Quote:
...He quickly whipped up his pants, but viewing it, they were right, that wasn't 10 inches. I was immediately reminded of a passage in the book of Leviticus, and as True Christian™, it is my duty to educate our Pastors-in-Training. This was not easy, but I had him drop his pants and measured his seed dispenser. It was in fact only 9 inches...
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Brother John,
You once again exemplify the virtues of a True Christian™ educator! You have probably saved the eternal sould of these young men by your promt and stern intervention.
I am, however, afraid that I must bring you some more data that may disturb you even further. The young man you examined, while less well equipped than he boasted, still shows anatomical signs of being a homer.
Please, let me elaborate.
The incident remainded me of a secular ungodly study that appeared some years ago (Bogaert & Hershberger 1999: The Relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Arch. Sex. Behav. 28:213-221). While ungodly scolars are notorious for being unable to interpret data, they probably can do simple measurements. Bogaert & Hershberger found out that homersexual men have longer and sturdier tallywhackers than heterosexuals.
This puts (expectedly) Brother Jedediah (and yours truly) very, very (very) clearly within the heterosexual realm, but your student is undoubtedly a homer in need of correctice rod and repentance. Furthermore, I hope you do not hesitate to share your own personal data with us.
I think you should use this method of simple measurement as a surrogate for a gaydar to recognize any potential gaysexuals in your class. It is less obtrusive and can be conducted without too much ado.
Psalms 26:2-3 is very relevant in this case:
Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.
For thy lovingkindness [is] before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth.
Thank you again for bringing this to our attention.
Praise God, Praise Jesus!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer