I'll be sure to steer clear of your town...because you all sound like certified wack-jobs....and if you really are doing the beating..phone thing...100 percent illegal and you can and most likely will go to jail...where you may encounter a man named Bubba in the shower who wants to be really good pals with you.
DON'T DROP THE SOAP...UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR ASS MORE SORE THAN YOUR POOR GIRLFRIEND/WIFE.