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-   -   Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=245)

Brother Temperance 09-29-2006 04:21 PM

Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Cot death is also called SIDS -- an acronym which stands for sudden infant death syndrome. Cot death isn't any one illness or disease. Rather, it's a diagnosis, given when an apparently healthy baby under the age of one dies without warning. When doctors and investigators can't pinpoint a cause after performing a full investigation including an autopsy, review of family and medical history and examination of the death scene, the cause is clearly an act of God. It is hard for us mere mortals to say why God chooses to smite babies in this fashion, yet it is clear that they must have displeased Him somehow. Today, I'm going to show you how to minimise the risk of cot death by eradicating liberal and atheistic tendencies in one's infant.

Put your baby to sleep on his or her face
It is a well-known fact that demons can enter a child during sleep, and demon-possessed children being slain by God is a major cause of cot death. Putting a child to sleep with its face and stomach down is a surefire way of reducing the risk of demonic entry via the mouth or nose.

Don't allow liberals to prevent you smoking near your baby
During the 2004 elections, the tobacco industry donated over $2,000,000 to the Republican party. This is a good and Godly industry, unjustly persecuted by various forms of totalitarian and liberal secularists. Exposing your child to smoke from an early age will help to immunise it against secularist/liberal propaganda.

Use soft sleeping surfaces for bedding
Waterbeds, beanbags, baby nests and other soft surfaces are excellent for this purpose. The use of a firm, flat mattress may lead to gender confusion, and should be avoided.

Avoid underheating your baby
An insufficiently warm room, too little bedding, or bedding that cannot cover a baby's head sufficiently are associated with an increased risk of cot death. If you fear your baby may be falling under Satanic influence, it is important that you give your baby a chance to sweat it out: sweating, damp hair, heat rash, rapid breathing and restlessness all indicate that a child is being kept at the correct temperature.
It is important that you give your child room to move around; placing its feet at the foot of the cot or pram and tucking covers in securely so that they cannot slip over the child's head are both examples of the sort of behaviour that may lead to your child becoming a work-adverse hippy, and thus a prime candidate for God's wrath.

Mrs. Rogers 09-30-2006 01:02 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 4782)
Use soft sleeping surfaces for bedding
Waterbeds, beanbags, baby nests and other soft surfaces are excellent for this purpose.

The humble sheepskin blanket is wonderful for babies, and a known demon deterrent; whenever baby breathes small sheepie fibres into her lungs, the fibres form a barrier which demons refuse to cross, as they associate said barrier with The Ultimate Lamb©.

Pastor Ezekiel 09-30-2006 01:47 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
My father and grandfather used my nursery as their smoking room for years before I was brought into this world by Jesus. They saw no reason to stop, and so my earliest memories are of the sweet smell of my grandfathers cheroots, and the sudden alarming sensation of burns on my tiny bum for crying or fussing like a girl. Ah, memories! To this day, when I catch a whiff of Godly tobacco smoke....but that's another story.

What really irks me is THIS story, which was reprinted in this month's copy of "Christian Smokers Quarterly". The Californicators seem to have endless time on their hands to attack decent American family values!!

Glendora Christianson 09-30-2006 04:03 PM

Bedwetting Alarm
 
I don't care how young your baby is, bedwetting is still a sin in our Lord's eyes. In my opinion, wetting the bed is similar to having nocturnal emissions, which is way too close to MASTURBATION! (forgive me Jesus).

Anyway, when my son Skeeter was a baby, they made a delightful anti-bedwetting pad that gave the baby a little electrical buzz when he wet the bed. Thanks to this device, we had little Skeeter potty trained at 3 months of age. Of course, we kept using the anti-bedwetting pad untill he was 18, just to make sure he didn't back-slide.

Now, with the liberals messing everything up, you can't buy the kind of bedwetting device that gives a little electrical shock, but folks who are handy might be able to make one from an old extension cord and an aluminum rack from an old refrigerator or oven.

But don't be discouraged if your hubby isn't handy with tools (he probably makes more money with his desk job anyway). Instead, get one of these modern bedwetting alarms at the link below. I know they're not as effective, but when combined with a good Christian spanking they'll do just fine. CARING MOTHER GLYNNDIE

http://www.webehave.com/ntrainer.htm

Old Man Hatchet 09-30-2006 09:59 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 4782)
It is a well-known fact that demons can enter a child during sleep, and demon-possessed children being slain by God is a major cause of cot death. Putting a child to sleep with its face and stomach down is a surefire way of reducing the risk of demonic entry via the mouth or nose.

And if the infant does become host to a demon, vigorously shaking him or her is a good way to cast out the evil spirit. To take your mind off the gravity of the situation, pretend you are making a margarita.

http://www.tequila-stuff.com/margarita/shake.jpg

Daisy Mae Johnson 10-01-2006 01:17 AM

Safe Behind Bars
 
Another handy tip is to turn thier crib upside down over them, it then becomes like a little holding cell that they can't crawl out of at night. You can get a restful night's sleep knowing they are safe and sound as JESUS watches over them.


Helpful, Sister Thumper

Pastor Ezekiel 10-01-2006 04:57 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Another one of satan's traps for infants and toddlers is thumb sucking. Nothing will turn your son into a limp-wristed sodomite faster than that perverted activity. Years ago they used to make a solution called "suckoff" that you'd spread on your baby's fingers, and it tasted like skunk vomit. Of course the liebrals have put a stop to that now, so I'd recommend that modern parents do what my folks did: coat your baby's fingers with Tabasco, or any of the hot sauces that you can buy at the Piggly Wiggly (now that the wetbacks are infesting our Godly country).

Thanks to Jesus and my parents, I grew up to become a Heterosexural White Republican True Christian Male. Who craves very very spicy foods of all kind.

Brother Temperance 10-01-2006 01:56 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 5021)
Another one of satan's traps for infants and toddlers is thumb sucking. Nothing will turn your son into a limp-wristed sodomite faster than that perverted activity. Years ago they used to make a solution called "suckoff" that you'd spread on your baby's fingers, and it tasted like skunk vomit.

I'm not entirely sure I approve of that name.

Pastor Ezekiel 10-01-2006 02:05 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 5107)
I'm not entirely sure I approve of that name.

Well, this was back in the Godly 1950's you see, when people didn't have their vocabulary stolen by sodomites and pornogrippers. I recall my grandfather using the word "gay" many times, and it only meant happy, like when Carey Grant said it in that great old movie, "Bringing up Baby".

Oh how I long for the morality of the 1950's.....

Ixi 10-02-2006 03:47 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 4977)
And if the infant does become host to a demon, vigorously shaking him or her is a good way to cast out the evil spirit. To take your mind off the gravity of the situation, pretend you are making a margarita.

http://www.tequila-stuff.com/margarita/shake.jpg

Shaking a baby?!?!?! That just hurts them! Thier brains are small, they slosh around in thier heads when you shake them! Could you be anymore sick!?!?

SalvationSeeker 10-02-2006 03:51 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5413)
Shaking a baby?!?!?! That just hurts them! Thier brains are small, they slosh around in thier heads when you shake them! Could you be anymore sick!?!?

So you don't want the baby to lose those demons?
That figures, baby hater. :angry:

You're probably pro-choice too.

Old Man Hatchet 10-02-2006 03:54 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5413)
Shaking a baby?!?!?! That just hurts them! Thier brains are small, they slosh around in thier heads when you shake them! Could you be anymore sick!?!?

I believe you are describing your own brain. What do you know about parenting? I raised six children and have an active hand in the rearing of my twenty-one grandchildren. Don't talk to me about parenting, little Missy.

SalvationSeeker 10-02-2006 04:00 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 5419)
I believe you are describing your own brain. What do you know about parenting? I raised six children and have an active hand in the rearing of my twenty-one grandchildren. Don't talk to me about parenting, little Missy.

Don't mind that harlot, brother Hatchet.

She has already had more more abortions than you have grandchildren, she wouldn't know the first thing about raising a child..
She only knows how to kill them. :angry:

Brother Temperance 10-02-2006 04:03 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5413)
Shaking a baby?!?!?! That just hurts them! Thier brains are small, they slosh around in thier heads when you shake them! Could you be anymore sick!?!?

The Bolsheviks who brought this child into the world obviously never went to the trouble of shaking the demons out of it, and look how it turned out.

Ixi 10-03-2006 10:33 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Shaking can cause death! I raised my little sisters since Mom is never around, and I never shaked them! They are so sweet, unlike all of you.

Bobby-Joe 10-03-2006 10:49 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5805)
Shaking can cause death! I raised my little sisters since Mom is never around, and I never shaked them! They are so sweet, unlike all of you.

Sweet? You call carpet chewing Thespains "sweet"?

Ixi 10-03-2006 10:56 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Yes, there sweet little girls, they are very kind and polite to others, they are energetic and have a good sense of humor. Yes, they are very sweet.

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-03-2006 11:03 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5826)
Yes, there sweet little girls, they are very kind and polite to others, they are energetic and have a good sense of humor. Yes, they are very sweet.

How much do you want for them?

Ixi 10-03-2006 11:27 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
I'm sorry, but they are not for sale. Esspecially not to people like YOU.

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-03-2006 11:34 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5860)
I'm sorry, but they are not for sale. Esspecially not to people like YOU.

If YOU are for sale it seems only reasonable that your sisters are for sale. Don't be stuck up! I'll give you $500 each for them if they have blue eyes and don't have that hook nose you have.

robert12345 10-03-2006 11:55 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

I'm sorry, but they are not for sale. Esspecially not to people like YOU.
Why do you even reply to such stupidities? It's just a website.B)

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-03-2006 11:59 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by robert12345 (Post 5885)
Why do you even reply to such stupidities? It's just a website.B)

What is the MATTER with you? Don't you believe in free trade? You are about to be banned.

robert12345 10-04-2006 12:00 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

What is the MATTER with you? Don't you believe in free trade? You are about to be banned.
Is selling people free trade?:wacko:

Ixi 10-04-2006 12:04 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
They have blue eyes, and I don't have a hook nose! I like my nose.

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-04-2006 12:06 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by robert12345 (Post 5891)
Is selling people free trade?:wacko:

Yes, it is!

Exodus 21:2 If thou buy an Hebrew servant....

Exodus 21:7 If a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant....

Exodus 21:20-21 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

Exodus 22:3 If he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.

Leviticus 22:11 If the priest buy any soul with his money....

Leviticus 25:39 And if thy brother that dwelleth by thee be waxen poor, and be sold unto thee....

Leviticus 25:44-46 Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever.

Ephesians 6:5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.

Colossians 3:22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God.

1 Timothy 6:1 Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.

Titus 2:9-10 Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things; not answering again; Not purloining, but shewing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.

1 Peter 2:18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.

robert12345 10-04-2006 12:08 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Yes, it is!

Exodus 21:2 If thou buy an Hebrew servant....
Exodus 21:7 If a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant....
Exodus 21:20-21 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
Exodus 22:3 If he have nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.
Leviticus 22:11 If the priest buy any soul with his money....
Leviticus 25:39 And if thy brother that dwelleth by thee be waxen poor, and be sold unto thee....
Leviticus 25:44-46 Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever.
Ephesians 6:5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.
Colossians 3:22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God.
1 Timothy 6:1 Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:9-10 Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things; not answering again; Not purloining, but shewing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.
1 Peter 2:18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
I'm impressed. Another marvelous reason to leave Christianity.:thumbsup:

Ixi 10-04-2006 12:08 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Selling people is barbaric, we belong to no one, only ourselves.

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-04-2006 12:13 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5904)
Selling people is barbaric, we belong to no one, only ourselves.

Icki, the founding fathers of the Unites States of America owned slaves. George Washington owned some darkies. So did Thomas Jefferson and Strom Thurmond. Get ever yourself. Everything is for sale.

Pastor Ezekiel 10-04-2006 12:14 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by robert12345 (Post 5903)
I'm impressed. Another marvelous reason to leave Christianity.:thumbsup:

In order to leave something, you have to have been a member of it first. Can you actually claim to be a True Christian? Have you ever actually read the Holy KJV1611 Bible from cover to cover? It seems doubtful, otherwise you would have known that selling certain people is acceptable in the loving eyes of God.

Don't mock Jesus, Bobby. You aren't a homer are you?:angry:

Daisy Mae Johnson 10-04-2006 12:14 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Why, I myself own some coons that work in the field and around the house.

robert12345 10-04-2006 12:19 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

In order to leave something, you have to have been a member of it first. Can you actually claim to be a True Christian? Have you ever actually read the Holy KJV1611 Bible from cover to cover? It seems doubtful, otherwise you would have known that selling certain people is acceptable in the loving eyes of God.

Don't mock Jesus, Bobby. You aren't a homer are you?old :cool:
Yes, it's a great reason for Christians to leave their religion. If you like Jesus' teachings become a Jesusist.

I haven't read the bible yet, but I plan to do so in the future. Just to see how "inerrant" it is.:D

And for your own delight: I'm straight but have completely nothing against homosexuals.

Pastor Ezekiel 10-04-2006 01:30 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by robert12345 (Post 5921)
Yes, it's a great reason for Christians to leave their religion. If you like Jesus' teachings become a Jesusist.

I haven't read the bible yet, but I plan to do so in the future. Just to see how "inerrant" it is.:D

And for your own delight: I'm straight but have completely nothing against homosexuals.

So you admit that you know absolutely nothing about Christianity, yet you desire to mock Jesus and encourage Christians to abandon their faith. You offer more love and support for queers than you do for those who follow the one true God. And I suppose you think you are quite clever for this....Well sonny jim, you are as surely hellbound as your idol Hellary Clinton.

Romans 1:30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Do you understand? "They which commit such things are worthy of death."
Homosexuals (those "without natural affection") and their supporters (those "that have pleasure in them") are "worthy of death." That means YOU queer-lover. And do you know what satan will do with you once Jesus tosses your worthless carcass into eternal hellfire?

That too can be found in the Holy Bible....Maybe you'd better start reading up on us before you persecute us.:angry:

SalvationSeeker 10-04-2006 05:34 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
There's nothing wrong with keeping a few slaves, Ixki..
It's a strong American tradition; REAL PATRIOTS have slaves.

I myself own 3 chefs, (a gook, a messican and a frenchie) and 4 polish cleaning ladies. :)


The Godly GWB owns some too, and he has a house nigra named Condi.

So you see, there is nothing wrong with having slaves, all real Americans have slaves.
Why do you hate America, and why do you hate JESUS?
:angry:

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-04-2006 05:38 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker (Post 5987)
I myself own 3 chefs, (a gook, a messican and a frenchie)

Ummmm.....a frenchie?!?!?!?! Brother are you a closet homer?

SalvationSeeker 10-04-2006 05:41 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle (Post 5988)
Ummmm.....a frenchie?!?!?!?! Brother are you a closet homer?

What? Of course not. :angry:

The french are good at cooking, mind you, it's the only thing they are good at however.

Pastor Al E Pistle 10-04-2006 05:48 AM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker (Post 5989)
What? Of course not. :angry:

The french are good at cooking, mind you, it's the only thing they are good at however.

Brother, I hate to disagree, but I am an elder of the Church and I know everything. The french may make a lot of sickening wine sauces to pour over crepes, but the thing they are REALLY good at is surrendering.

Pastor Ezekiel 10-04-2006 01:46 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
I have to say that nigras make the best cooks. They know how to fry chicken and other good American food.

I took Sister Thumper to a frenchie restaurant once. Big plates, tiny food and some foul goop drizzled all over. When I demanded a plate of bread and butter they got all upset and started speaking gibberish to us. Needless to say, we left, but not before I went into the kitchen and ministered to all the waiters, and the homer cook they had, Praise Jesus.

I hear they serve complimentary bread and butter upon request now.B)

Brother Temperance 10-04-2006 03:17 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ixi (Post 5826)
Yes, there sweet little girls, they are very kind and polite to others, they are energetic and have a good sense of humor. Yes, they are very sweet.

You know where that energy comes from? Demons. You FAILED in their duty to shake the demons out of them, and look what happens. Luckily, there's still hope. Send them over to Landover, and we promise that we will do our very best to spank the demons out of them. If that fails, we'll have to bring in our specialist staff, who are very highly experienced, having served in military prisons across Iraq.:thumbsup:
Quote:

Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker
The french are good at cooking, mind you, it's the only thing they are good at however.

Brother, I urge you to take care, lest you fall into SATAN's clutches. Be very suspicious of any "sauces" this Frenchdemon serves you.

robert12345 10-04-2006 04:34 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

The french are good at cooking, mind you, it's the only thing they are good at however.
What's so good about snales and frogs covered with stinky unpronounceable cheese?:brimley:

Brother V 10-04-2006 07:18 PM

Re: Cot Death/Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by robert12345 (Post 6070)
What's so good about snales and frogs covered with stinky unpronounceable cheese?:brimley:

Did you earlier claim to be brittish, and then you insult FRENCH COOKING?

The audacity.

V


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