Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo
Oh boy, well here's a big one. I've been suffering lately from these headache spasms, with flashbacks of my old life before Christ. I've done my best to blot it all out, but it keeps resurfacing - scenes of wild, crazed nights of partying and sex, an endless orgy of buttsex and Prozac. I can still feel the tingle of being on the 'receiving end' of a Roman conga line. The worst part is, half of it I don't remember, and I wonder if I'm just imagining things; experiencing the memories of someone else. 
These flashes happen mostly at night. They feel like a pit deep in my head swelling up, before exploding and all goes black. My doctor has recommended I distract myself with the Bible and if need be, he can refer me to a good lobotomy clinic.
Good TC's and Pastors, can you recommend any juicy Bible passages, perfect for distracting oneself from Satanic intrusion? |
Oh, boy. You have a b-i-i-i-g problem. The related body part if of course in your case tiny but filled with sin. Verses will not help, instead, you need to stop that compulsive masturbation. Now. It is called sleepwanking and it is very similar to sleepwalking. You need to install a web cam and send me the tapes so that I can assess the gravity of your situation. I'd say that your chances for Salvation® just dropped from 1:1.2*10exp23 to zilch:almost infinite.
You need a verse? Matthew 5:29-30 is handy and will cure this eyesore.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)