[Mrs. Robert Roberts]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

I am quite distressed at the moment about my husband's status. Pastor Ezekiel said that because Solomon is a Jew, Pastor will be unable to pray for him. Will you help me win my husband to Christ as soon as possible?? I hate to impose, considering we have just met, but need help!!

Yours because He died for us-
D'Arlene

Dear sister.
I will help you in any way I can to save your husband.
Tomorrow I am going to lock little Robby Jr., Roberta, Robin, and Ricky in the prayer closet for an extra four hours to pray for your unsaved husband.
I feel so bad.
Here's an idea. When baking your next pie, cut up some applicable Bible tracts (KJV, or course) and place them in the pie dough. Don't tell your husband what the new flavoring is, other than it's a spice from heaven.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Robert Roberts

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Dear sister.
I will help you in any way I can to save your husband.
Tomorrow I am going to lock little Robby Jr., Roberta, Robin, and Ricky in the prayer closet for an extra four hours to pray for your unsaved husband.
I feel so bad.
Here's an idea. When baking your next pie, cut up some applicable Bible tracts (KJV, or course) and place them in the pie dough. Don't tell your husband what the new flavoring is, other than it's a spice from heaven.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Robert Roberts

Wonderful idea, Sister! I will bake Sol a pie today and cut up some of those cute Jack Chick tracts and include them in the gooey caramel center of my pie. I do want to exchange recipes very soon.

Thanks to your children for sacrificing their Saturday afternoon in the name of Jesus!

Your new friend,
D'Arlene

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Welcome D'arlene.

My Cupcakes are the best in Freehold.

Ummm....they are a bit dry, Sister.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Wonderful idea, Sister! I will bake Sol a pie today and cut up some of those cute Jack Chick tracts and include them in the gooey caramel center of my pie. I do want to exchange recipes very soon.

Thanks to your children for sacrificing their Saturday afternoon in the name of Jesus!

Your new friend,
D'Arlene

Dear Mrs. Sepoquits. First, forgive me. I am bad with names, especially those of eastern European countries like Chekxovkala and the imaginary Beljim (whatever); JOOISH patronymics, Gypsy names and the like.

Some of the elderly ladies in our church have done me the courtesy of allowing me to address them with contractions. Sister SUV's real name is Sheytstyhkinkosos Unbayakonynka Shaporianastowovich-Valekkenova. She's Swedish.

Luckily I can remember D'Artagnan easily so you won't be troubled. Welcome to our GODLY home. I'm sorry you can't actually come inside, but GOD hates JOOS and, really, most foreigners as well.

However, you are welcome to participate in activities in the parking lot as long as you don't use the regular bathrooms. The Porta-Johns in the back are for our melon pickers and the unsaved.

Landover is an open and tolerant community. We don't allow discrimination or racism of any kind, so as long as you are wearing your yellow name tag and stay on the walks marked with a yellow line, you will be fine.

In an effort to demonstrate our extraordinary largesse we have recently constructed two new buildings. a "Guest" cafeteria so transients and people without key-cards are not embarassed trying to get into the Landover Tither's Cafeteria, and a wonderful new hostel for itenerant goths and wickedans.

The hostel was built for us by "Habitat for Humanity" and, since it is completely free, has acquired some unfortunate nicknames names like the Bates Motel, The Cockroach Trap, Gypsy juicer and etc. These are just jokes. Ignore them. But don't go in there because....ummmm....it's for youngsters. Only adults certified as 'child-safe' are allowed.

[SUV]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Sister SUV's real name is Sheytstyhkinkosos Unbayakonynka Shaporianastowovich-Valekkenova. She's Swedish.

Sweet Suffering Suck-o-tash - I mean, JESUS, Pastor; I wipe a staid tear from my eye while reminding you that I am of Danish descent. Denmark is a Country which is much closer to the U.S. than Sweden and thereby, more GODLY. And my actual Name in the Danish Tradition is simply "Queen Eyestein Fahrt" - or something of the sort.

Technically, I am a Danish-German-one-sixteenth-French-if-Alsace-was-in-French-hands-when-my-great-grandmother-(or whoever)-Relative-was-Born-there AMERICAN



JESUS has already Forgiven me of my small 'Frog' problem. Now: HOW BIG ARE YOU???

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Sweet Suffering Suck-o-tash - I mean, JESUS, Pastor; I wipe a staid tear from my eye while reminding you that I am of Danish descent. Denmark is a Country which is much closer to the U.S. than Sweden and thereby, more GODLY. And my actual Name in the Danish Tradition is simply "Queen Eyestein Fahrt" - or something of the sort.

Technically, I am a Danish-German-one-sixteenth-French-if-Alsace-was-in-French-hands-when-my-great-grandmother-(or whoever)-Relative-was-Born-there AMERICAN

Whatever. Denmark, Uranium, Tasbekiziod, Chevlosmaitca...it's all the same. You are still our lovely Sheytstynks.

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Welcome D'arlene.

My Cupcakes are the best in Freehold.

Hello Talitha.
I appreciate your stopping by to greet me. Looking forward to trying some of those wonderful cupcakes very soon.

Your new Sister in Christ-
D'Arlene

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Dear Mrs. Sepoquits. First, forgive me. I am bad with names, especially those of eastern European countries like Chekxovkala and the imaginary Beljim (whatever); JOOISH patronymics, Gypsy names and the like.

Some of the elderly ladies in our church have done me the courtesy of allowing me to address them with contractions. Sister SUV's real name is Sheytstyhkinkosos Unbayakonynka Shaporianastowovich-Valekkenova. She's Swedish.

Luckily I can remember D'Artagnan easily so you won't be troubled. Welcome to our GODLY home. I'm sorry you can't actually come inside, but GOD hates JOOS and, really, most foreigners as well.

However, you are welcome to participate in activities in the parking lot as long as you don't use the regular bathrooms. The Porta-Johns in the back are for our melon pickers and the unsaved.

Landover is an open and tolerant community. We don't allow discrimination or racism of any kind, so as long as you are wearing your yellow name tag and stay on the walks marked with a yellow line, you will be fine.

In an effort to demonstrate our extraordinary largesse we have recently constructed two new buildings. a "Guest" cafeteria so transients and people without key-cards are not embarassed trying to get into the Landover Tither's Cafeteria, and a wonderful new hostel for itenerant goths and wickedans.

The hostel was built for us by "Habitat for Humanity" and, since it is completely free, has acquired some unfortunate nicknames names like the Bates Motel, The Cockroach Trap, Gypsy juicer and etc. These are just jokes. Ignore them. But don't go in there because....ummmm....it's for youngsters. Only adults certified as 'child-safe' are allowed.

And a big ole Tulsa "HELLO" to you, too, Pastor Pistle. My, that is quite a bit of information for me to digest. I will enjoy the festivities in the parking lot as you mentioned when I am able to get to Iowa. I wanted to ask, will there be closed-circuit services here in Tulsa for those of us who live too far from Freehold to commute each Sunday?? I know the Church has members from all four corners of the earth- or at least the four corners of the good old U S of A.

As you have abbreviated Sister SUV's name, please feel free to abbreviate mine to sister D.D.S. (D'arlene Davenport Sepkowitz) if you wish.

Your Sister in Christ,
D'arlene Sepkowitz (D'Artagnan Sepoquits)

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

And a big ole Tulsa "HELLO" to you, too, Pastor Pistle. My, that is quite a bit of information for me to digest. I will enjoy the festivities in the parking lot as you mentioned when I am able to get to Iowa. I wanted to ask, will there be closed-circuit services here in Tulsa for those of us who live too far from Freehold to commute each Sunday?? I know the Church has members from all four corners of the earth- or at least the four corners of the good old U S of A.

As you have abbreviated Sister SUV's name, please feel free to abbreviate mine to sister D.D.S. (D'arlene Davenport Sepkowitz) if you wish.

Your Sister in Christ,
D'arlene Sepkowitz (D'Artagnan Sepoquits)

Hi there Mrs. Sister DDT! We don't have any TV broadcasts into Tulsa or anywhere in Oklahoma, but you can watch us live at Ardmore Harley-Davidson in Ardmore, Texas. We converted those hippies and they are batting for JESUS! At least they TOLD us Ardmore was in Texas. I haven't actually been there.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Hi there Mrs. Sister DDT! We don't have any TV broadcasts into Tulsa or anywhere in Oklahoma, but you can watch us live at Ardmore Harley-Davidson in Ardmore, Texas. We converted those hippies and they are batting for JESUS! At least they TOLD us Ardmore was in Texas. I haven't actually been there.

Ardmore is in Texas more or less and is worthy of consideration.

I unfortunately have been through this small but Godly® Norte Tejas village and found it wanting,

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Hi there Mrs. Sister DDT! We don't have any TV broadcasts into Tulsa or anywhere in Oklahoma, but you can watch us live at Ardmore Harley-Davidson in Ardmore, Texas. We converted those hippies and they are batting for JESUS! At least they TOLD us Ardmore was in Texas. I haven't actually been there.

Well Pastor Pistle, I will just have to worship with you all in spirit tomorrow. Speaking of the Spirit, where does LBC stand on Speaking in Tongues?

I like the ring of my "new" name- SISTER DDT!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Well Pastor Pistle, I will just have to worship with you all in spirit tomorrow. Speaking of the Spirit, where does LBC stand on Speaking in Tongues?

I like the ring of my "new" name- SISTER DDT!

D'arlene, is there some reason why you are using that wild, bold typeface in your posts? Are you looking for attention?

As for "speaking in tongues" that's for snake-kissing Pentecostals. They're false Christians.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Ardmore is in Texas more or less and is worthy of consideration.

I unfortunately have been through this small but Godly® Norte Tejas village and found it wanting,

I bought a 1983 FXSB from the store owner when he called me and wanted Salvation™. He tithed back everything over dealer cost and delivered it to me in California in exchange for a Baptism. These days I'm too old to ride those things, but in my youth I saved thousands of people from the saddle of a Harley.

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

D'arlene, is there some reason why you are using that wild, bold typeface in your posts? Are you looking for attention?

As for "speaking in tongues" that's for snake-kissing Pentecostals. They're false Christians.

I will not do that again. Please accept my humble public apology. I sent you a private message as well.

[SUV]

Re: My name is D'Arlene from Oklahoma and I am new here

Perhaps the good Sister could watch some tapes of old Promise Weeper's meetings, then. If, like all Ladies, she likes a good Cry,
it's even more Tearful than Sunday Sermons when the Collection Basket is passed around in Church