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Dan U. Holier Dan U. Holier is offline
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Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Ex-Masturbator Christian Love Friend of Jesus True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Punched the most queers Pro-Life Ex-Brit One Year/1000 posts Ex-Scandinavian Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Ex-eurotrash

 
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Dan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Disciplining my teenage niece; your thoughts and prayers welcomed! - 08-16-2011, 01:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Dr. Davidson View Post
I'm afraid there is only one course of action you can take here. You must take her before the church elders, and stone her to death. First, for being a harlot and second, for tempting you into unholiness. She might even be a witch from what you've written.
Quote:
Originally Posted by godismighty View Post
Quote:
She moaned “I wuz a bad, baaaad girl. I deserve to be punished, unclie!”
She needs to be punished. In the olden days she would have met worldly end on a cross or begin stoned...
No, NO! I mean, yes, of course she needs to be punished - but before stoning her…

John 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

I’m not without sins; I should've used a rod (Proverbs 22:15). Maybe I should get stoned as back in the olden times. I can’t give up on her; just look at her, please:



(from left to right: Uschi (my “niece”) and Ursula (her mother) wearing dirndls - traditional Alp-alachian attire)

A poor girl is so attached to me; she’s still wants to seat in my lap as when she was a li’l girl (although her mother claims that she’s just competing with her – in this case for my attention). She never resented me for punishing her – she knows that’s my Christian duty; recently, she even confessed me her sins (as per 1 John 1:9-10) – oh God, she sinned, and how! – and suggested that I should use my rod in order to.. heal her from demons! Yes...

It’s in their family; her mother is not only possessed by rectal demons - all her body cavities are infested by them; I was (still am) trying to cure her as well, but without much success thus far. My ex-wife (her sister) used a group of exorcists – against my knowledge! - to heal her; for what I know she still does.

I might use some True Christian expertise and help; I’m facing a tough challenge and I’m not a young man anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Lot got drunk and impregnated both of his daughters, yet the New Testament tells us that Lot was a righteous man. If God could forgive Lot, I'm sure that He will forgive you, too.

BTW, a large tithe never hurts in matters like this, especially if it takes the form of unmarked notes in an envelope. At least that's what Pastor Ezekiel keeps telling me when I screw up, and who knows more about sin than Pastor Ezekiel?
Indeed, as per Genesis 19:35-36. Now, that seems like a sound advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Amen!
Any hints, Pastor Ezekiel?


Ask not what your Lord can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Lord.


... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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