The notion of a woman owning anything is totally absurd to anyone that has read the Bible, not to mention twelve virgins!
I tried allowing my ex-wife Ethel to own something once. It was a blender, I think. Maybe that's what went wrong. Now I feel responsible for her eternal suffering.
But that is why I have been Family Man of the Year ever since I moved to Freehold. Because I am always accepting responsibility for my wife's actions and leveling an appropriate punishment against her, like putting a railroad spike under her foot and tying her thumb to a rafter for eight hours if she doesn't follow the menu, or locks the bathroom door, or forgets to lock the bathroom door, or if she wanders between rooms without signing the log I keep in my study, or if she enters my study.
It is wise policies like mine that have molded Cindy Lou into the best wife money can buy.