Many believe that Indians have been treated unfairly over the past several hundred years and deserve reparations. That's a bunch of Sitting Bull. Indians have long benefited from the white man. First they got a svelte and attractive new population figure due to genocide and contagious diseases. Then, during the Trail of Tears, they enjoyed fresh air and sightseeing. Now they get to occasionally star in nationally broadcast commercials as crying wusses.
Enough! I'm sick of these savages sucking on America's ample teat. It's time we button up our collective blouse and declare, "Get lost, Squanto. You're on your own. And you're also a pervert for sucking on America's teat."
If anything, our forefathers were too kind. Indians raped buffalo and smoked crack.
They had zero respect for nature. They poisoned the land with cheap pottery and arrowheads, both of which we are still finding to this day. They also wore makeup and dressed more flamboyantly than Liberace. I challenge anyone reading this to tell me which of these pictures is of an Indian and which is of a Las Vegas showgirl.
You can't. They're indistinguishable.
The notion that these buffalo-raping, crack-smoking transvestites deserve reparations is laughable. I say Indians owe white people for giving us place names that are difficult to pronounce, like Wunnohteaonk and Chemquasabamticook.