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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is online now
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

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Posts: 7,567
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream. - 06-07-2014, 03:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser
...I doubt Abigail is committing adultery, like I said it was quite the chore getting her to receive my seed. What do the kids say these days "drier than a popcorn fart".

I know I am still able to produce seed (as I found out last night) but without a childbearing wife....kind of makes me useless too. Well, lets hope the secular doctors are right and she expires in childbirth, then I'm good to find a fertile female!!
Dear Brother,

Thank you for sharing this painful matter. Your behaviour since the accident has been exemplary, but I would still suggest that you consult a senior pastor on some issues. I humbly suggest this as a True Christian™ brother to another and I hope you won't be offended.

1. The issue of consulting a secular doctor. Are you really sure you can strust their advice?! Let us remember King Asa!

2 Chronicles 16:12-13. And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians. And Asa slept with his fathers, and died in the one and fortieth year of his reign.

You really cannot trust their judgment. King Asa did and he died and I have heard the personal testimonies of several people, whose family members consulted secular doctors but died eventually. I also read stories of several people who have died in the end after consulting godless doctor often years earlier. Of course, we do hope they are right in this case, but let's be suspicious. Ask a senior pastor.


Here's a picture of King Asa. Of course, he had a disease of the foot.


2. You might also consider discussing the question of marital duties with a senior pastor. If your body spills its seed in a wanton manner, it is inevitable that Mrs. Creeser has neglected to perform her marital duties in an adequate manner. Thanks to your quick wits most of the sperm spilled was rescued but inevitably some of it must have been absorbed by the fibers of your bed linen. These sperm cells never had the chance to compete in order to become future soldiers for Christ. Christ weeps and, unfortunately, Mrs. Creeser has become a murderer. I know this is painful.

Or course, I will pray for your wife to perish and for the countless sperm cells lost forever. I also pray for the possible future child to survive and not be cast into HELL before it has the wits to REPENT and be SAVED.

However, Brother, your beautiful soul shines brightly through this unfortunate event in your immaculate honesty. Only a True Christian™ man of the HIGHEST quality would have the courage to share this with us.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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