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  • The official deity bodycount

    We all know that being God-fearing is a good thing. Our creation scientists have completed an epic research project that statistically proves once and for all that the truly God-fearing become Christians - because the most fearsome deity is ours:

    The Official Deity Bodycount:

    Jesus

    Victorian Imperial Famines (1876-1900) Policy directly influenced by Anglican Clergyman Thomas Malthus.
    31,700,000 - 61,300,000

    Taiping Rebellion (1851- 1864)
    20,000,000 - 40,000,000

    American Indians killed
    20,000,000

    Slave trade (By Christians)
    15,000,000 - 20,000,000

    AIDS 1981-98
    11,700,000
    By keeping condoms away from sinners. Catholic Priests have 4 times more AIDS cases than the regular population. Does that mean Jesus gets 3 quarters of AIDS smitings?

    The Thirty Years War (1618-48)
    8,000,000

    Saracens slaughtered in Spain
    7,000,000

    Jews killed in Holocaust
    6,000,000

    France: Catholic vs. Huguenot (1562-1598)
    2,000,000 - 4,000,000

    Saxons and Scandinavian pagans killed
    2,000,000

    Rwanda and Burundi (1959-95)
    1 350 000

    Bush's Crusade in Iraq
    1,200,000+ (God told him to do it!)

    People killed under the orders of God in the Bible
    1,283,000

    Ireland, Famine (1845-48) Policy directly influenced by Anglican Clergyman Thomas Malthus.
    750,000

    Spanish Inquisition (1478-1834)
    350,000

    Ivan the Terrible, Russia, (r.1533-84)
    200,000

    Bosnia and Herzegovina (1992-95):
    175 000

    Poland (1648-54) Jews slaughtered
    150,000-200,000

    Witch Hunts (1400-1800)
    100,000

    Peasants' War, Germany (1524-25)
    100,000

    Vlad The Impaler, Wallachia (r.1456-1462)
    50,000-100,000

    Munster Rebellion
    Many thousands

    Jews killed as scapegoats for Black Death, West Europe (1348)
    20,000+

    US Lynchings, first wave (1865-76)

    3,500 - 20,000

    Lisbon (1506) Converted Jews killed
    2,000-4,000

    US Lynchings, second wave (1900-50)
    1,986

    INVISIBLE HAND
    Smoking, 20th century
    90,000,000 ( - many millions to Karl Marx, smoking dropped in the capitalist world but increased in the communist world, 2,500,000 Chinese smoke to death annually).

    French Equatorial Africa (1900-40)
    12,000,000

    Congo Free State (1886-1908)
    8 000 000 - 21,500,000

    Shock Therapy, Russia 1992+
    3,200,000 - 10,000,000 (sources for Low Estimate and High estimate. Shared with Karl Marx who set up the disaster.)

    Climate Change, 1999-2019
    6,000,000 (give 20% to Karl Marx **, unknown number (100%?) to new agers/communist dupes for preventing the widespread adoption of nuclear power).

    Destruction of Amazonian Indians (1900-99)
    500,000

    Forced laborers worked to death in Portuguese colonies (1900-25):
    325 000

    Rubber companies in Peru and Brazil, worker deaths (1900-12):
    250 000
    Karl Marx

    Red Holocaust: ~100,000,000

    Also, this dog:




    PAGAN



    Mongol Crusades
    40,000,000

    Covid-19, caused by Chinese traditional medicine
    25,700,000 *

    Human sacrifices during dedication of a temple of Huitzilopochtli in Tenochtitlan by Aztec king Ahuitzotl (1487)
    80,000

    South Africa, Xhosa self-destruction (1857)
    40,000 starved

    China, human sacrifices 750-1050
    13,000


    ALLAH

    Slave trade (Islamic)
    19,000,000


    Chinese Muslim Rebellion, (1862-1877)
    8,000,000 - 12,000,000

    Timur Lenk (1369-1405)
    5,000,000

    Sudan (1983 et seq.)
    1 900 000

    East Pakistan: Massacres 1971
    1,250,000

    Iran-Iraq War (Sunni VS Shia) 1980-88
    1,000,000

    Arab conquest
    698,200

    Algeria (1954-62)
    675 000

    Hindus killed, India, (1366)
    500,000

    India-Pakistan Partition 1947
    250,000

    Lebanon 1976-2000
    150,000

    Syria's Shia(Alawite) vs Sunni civil war
    500,000

    Yemen: Sunni vs Shia civil war
    230,000

    Algeria: Islamic fundamentalist insurrection (1992-2002)
    100 000

    War Between Christians and Druses, Lebanon (1860)
    30,000

    Persia (1848-54)
    20,000 Babis (Baha'is) massacred.

    India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
    15,000

    Massacre of Armenians (1895-96)
    5,000 - 75,000

    Israeli War of Independence 1948
    11,000

    Bengali War of Independence 1971
    11,000

    2nd Indo-Pak War 1965
    7,000

    Shinto God-emperor
    Pacific war, 1933-1945
    24,000,000

    HINDU GODS

    Thuggee human sacrifices
    9,100,000

    India-Pakistan Partition 1947
    250,000

    Widow Burning
    62,400 per century until 1829

    India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
    5,000 - 75,000

    BUDDAH and company
    Taoist Yellow Turban Rebellion
    3,000,000 - 7,000,000

    Boxer Rebellion
    115,000

    Vietnam, Persecution of Christians (ca. 1832-1887)
    40,000

    Satan:

    10

    Conclusion:

    I have not worked out the precise numbers but it seems Jesus is easily the most fearsome, with about one hundred million smitings to his credit before you even count His Invisible Hand, at which point it adds up to a quarter-billion confirmed kills.

    The Pagan deity that sent Ghengis Khan crusading gets second place. After all, many of his Mongol warriors were Christians.

    Karl Marx gets the bronze medal. I'm sure he'd prefer everybody get a bronze medal with him, since he thought everybody should get equal results regardless of productivity.

    Allah and the Hindu gods seem to be tied for fourth with about dozen million victims, Allah pulls ahead though, because his number is doubled if you count slavery in the Islamic world.

    The Hindu gods used to do a lot of sacrifices in prehistoric times, but unless they nuke Pakistan soon they'll become a historical footnote among the God-fearing.

    Non-Mongol Pagans seem to be the same story as the Hindus, though at least the pagan gods have the excuse that they hardly have any believers to do the smiting for them.

    Buddah is pathetic, no wonder he's so fat, having not gotten off his butt to do a single smiting for an entire century now.
    Got that, God-fearers?

    THE GOD-FEARING FEAR JESUS!
    Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 08-20-2022, 03:23 PM.
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  • #2
    Re: The official deity bodycount

    Thanks to Jesus choosing to bless us with Google translation:

    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
    I feel it, to sir, but I do not understand English. I cannot understand the implications of these numerical figures that you have presented/displayed here. Aparece to be a fragmentation hand grenade tied to a very inconvenient part of your anatomy, no?
    Rache, your writing skills are even worse than Hitoshi's. You don't understand the numerical figures? Their message is clear: Jesus has had his followers kill a quarter-BILLION (that's with a B, Rache) people who displeased him. And now you want to displease him enough to be number 250,000,001?

    You think your money is too good for Him?
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    • #3
      Re: The official deity bodycount

      The recent persecution we're suffering under the hordes of Japanese-brainwashed game addicts as made we realize that I forgot to include Shintoism on this list.

      In world war 2 The Shinto god, Emperor Hirohito, smote 20,000,000 Chinese, 1,000,000 vietnamese, 2,680,000 japanese and maybe half a million others. I'll round it off at 24,000,000, 24 million smitings.

      Thus, the Japanese are almost exactly one tenth as God-fearing as Christians are.
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      • #4
        Re: The official deity bodycount

        Originally posted by Winston_Smith View Post
        But surely, fellow christains, this means that we are losing the war. only a quarter of a billion people killed in our lords name in history and yet more heathens than that live today. Should we not step up the crusade in the name of the lord and take the fight to the heathens
        Oh ye of little faith!

        Haven't you heard John McCain sing "Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran!"? Don't you know that he has stated that he hates the gooks, and vows to hate them for as long as he lives? Don't you know that his preacher states that the entire reason America was founded was for the destruction of Islamic civilization?

        I will be the first to admit it, Bush is a pansy. John McCain, on the other hand, is a real man, a man who will take the fight to the islamofascists and the gookofascists and the chinkofascists and the whole big brown mess!
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        • #5
          Re: The official deity bodycount

          Chalk up 3 to 7 million more smitings for the Invisible Hand of Jesus!

          During the capitalist "shock therapy" of Russia He smote between 3,200,000 (according to a 2001 UNICEF-IRC study) and 10,000,000 (Lancet study).

          Take that, Ruskies! That's your pre-emptive punishment for threatening Alaska and keeping Sarah Palin up at night!
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          • #6
            Re: The official deity bodycount

            I have finally decided that Ghengis Khan belongs on this list. This is a huge plus for the Pagan Gods, instantly making them rivals of Allah.

            I have always known that Ghengis Khan was a deeply religious pagan, who worshipped a pagan deity called "the Eternal Blue Sky" that lived on Mount Burkhan Kaldun.

            Ghengis Khan who sought out learning from missionaries (including Christians), and promoted all religions (including Christianity) in his empire. Many Mongols were Christians, and at one point the Mongol Empire was run by a Christian.

            Either Christianty or Islam probably inspired Article 48 of his law code: "Men who commit sodomy shall be put to death".

            His faith has never been in doubt. The question has always been "was it a Diety that caused his conquest of the world? If so, which Deity?"

            It turns out that yes it is.

            Religious tolerance was practiced in the Mongol Empire, but to defy the Great Khan was equal to defying the will of God. It was with such religious fervor that Genghis Khan is supposed to have said to one of his enemies, "I am the flail of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."

            Genghis Khan wasted no time in capitalizing on his divine stature. While spiritual inspiration motivated his armies...

            So, his admitted motive was to punish the world for sinning, and ignoring the teachings of their religions. It might be enough to divide up the kills by religion of his soldiers, but I won't. I'm judging deities by their "voice behind the throne" ability to convince people to smite people. It was Ghengis' pagan deity that sent him on the warpath, and so his smitings are credited to paganism.

            Before Ghengigs began each conquest, he would return to the temple at Mount Burkhan Kaldun and spend several days fasting and praying to "the Eternal Blue Sky" to asnwer the question of whether he should go to war. Every time the answer was yes. So the Mongol Conquests would be better called The Mongol Crusades.

            Thus 40,000,000 smitings are awarded to Paganism.
            Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 05-05-2010, 06:05 AM.
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            • #7
              Re: The official deity bodycount

              Next Question: Does the An Shi rebellion, lead by the son of a sorceress, count? If so, the Pagan bodycount would gain 36,000,000 smitings and leave Islam in the dust.

              I'm not convinced, it's not enough for a deity or religion to lend support to a war, they have to be the main cause of it for the deaths to count as being by their hand.
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              • #8
                Re: The official deity bodycount

                It looks like the demons of Taoism might have 3,000,000 to 7,000,000 smitings to take credit for:
                Originally posted by wikipedia
                The Yellow Turban Rebellion was led by Zhang Jiao....and his two younger brothers Zhang Bao and Zhang Liang, who were born in the Julu district of the Ye Prefecture. The brothers had founded a taoist religious sect in Shandong Province.

                Zhang Jiao used a form of Taoism to cure the sick by confession of sins and by faith healing. The religion and the politics of the Zhang brothers were based on belief in an apocalyptic change in the order of the world, and they told their followers that in the jiazi year, beginning of the new cycle, the sky would become yellow...
                Was the war caused by Taoism? Or started by men who just happened to have also started a Taoist sect?

                Also, I'm starting to think that the Invisible Hand of Jesus deserves some credit for the Pacific War. It has to do with the the zaibatsu, the mega-corporations of the time:

                Originally posted by wikipedia
                The zaibatsu were the heart of economic and industrial activity within the Empire of Japan, and held great influence over Japanese national and foreign policies. The Rikken Seiyukai political party was regarded as an extension of the Mitsui group, which also had very strong connections with the Imperial Japanese Army. Likewise, the Rikken Minseito was connected to the Mitsubishi group, as was the Imperial Japanese Navy.
                Originally posted by encyclopedia.com
                After World War II, the US occupation identified the zaibatsu's dominance of the economy as one of the causes of Japanese militarism in the 1920s and 1930s and introduced measures to dissolve them.
                Even the name of the Japanese Empire: The Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere - sounds very capitalist.
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                • #9
                  Re: The official deity bodycount

                  The Invisible Hand of Jesus is gaining 300,000 smitings every year due to climate change. Of course, we all know climate change is God's punishment for homosexuality, but for the sake of the bodycount being unbiased, I'll count these smitings as "invisible hand of the Free Market" related.
                  Global warming is causing more than 300,000 deaths and about $125 billion in economic losses each year, according to a report by the Global Humanitarian Forum, an organization led by Kofi Annan, the former United Nations secretary general
                  If we estimate that the effects of climate change have been felt for a decade now, that's a total of 3,000,000 smitings (so far) for the Invisible Hand of the Free Market.
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                  • #10
                    Re: The official deity bodycount

                    Allah looks like a pansy, in 1400 years he's hardly smote more than Ghengis Khan's god killed in his lifetime.

                    I think this is mostly due to innefficiency. But you got to give him credit for persistence. Here's a 1000 page book listing recent terrorist attacks, of which Allah inspired 95%.

                    Allah may not be fearsome, but he's certainly not lazy.
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                    • #11
                      Re: The official deity bodycount

                      Of course, how could I forget direct Satanists (not to be confused with indirect Satanists, aka Satan's useful idiots, aka everything who is not a True Christian(tm).)

                      They've never had a government, or even an insurgency. But in the Bible Satan, with God's permission, kills 10 people (Job 1:1-19), so here we go:

                      Satanism: 10
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                      • #12
                        Re: The official deity bodycount

                        Another update for the god-fearing:

                        With Syria's bodycount topping 100,000 it's time to consider if these smitings belong to allah. It seems to be mostly more Shia VS Sunni - a religiously-fuelled dispute - and everytime someone dies everyone is shouting allah akubar!" (though I'm starting to wonder if that's just the noise they make when they breathe). And I have yet to see any big-shot muslim leaders ordering their side to be peaceful.

                        So, that's about 100,000 more smitings to allah making him still nowhere near as fear-worthy as the God WE fear.
                        Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 07-03-2014, 09:42 PM.
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                        • #13
                          Re: The official deity bodycount

                          This is a tangent that might deserve it's own thread, but I'm skeptical when I read a history book that says that when soldiers capture a city, lots of rape follows.

                          I think historians get this wrong because, being nerdy bookish types, they lack personal experience with female psychology. If jocks wrote the history books we would know what actually happens when a city is sacked. Think about it:

                          You're a a rough, tough go-getter who just won a fight. You're rich (thanks to loot) you're confident, you're pumping high-octane testosterone (It's been proven with winning boosts testosterone). And you're surrounded by excited women whose men are either dead or humbled by defeat.

                          You don't need to rape anyone. The women are throwing themselves at you.

                          But then the excitement dies down, the conquerors move on, and in the cold light of day the women are regretting what they did.

                          So what do they do? Well, they do what all women do whenever they have sex and then regret it - they accuse the men of rape.

                          Their cuckolded husbands go ahead with it because they have to - what are they going to to, stone every woman for sluttery? There would be no women left.

                          And the conquerors go along with it because of how propaganda worked in the olden days. Back then to you didn't pretend to be a good guy, you just focused on scaring the snot out of everybody*. Think "Mafia" rather than "Madison Avenue". And rape stories are scarier than "hey, remember that time in Nanking when we all got lucky?"



                          *You know, like what I'm doing in this thread. Our goal is to turn everyone into God-FEARING Christians, after all.
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                          • #14
                            Re: The official deity bodycount

                            If all these numbers are putting you to sleep, don't worry because I'm thinking of coming up with some kind of visualization for the diety bodycount. Ideally it would be something like this bodycount here:

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                            • #15
                              Re: The official deity bodycount

                              Originally posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
                              If we estimate that the effects of climate change have been felt for a decade now, that's a total of 3,000,000 smitings (so far) for the Invisible Hand of the Free Market.
                              It's been another decade so let's add another 3,000,000. Though the communist countries also added carbon, the USSR was notoriously polluting. That brings up:

                              Does communism count as a religion? Do Marx, Uncle Joe, and Che "I look cool on Tshirts" Geverra count as dieties?

                              If so, The Black Book Of Communism says 100,000,000, but what about abortion/infanticide? And it didn't mention the proto-communist anabaptists, though they were Christian heretics so we will split the score on that one.

                              Here's a wonderfully easy to listen to mini-audiobook on the Anabaptists and their Munster Rebellion:






                              Medieval Germans didn't put communists on T-shirts, they put them in "Anabaptist Chandeliers".
                              Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 08-20-2022, 03:27 PM.
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