Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! -
05-08-2013, 12:44 AM
What's wrong with Wal-Mart? It's convenient, affordable, and the owners don't kowtow to the liberal, lazy employees who would rather whine to the media about poverty levels than actually work hard.
Anyway, to answer your question dear, simply read the first post in this thread, then find yourself a nice King James Bible (available inexpensively at your local Wal-Mart), and read it with an open mind and open heart. Listen to the sound of Jesus knocking at your heart's door. Then let Him in!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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