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Location: Freehold, Iowa
Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: The Ebonics Bible translation project. - 07-23-2015, 02:56 AM

The story of Balaam and his donkey (Numbers 22:26-31), in Ebonics, if you please...


Yo, so this bro of da LOR stood right there in the middle of the road, righ?
They was no way else ta go!
An' when Balaam's ass saw da bro, she done froze.
Balaam was angered somethin awful and beat dat ass! I mean like the Crips beat down the Bloods, know what I'm sayn?
But then da LOR, He gets righteous pissed.
Da LOR give that ass magic powers to say, "Yo Balaam? Whaddup? Whachu doin to me, man?"
And Balaam was one mofo who wan't afraid of a talking animal cause he never did saw Planet of the Apes and so he dint know what messed up shit might be goin' down.
He say, "You be makin' a fool of a brother, man! Dat ain't cool, yo! I pop you righ' in da brain, if'n I had my piece on me!"
And dat ass say, "Nay" (dat's Ass Talk for "Cool yor jets, nigga! You goin bust a vessel you don't calm down! I ain't never been nothing but good ass fo you, man! Shiiit.").
And then da LOR, He slap Balaam upside the head with a Holy 2X4 so he could see the LOR'S Bro standin' there all pissed off shootin' flames outta his eyes n' shit that only the ass could see before.
And Balaam knew he was a bigger ass than that damn beast he was riding.
And he learned that when da LOR talks outta His Ass, a nigga sits up and pays attention!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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