with insults, curses and vitriol.

Mrs Etheldreda is so far above you in her Godliness you are not fit to breath the same air.

Enjoy Hell sinner for the True Christians will enjoy watching you burn.

Psalm 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.

YIC

Christbound Jim

[CareTaker]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Honestly, I don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. All the things know about, care about, love and live for, are here... in this world. Parting from this world would be vastly more tormenting than any type of torture in Hell. I can't even imagine drawing any sort of pleasure from going to Heaven knowing I'm not here on earth anymore.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Honestly, I don't care whether I go to Heaven or Hell. All the things know about, care about, love and live for, are here... in this world. Parting from this world would be vastly more tormenting than any type of torture in Hell. I can't even imagine drawing any sort of pleasure from going to Heaven knowing I'm not here on earth anymore.

Your post is so full of ignorance and close mindedness.

How can you possibly not relish the unbridled Joy of dining with Jesus? Especially since you acknowledge it is Hell on Earth.