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Default Re: Why does God think I'm a gaysexual? - 01-23-2014, 10:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
The other night I was teaching my sons some Christian math by proving that universe is 6000 years old by counting genealogy from the Bible. After we finished our studies, I put my calculator back to my work desk drawer.

Now that I turned it on again, I noticed that I had received a message from the LORD through my calculator. What can this mean?
I am happily married and I am totally not gay, everybody knows this.
Yes, I have been lately watching MMA, body building and various types of gay porn but all this in totally non gaysexual way. I only used it to study the lingo of these gaysexual people so I could be more efficient when I witnessing at them in their hangout spots.

Has some hateful atheist been praying on my behalf or something? Of course, one time when I was performing my Christian duty with my wife I accidentally touched my erected tallywhacker and I have to confess that once I touched anus when my finger went through toilet paper. Could these gaysexual acts have damned my soul into hell? What should I do?
I hate to say this but have you thought a more obvious answer than Jesus personally typed in those words for you?

That's right: one of your son's is gay. Or has been anally raped by a family friend or mentor.

Jesus has your back, friend. You need to see to your sons. Before it is too late.

On a lighter note, I'm available for private one to one counselling with the youth who turns out to have been up to anal antics to help bend him into shape (and I'll waiver the normal initial consultation fee).

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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