[Didymus Much]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

...*SLAP*

"ONE TIMOTHY TWO TWELVE YOU HELLSPAWN!"

(You have lost 3 hit points)...

Did she pick me back up before that? Do I take another 1d6?

Am I wearing a red shirt here or something?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

I suggest we go for the synagogue. Joos won't be too difficult to fight physically, but we will have to be prepared for a flock of vile lawyers. I think we DO need coffee, but womenfolk can make it on the spot as a nice picnic lunch. Ham sandwiches will also help to repel to joos.

Enough of this indecision. Time to see how our Acts unravel themselves.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

I would have preferred the Campus of Doom but what I prefer is not important. I leave it to the men to decide.

I come armed with a coolbag full of home-baked individual pork pies.

[TheLittleBoy]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Race: Human
Class: Undead
Alignment: Darkwraith Covenant
Profession: Deprived
Powers: Iron Flesh, Wrath of the Gods, Chaos Fireball
Items of Power: Old Witch's ring, Darksign, broken pendant.
Weapons: Quelaag's Furysword,
Armor: Greatshield of Artorias, Ornstein armor set.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Race : Nigra
Class : gay

I'm hoping to prove with this character, that gaysexuality is purely a deathstyle choice and that Christ can wash even the curse of ham away, so I'm on the guest of becoming an ex-nigra and an ex-gay.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Did she pick me back up before that? Do I take another 1d6?

No, you passed a saving roll. You must have landed on a non-vital bodypart, like your head.

Anyway, Zeke has loaned the party his old Learjet, and after a very long pat-down of Alphose, (should we make up names or would that just be too confusing?) you lift off, on your quest to the Synogogue of Satan. It's a very long flight, since we live in the middle of Real America, where salt-of-the earth patriots live by the sweat of their brow, unlike Jew York with it's slick, swindling elitist conspiracy. Time to teach those parasitic intellectuals, those unpatriotic, rootless cosmopolitans, that work will set you free.

TheLittleBoy (who is not actually a zombie, Jesus is the only undead creature in the game) seems to like fresh air, he thought he could sit on the wing. He falls on the runway, losing 20 hit points, which should kill him but a successful constitution saving roll means he survives, paralized, on the runway.

I guess he thought all those fancy items could save him. But they were cheap Chinese knock-offs, since of course no first-level character would be able to afford that stuff. And don't say you inherited them, under Obama's communist dictatorship, the enterprising American dream of inheriting a fortune rugged-individual-style has been killed by death taxes.

By swallowing ants that crawl into his mouth, he recovers one hit point. But here come the crows....

Meanwhile at JFK International Airport, named after a previous president guilty of treason, the party is split up, lost in a crowd formed by the uncontrollable flood of muslim immigrants.

What do you do? What do you do?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Meanwhile at JFK International Airport, named after a previous president guilty of treason, the party is split up, lost in a crowd formed by the uncontrollable flood of muslim immigrants.

What do you do? What do you do?[/I]

We are stronger together. I must find by brethren. I am armed with my KJV and I seek for advice there.

John 13:35
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.


Now I know! I ask the men of Jew York if they love me, and those who love must be my Brethren.

Matthew 7:7
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:


I must knock at doors. My Brethren must be behind them.

I am also worried. I try to munch a ham sandwich while walking the mooslimed corridors. The adversary is a cunning one.

Revelation 2:9
I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.


There are too many mooselimbs. I am waning. I wave my KJV and the ham sandwich frantically.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Race: American
Class: True Christian™

What did I win?

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

What do you do? What do you do?[/I]

I do my best to hide all the fruits and cutlery from airport security I pickpocketed (as per my racial features) from the modest pastoral Learjet.

Immediately I start looking for opportunities to satisfy my 2 basic needs, getting my semen fix and to steal an apple pie from a window sill.

(I'm fine by being Nigra Alphonse for the means of the game)

[JustGotSaved]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Due to his ever-diligent application of top-quality antiperspirant, no, but around his neck is a cross so impressive it makes Flava-Flav's neckware look downright dainty. It's made from a metal so valuable, the place that mines it uses platinum as packing peanuts.

With a voice like thunder, he says:

"Patriots, in the far away land of the People's Republic of DesMoinstan, in that sweltering urban jungle, deep in that moist and humid nether-region, lurks a secret that must be uncovered. Hidden in ACORN HQ is a stolen Ballot Box that proves Sarah Palin, and therefore Jesus, won the 2008 election. Also Obama's Kenyan birth certificate. And his Iraqi birth certificate also. These artifacts must be recovered, if you fail the world will be destroyed. By which I mean America will be destroyed, and probably also some parts of Canada, since they're mostly downhill from us. Win and the universe is saved. Also, you'll get 200 Experience points, so you'll probably level up."

Edit: A note about races: Dwarves are not allowed, because God hates them. (Leviticus 21:17-23) Oompa-Loompas are okay, I guess. Monsterous races are okay, but until I get used to this game let's stick to monsters that are Biblically proven to exist in real life.

A note about classes: You don't have to be wealthy to be an adventurer. A level 1 "Blue Collar" gets $50 an hour or whatever minimum wage is, plus you get extra thief skills (because you've gotten practise stealing from your employer).

Can i be a post apolypitic mutant? I always wanted to play a mutant! Or some other kind of cross-breed. Maybe a nephalim? They're biblically true!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

There are too many mooselimbs. I am waning. I wave my KJV and the ham sandwich frantically.

A darkie sees your ham sandwich, and, thanks to the powers in his Nike Sneakers of Uncanny Dexterity +2, grabs it from you and swallows it whole.

"That ain't enough!" he hollars.

The crowd starrts chanting. "Just say no to inadequate welfare payments!"

"You call this reparations, bee-eye-atch?" A mob starts to form, as they use noise to work themselves into a frenzy.

The Mob will probably deal 2d6 of damage per round if someone doesn't stop them. But where is everybody? What are they doing?

Nigra Alphose is probably in the crowd somewhere, but it's hard to tell since they all look the same.

A crow has landed a critical hit on The LittleBoy's left eyeball, picking it right out. Another crow fights with it, inflicting 1 hit point of damage on crow #1. It drops the eyeball, which rolls onto an anthill.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

A darkie sees your ham sandwich, and, thanks to the powers in his Nike Sneakers of Uncanny Dexterity +2, grabs it from you and swallows it whole.

"That ain't enough!" he hollars.

The crowd starrts chanting. "Just say no in inadequate welfare payments!"

"You call this reparations, bee-eye-atch?" A mob starts to form, as they use noise to work themselves into a frenzy.

I shall NOT surrender. The ham sandwich failed me but I have the final weapon.



I start to PRAY that my enemies scatter!

Psalms 59:9
Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.

Psalms 59:11
Slay them not, lest my people forget: scatter them by thy power; and bring them down, O Lord our shield.


At least I am at peace, come what may!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

Journey to the Ghetto of Terrors

Having checked out what happens in a ghetto (& noted how shininess is often almost always invariably not associated with dissociated from antipong) I now feel able to tick-a-box in the poll and to be honest it's probably best not to look at the heads during research in this area.

Race:.......... Human-hybrid.............. Genesis 6:2
Class:......... 0......................... Galatians 3:28
Alignment:..... Costumes and adornment.... II Kings 22:14
Profession:.... Good before many witnesses I Timothy 6:12
Powers:........ Taste..................... Hebrews 6:5
Items of Power: ...........................Job 6:30
Weapons:....... Paddles................... Deuteronomy 23:13
Armor:......... Non-carnality............. II Corinthians 10:4

Emerging from the ghetto and failing to identify Mr Alban by behavioural profile I spot a trustworthy face.

Although frightened by the noise and some unusual herbal fragrances (especially in the light of my recent enquiries where ideas never occurring to me before were explained in excessive detail) I manage to crawl unnoticed towards this [possible] rock through an ocean of unexpected vigour.

Just as I'm about to stand up, having identified my quarry by footwear, a most peculiar aroma suffuses the air at ground level and I feel as though I am falling.

..A descent into The Maelström.

. . Electric shocks and echoes.

In desperation I cling to the solidly contructed boot hoping that it leads me like the gentle zephyr out from this abyss and sails me to the light once more.

__________________

1. I am willing to allow that any unexpected contact was not intentional.
2. click here for image of the boot I clung to

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Sorry for not keeping up, I might have bitten off more than I can chew. If anyone else wants to be SM, please volunteer now.

I think I've lost inspiration due to the negativity, all the focus on, well, sleasepits and sinners.

Anyone want to play Heavenhalls And Halos? It's basically the same, only set in heaven, and similar heavenly places. A good starting campaign is Zeke's Summer Retreat, and I'm willing to lend the hardcover edition. Be sure to bring a lugguge lifter when you come get it, because it's pretty heavy. It's got as many pages as the actual bible, after all. Here's the map:

[Godfly]

Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

I want in!


Race: Very White

Class: Temporarily Embarassed Millionaire